Just feeling fragile now

Spent the whole of today in bed. Got up at 5:15pm and got dressed for the first time in 6 days.
This has been a particularly bad fill. It usual to have 3 or 4 days sore, but I guess with the infection, it takes its toll a little more.

I was tempted to try and clean the house up today, but I decided that it really was best for me to just stay put, and now I am glad because I don't have any pain in my side at all... it just feels a bit delicate so I am simply being really careful walking about and bending and things.

This has been THE worst time for our H.K. to take a week off. I was so looking forward to Wednesday when she was coming back, but she phoned and asked for an extension until Monday. To be honest, It doesn't bother me, I just get to save my money but I do think she is taking a bit of a liberty to be honest. If you phoned up after being on holiday for a week and asked for another 5 days what would your boss say...? Hmm. Yeah "NO!" springs to mind. But there we go. Her next holiday will be on the 20th December when we all go to Russia. We get back on the 30th December, and then are going to France on the 2nd January for a week, so she will have a nice long holiday then. I don't think I am being unfair to be honest. She goes home every Friday afternoon until Monday evening every week anyway, so she is pushing it a bit I think.

anyway, I am not bothered to be honest. Its one less mouth to feed for a week when I am not working.

Today's food:
Breakfast:
2 Weetabix with milk and 2 tsp sugar
Coffee

Lunch:
1 tomato and 1 shape lasting sensation yogurt
1 pint squash

Snack:
8 grapes

Dinner:
1 small Jacket potato, 3 chicken breast strips/goujons and peas and sweetcorn.

So pretty good day today. I will update this portion if there is anything significant to add.

I have to say that obviously I am in bed all day, and I am trying with all my might to restrict the food intake so that when I feel full I stop, or once I have finished what I am eating, wait 20 minutes and see if I am full or not. So far its been working, but I must stress that I know I could have had 3 weetabix, and I know I would have preferred more than just a tomato and yogurt for my dinner... but I haven't been up for 6 days guys. I am conscious too that time in bed = no calories burnt... So I have to be even more careful. I think I can keep it up at least till I see Dr. Dillemans by which time he will fill me up some more and hopefully we shall be cooking on gas!

That said, it has shown me how I just assume that I need more food, when infact I don't. I am perfectly content with everything I have eaten today. I am looking forward to my dinner but I am not starving hungry. Its a case of cravings. If I am eating something I like, then I want more. Pretty easy equation I guess. So this is where I have my battle. I WANT more, but i don't actually NEED more.

It struck me last night as I was watching a programme about a 34 stone teenager who lived in Lincoln that there is no help for us. We don't get a dieting equivalent to methadone. We don't get a dieting equivalent to nicotine. We cant even do cold turkey like an alcoholic. We have to have our drug every day. No wonder this is the hardest struggle ever. Once you are 'addicted' to food then you are going to have a continuous battle for the rest of your life.

There must be a reason I get low and eat, or I get worried and eat, or something. Why don't I get worried and go for a run..? or shooting or something. I wish I could unravel this knot of misery. Why cant someone invent patches with the happy hormone serotonin when we feel like eating a mars bar, or a patch with endorphines to make us feel happy when we are low.

Jeez. I could go on and on. The worst thing is that we have to keep taking our 'drug' to survive, and no ones ever going to quit giving up crack cocaine by having a hit 3 times a day, so how are we going to do this, and how come others don't get this?

DH is of playing badminton with TB's husband tonight and I know that DS is itching to go with them. I hope they take him as he has been such a good boy these last few days. All going well with my port pain and all that we are going to take him to the Robin Hood Experience on Saturday. Should be good! They do banquets there in the evening from 7pm until 1am for £40 a person. Why didn't I know that before I got banded!! RARR I would well loved to go to that.
We toyed with the idea of having a medieval banquet for our 10th wedding anniversary before we decided to go to Sri Lanka. Boo Hoo.

Oh, and some cool news... we are going to Malta next year for our summer holiday. It wont be the same luxurious holiday that we had this year, but its still a 4* place and looks really good. Lots to do and nice and hot! YAY. Hopefully I will be MUCH lower in June 2008 than I was this year. So we have 3 holidays to look forward to:

Moscow on 21st December
France on 2nd January
Malta on 5th June

Yipee
I am really looking forward to Russia. Our visa will be back tomorrow, and that's going to be well cool to see a Russian visa in our passports. We are coming back on the train via Latvia. So we are going to catch the train in Moscow at 9pm on the 28th on December and travel through the night in a sleeping compartment to Riga in Latvia. It goes via all kinds of Russian towns including St. Petersburg. WOW. We will see a lot when we wake up in the morning and it will be a great experience for us all especially DS. He is one well travelled boy!

Just joined a REALLY cool calorie counting programme. http://www.thedailyplate.com/
You can use it for free to calculate how many cals you have had each day, but I actually joined as it was only £18.00 for the year. It will help me keep track of my food intake and I can be sure of cals too. If I am not going to slimmingworld, then I like to have something to chart myself with.
Check it out

My stats for today:
They say I should aim for 1800 cals to lose 2 pounds a week. Interesting.

Totals & % of my recommended daily intake

Cals 866 43.3%

Fat 6g 9.32%
Cholesterol 80mg 26.67%
Sodium 1,175mg 48.97%
Carbs 163g 54.47%
Sugars 65g n/a
Fibre 24g n/a
Protein 55g 110.36%

Getting cabin fever...

I am so bored.

Today the pain is much the same as yesterday, except it has migrated a little bit lower. If you put your hand on your left hip and slide it along the lower half of your stomach where your leg meets your belly towards the crotch, that's the area that hurts. All of that. From the hip to just above bikini line. Strange doesn't cover it. When I walk about I am holding up my tummy like I did after I had my Caesarean, only a little bit to the left.

pwhhhh *blows air out of lips in bored way and sags shoulders slightly*

I have decided that I am not going to put my latest photo on the website at the moment. I know when viewing it there will be a blip, and I really want to be able to contrast as I lose, and I wont be able to do that if I put a pic of me now on there. You guys know I am having a struggle, and the dates of the photo obviously will show something went awry, so the next Photo will be when I hit 16 stone flat out. There are 14 pounds in a stone so that's 224. That will mean I have lost exactly 2 stone or 28 pounds.

The scales were the same this morning, so no change today.

Food for today:
1 tub of tesco finest prawn cocktail (200g) a shocking 600cals
1 packet of asda 8p noodles 317 cals
3 HOME MADE crispy duck pancakes. Heavy on the cucumber and onion.


At the Chinese restaurant you get half a duck for a shed load of money, so on the way back from my last fill I stopped off at the oriental supermarket and picked up the exact same half duck for a LOT less. I bought a couple of packets of the thin pancakes and a jar of hoisin sauce to go with it. At the Chinese they also deep fry this bird once defrosted. I oven baked mine cutting out most of the fat problem. So that wonderful succulent juicy meat, is actually just a whole load of oil, but mine tasted exactly the same flavour wise but is just a little dryer.

We didn't have anything else, just this and DH had 8 pancakes and DS had 4.

I know I have had a little too much as I can feel it sat at the top of my band a little bit like very mild indigestion. I also have an itchy back right in the middle, but it feels like the itch is deep inside. I could and should have stopped at 2 pancakes to be honest.

Breaking lifetime habits are WELL 'ARD

Oooooh I just had the smallest of smallest of smallest of PB's. I just burped and a little something sharp tasting hit the back of my throat. I kind of have a vague pressure pain in my back between my shoulder blades... its not uncomfortable, but its weird and definitely band area -sort of itchy annoying from the inside and comes in waves. Its totally forgettable, but because of doing this I am noticing it and detailing it. Oooh Yeah, theres another one. Must be the food stopped at the top of my band. ACE

Not going to go getting hopes up too much though. We shall see. I think if I had eaten any more I would be in pain right now though...

COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Anyway, the portions I have been eating are major small, and I am not getting hungry between meals. When I start thinking about food, its around the right time of day, so that's good.

Wow, I know I would have been in trouble if I had eaten any more! Jeez. Glad to have stopped when I did.

Health Benefits of Pumpkin Seeds

We carve pumpkins for Halloween each year and usually I throw away the pumpkin seeds. But this year I'm going to roast them in the oven. It's really easy, you just need some salt and butter. (See the recipe for roasted pumpkin seeds).

Pumpkin seeds have a lot of nutritional health benefits. A quarter of a cup of pumpkin seeds provides you with about 52% of the daily recommended amount of manganese. You may not have heard of manganese, but high-manganese foods will

* Help your body utilize several key nutrients such as biotin, thiamin, ascorbic acid, and choline
* Keep your bones strong and healthy
* Help your body synthesize fatty acids and cholestorol
* Maintain normal blood sugar levels
* Promote optimal function of your thyroid gland
* Maintain the health of your nerves
* Protect your cells from free-radical damage

That same quarter cup of pumpkin seeds also provides 46% of the daily recommended amount of magnesium, 40% of phosphoros, 28% iron and 16% protein. See all about the health benefits of pumpkin seeds here.

Pumpkin seeds, raw 0.25 cup 34.50 grams 186.65 calories
Nutrient	Amount	DV (%)	Nutrient Density	World's Healthiest Foods Rating
manganese	1.04 mg	52.0	5.0	very good
magnesium	184.58 mg	46.1	4.5	very good
phosphorus	405.03 mg	40.5	3.9	very good
tryptophan	0.11 g	34.4	3.3	good
iron	5.16 mg	28.7	2.8	good
copper	0.48 mg	24.0	2.3	good
vitamin K	17.73 mcg	22.2	2.1	good
zinc	2.57 mg	17.1	1.7	good
protein	8.47 g	16.9	1.6	good

The above pumpkin poster is by Diane Pedersen.

8 months and 9 days since banding

I am gonna do a resume of my banding

Firstly, lets refresh stats.

BANDED Dr. Dillemans in Bruges 14th February 2007 - 18 stone - 252lbs - 114.5kg

#1 fill (Clayson) - 15th March 2007 - 4ml (cc's and ml's are exactly the same)

#2 fill (Clayson) - 26th April 2007 - 1 ml - total 5ml in a 10 ml band
#3 fill (Clayson) - 14th June 2007 - 1.2 ml - total 6.2ml in a 10 ml band

#4 fill (Dovey) - 30th June 2007 - 1.5ml - total 7.7ml in a 10ml band

#5 fill (Dovey) - 8th September 2007 - 2ml - total 9.7ml in a 10 ml band

#6 fill (Dovey) - 20th October 2007 - 1.75ml - total 11.45ml in a 10 ml band YEAH RIGHT

Doesn't look good when you put it that way huh.

Weight today - 17 Stone 5.5lb - 243.5lbs - 110.5kgs

Starting weight Weight - 18stone - 252lbs - 114.5kgs

LOSS TO DATE - 8.5lbs - 3.86kgs

Lowest weight - 16 stone 3lb - 227lbs - 103kgs

Weight regained - 16.5 lbs - 7.5kgs

SHOCKINGLY POOR

The date when I was at my lowest was Wednesday 16th May 2007 when I weighed

16 stone 3lb - 227lbs - 103kgs

This was before I fell down the stairs et al.

I am gonna put a photo of me on shortly too. Not yet cos I can't actually be bothered to get up and get changed (I am ill remember!), but soon. I didn't want to put a photo on being fatter than some of the others. I really psychologically wanted to see a smooth steady drop... but maybe that's me avoiding the truth, and obviously for those of you out there who are trying to decide if this is for you... then I need to show the truth.

So I am gonna update the Photo section shortly. Probably tomorrow I will get DH to take pic of me again in the same get up as the others. But I want you all to know how hard that is gonna be for me ok?

Today's food:

This morning I cooked up 3 scrambled eggs and 2 slices of toast (no butter).

I actually ate just under half of that.

Lunch I cooked 2 quorn Cumberland style sausages and some antipasti - pepper, courgette, aubergine, tiny mozzarella balls etc. It was About 200g of antipasti and the 2 sausages chopped up. I actually ate 1 sausage and 3/4's of the veg.

Dinner I cooked Quorn Swedish style meatballs in gravy, peas and mashed potato. Funnily enough I got a bag of baby carrots and also a bag of broccoli and cauliflower florets out as well, but as I was preparing to cook I was paring it down thinking 'Hmmn. I don't think we will eat that much actually...' so put the baby carrots and broccoli and cauliflower back in the freezer!

I actually ate half a meatball, a spoon of mash and a spoon of peas. DS finished of the meatballs I left, and DH wolfed the leftover mash.

I am rapidly going to say that this is not a 'change' in restriction, but a change in my attitude.

I am eating slowly and when I feel full, I am stopping. I have also only eaten when I have been hungry. So I am using the band to help me, rather than trying to force as much as I can down my gullet to see how much it stops!

See the switch?

I am making a concerted effort, even though its obvious from the history of fills above that something or someone has completely messed up. I shall be sorting it shortly, never fear!

Fast Weight Loss with the Atkins Diet

Kent used to weigh over 400 pounds. He's lost 200 pounds by adhering to the Atkins diet. The weight loss was fast for him, though it was not easy initially to give up all his comfort foods such as pizza and a 4 liter per day Diet Mountain Dew habit.

He has maintained the weight loss for over two years now and is running his first marathon this week. Read his story and see him at his heaviest weight here.

Today's update

Today has been particularly cruddy.

I felt steadily worse over the course of the day, and after writing my blog earlier this morning, I thought to myself "I have to eat something". I know, I know... It should be 5 days of fluids, but OMG its so hard.

Having nothing in your system and being on liquids = diarrhea. Pain in my stomach and the trotts? Enough was enough. I had been in utter agony for 2 days and knowing that I could easily get rid of one of these problems just by eating something, I did.

I had a coffee and then half a bowl of porridge.

It was well nice. It was a new type I think... Quaker oats with bits of apple and sultanas and cinnamon in it. Yum Yum Yum!

So after I ate that I went to bed as my guts were just raw. I had run out of paracetamol as I had been eating them copiously all weekend. I had 4 lessons to do today, and as I was lying in my bed feeling exceptionally crap I knew that it was not going to be happening.

I think I went to sleep. Poor DS is downstairs saying "Mum can I have some sweets; crisps; another ice cream as I have already had 18 today already?" etc and I am just going "Yeah Ok baby... Mummys not well, you have whatever you like. Love You"

What kind of mother am I? Its so horrible to be sick and have no one around to help you or anything. Thank goodness he is a good boy and knows how to make his own lunch and stuff... doesn't make me feel any better though.

So I was lying festering in my pit, and talking to TB on the phone when I realised that my port scar was not just swollen and raised, but hot, red and angry.

Goody.

I made an appointment with the doctor in the village and went to see them. I couldn't drive. TB's hubby dropped her around and TB, DS and me walked down to the surgery. It took 20 minutes to walk about a quarter of a mile!

The quack looked me over, said I obviously had an infection and prescribed me with flucloxicillin 500 4 times a day for a week. He also gave me codeine for the pain. So I have had 2 doses of antibiotics so hopefully by tomorrow things should start looking up.

I can't believe I have an infection in my port. What an absolute nightmare. Its so weird too. my scar is all swollen and red and stuff, but the injection site is about 2 inches below the port scar. I have no idea how this all works.

My band journey has certainly been an interesting one!

This evening DH got fish and chips. I ate some fish, no batter, and was really pleased with myself. So today I have had porridge and fish. Hmmm. Well below 1000 cals me thinks.

I will keep you posted

Half-Assed : A Weight Loss Memoir

Jennette has lost almost 200 pounds. She has one of the best personal weight loss blogs out there and a few months ago she was approached by publishers about writing a book about her story.

I'm excited the book will be available soon. But I was disappointed to read that the publisher didn't accept Jenette's title suggestion; Half of Me: The Last 200 Pounds are The Hardest.

Instead they picked a title which I don't find half as appealing; Half-Assed: A Weight-Loss Memoir
Even worse, I wonder why they didn't include her whole picture on the book cover? Why just include her lower half? It's so much less appealing, don't you think?

Height: 5'9"
Age: 26

Starting Weight: 372 lbs
Current Weight: 176 lbs
Goal Weight: 160 lbs

Total Loss: 196 lbs
Left to Lose: 16 lbs

Starting BMI: 54.9
Current BMI: 25.9
BMI Lost: 28.9

Jennette already has such a large online following that I wonder if it wouldn't have been better for her to go the self-publishing route. She could have created her book with Lulu.com, sold it on Amazon, and attracted a lot of attention through word-of-mouth reviews around the net. I wonder if her book would have been an even larger success if she was in control of the marketing herself.

Jimmy Moore interviewed her last week. Here she talks about how surprising it has been to have such a great affect on other people. She mentions that;

I once got a comment from a woman who had spent several days secretly reading my blog at work. Afterwards she said she didn't feel like she wanted to die anymore. I was stunned that words typed into a text box could do that to someone. I felt a heightened sense of responsibility afterwards to remain honest and open about my experiences. Words have a lot of power.

I write a post about once a month where I try new fruits and vegetables and people have told me they've tried golden kiwi or mangoes because I wrote about them. It's funny to think I'm influencing the profits of the mango farmers of America in some small way. I learn a lot from my readers too. An entry might start about one topic and spin off onto something else, like how to cook radishes that sound really tasty or discussion of what a super-taster is.

See the very interesting interview here.