Day 160: Why is just as important as what.

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As I laid in bed this morning thinking about my current state of health and how frustrated I was, a thought occurred to me.  The same thing that is happening now, happened in my early twenties, nearly twenty years ago. (Yes, I just leaked my age, oh well...I tend to be an open book) Yep, at one point, I gained 40 pounds in 6 months during a time I was the most active in my life.  Noticing the similarities, I continued to analyse the timeline of my life.

I was a teen in the 90's.  I remember the HUGE craze then was a low-fat, high-carb diet.  I was in high school and I was very rigid with my eating.  I was also a size 6 who felt like I was a size 26. (If I could go back in time and kick myself, I would.) I remember eating very little fat, if any, and a whole bunch of carbs and Diet Pepsi. I remember my cycle was messed up and the Dr. gave me medication to fix it.  So during a time where my endocrine system and metabolism was developing, I was doing everything to work against it.

A body needs good fats to help build and strengthen every system needed to be alive and healthy.  I gave my body none, or at least I didn't give it the healthy kind when I had treats or a snack.  I also flooded my body with chemicals from soda and medicine.  What's sad is if I had been eating a balanced and healthy diet, I wouldn't have needed the medication to begin with. No wonder my body rebelled when I was 20, my endocrine system and metabolism were toast.  I had abused it without even knowing and it was ticked.

Now, twenty years later, I'm still dealing with the damage I incurred while I was developing in my youth.  I'm grateful that now I know better health habits so I can teach my children not just to eat better but why they would want to eat better.  I personally think the why is just as important as the what. You need to know what to put in your body so you can be healthy, but if you don't understand or know why, it's easy to make excuses.

I'm tired. * I don't feel good. *  Just this time. * It's a special day. * Tomorrow I'll do better. * Monday.

For me, when I know the why, the why will squash the excuses and reveal how lame and flimsy they really are, giving me a better chance of winning.

Day 100

Although I've been working out for 100 days straight, I don't have anything outward to show. My weight has pretty much remained the same since the beginning of the year--I've been up and down the same five pounds on the scale. No great losses, no dress sizes smaller, no inches lost. Nothing really. But that's okay.


It's been a rough year. It seems like everyone is going through something, and for me, it's dealing with unemployment. My husband lost his job just about a year ago and it's been hard getting used to a schedule where he's home all the time and to live on a fraction of his old income. It's been disheartening to see him post resume after resume only to end up with nothing. No interviews. No interest. Nada. He has his MBA, a ton of experience, and it's still not enough to get a job during this economy.

I'm a stay at home mom who homeschools our kids. I have to admit, the thought has crossed my mind to enroll the kids in school and find a job. But would the gain of a job make up for the loss of what I currently have? Considering I haven't been in the work force for over 12 years, and none of my children have ever stepped into a school except for my oldest when he was enrolled in Kindergarten, I'm going to have to say, NO. The benefits of working are not greater for the things I would lose.

I'm an emotional eater. I admit, I have NOT been eating as well as I should. I know better, my degree is in Nutrition, but I traditionally deal with the difficult things in life through food. I'm so much better than I used to be, but I'm nowhere near where I'd like to be. I am thrilled to say that although I haven't been eating as well as I should, I haven't binged like I have in the past. Considering my personal stress levels, I could have easily packed on 50 pounds the past 12 months--trust me--but I haven't, and I contribute this to the fact that I have a goal that has nothing to do with eating, or the scale, or what size jeans I wear.

Being successful with a goal that has nothing to do with eating gives me validation. It reminds me that even though I may not have complete control over what I'm eating, I can still feel like I'm accomplishing something with my workouts. For me this is huge, it's helping me maintain during a time I could easily be out of control.

I'm hoping that during the next 100 days I will be able to make better choices in my eating so I can maximize the benefits of the exercise I do each day. :)

Brownies and Excuses

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So yesterday we had homemade brownies. (And by homemade, I mean homemade.  No boxed ingredients where you add eggs, oil and whatever, just 100% of OMGoodness) I made the "One last batch" kind of brownies. You know that batch, the one you are going to get your fill of so you can swear them off for awhile while you get your weight loss efforts in check.  Yes, that batch.

This is the thinking, the excuse I have used in the past that helped me gain 40 pounds.  Why do I still use it then?  Because,

IT'S AN EXCUSE I TEND TO BELIEVE! 

A way for my mind to be okay with the idea of freely eating brownies without the guilt.

The "plan" was to have a great day today.  Eat enough brownies on Sunday until I was sick of them so when I wake up on Monday, I'd have a new resolve.  Today is Monday, the fresh start to a new week where I hop back on the wagon and get my eating and exercise in order, right? Wrong. Guess what I had for breakfast?

The cycle continued.  I know I am not the only lady out there that does this. Excuse. Excuse. Excuse. For one reason or another we use excuses to tell ourselves it's okay to indulge today so that we can do better tomorrow.

So was today an epic failure?  A day to cancel out with horrible eating so that tomorrow will be better?  NOPE!  I have learned something on this journey.  I told myself this morning, right after eating the first brownie of the day, no matter how today went, I would work out.

I have OCD, I'm a perfectionist and these two together will probably be the end of me one day. Maybe. But I am learning to use them to work with me.  Long ago they worked against me in the perfect vs. not perfect day thinking, like I explained above.  (If today isn't perfect, gorge and try again tomorrow)  Now, I use it to hold myself to a promise.

Tonight, after a day that started with brownies that went through lunch, I ended the day with a normal dinner and a workout.  The workout felt great!!  I went onto the elliptical with thoughts of what to snack on after I was finished and end up stepping off of it sweaty with a lost of appetite. Soon, I'm going to make myself some herbal tea with a shot of milk and call it a day.

With my old, OCD-perfectionist thinking, today would have been an epic failure the moment the brownie hit my lips.  Instead, I'm ending the day feeling in control and ready to take on tomorrow, a little bit stronger in my weight loss goals.