Day 100

Although I've been working out for 100 days straight, I don't have anything outward to show. My weight has pretty much remained the same since the beginning of the year--I've been up and down the same five pounds on the scale. No great losses, no dress sizes smaller, no inches lost. Nothing really. But that's okay.


It's been a rough year. It seems like everyone is going through something, and for me, it's dealing with unemployment. My husband lost his job just about a year ago and it's been hard getting used to a schedule where he's home all the time and to live on a fraction of his old income. It's been disheartening to see him post resume after resume only to end up with nothing. No interviews. No interest. Nada. He has his MBA, a ton of experience, and it's still not enough to get a job during this economy.

I'm a stay at home mom who homeschools our kids. I have to admit, the thought has crossed my mind to enroll the kids in school and find a job. But would the gain of a job make up for the loss of what I currently have? Considering I haven't been in the work force for over 12 years, and none of my children have ever stepped into a school except for my oldest when he was enrolled in Kindergarten, I'm going to have to say, NO. The benefits of working are not greater for the things I would lose.

I'm an emotional eater. I admit, I have NOT been eating as well as I should. I know better, my degree is in Nutrition, but I traditionally deal with the difficult things in life through food. I'm so much better than I used to be, but I'm nowhere near where I'd like to be. I am thrilled to say that although I haven't been eating as well as I should, I haven't binged like I have in the past. Considering my personal stress levels, I could have easily packed on 50 pounds the past 12 months--trust me--but I haven't, and I contribute this to the fact that I have a goal that has nothing to do with eating, or the scale, or what size jeans I wear.

Being successful with a goal that has nothing to do with eating gives me validation. It reminds me that even though I may not have complete control over what I'm eating, I can still feel like I'm accomplishing something with my workouts. For me this is huge, it's helping me maintain during a time I could easily be out of control.

I'm hoping that during the next 100 days I will be able to make better choices in my eating so I can maximize the benefits of the exercise I do each day. :)

8/365 - Eating Habits

At the end of the old year, I always feel the need to eat all sorts of naughties so I can start the year off fresh-- only to crash and burn a week or two later.  I know this about me and I learned long ago not to fool myself into believing "This is the year."  So I don't make that as a goal for obvious reasons.

Photo Credit

Last time I did a 365 day challenge, it wasn't until the end of February that I decided to change my eating habits.  Often times I would walk off the machine only to make myself a chocolate sundae or a huge mug of hot chocolate. (We have two birthdays to celebrate in January so there is always ice cream left over) After 50 or so workouts I finally felt motivated to work on my food choices and I started to see a change in my body shortly after.

This time I feel different. It's the end of week one and I'm feeling good. Food doesn't have a hold on me like it did during the holidays and I feel strong enough to make better food choices.  How do I know? Because I have several sources of chocolate in my house and I don't feel compelled to attack them. When I'm having a hard time with eating, no source of goodies--especially chocolate--has a chance of survival over a 24 hour period. Since the lifespan of my chocolate is two weeks strong, it says a lot about my will power.  The fact that I want to make dietary changes earlier this time means the habits I used to have aren't far off and are easily returning, like riding a bike I suppose.  Certainly motivation for creating a solid habit in hopes that one day it will be easier to stay on the road of health then to slide back into negative habits.

Now I have to admit, I haven't been chocolate free, just able to consume in rational portions. You can lose weight eating chocolate if you keep the amounts small. I've done it before and I'll do it again as I practice moderation.  To swear off chocolate entirely would be crazy.

4/365 The salty lies of our scales.

It felt good climbing up on the machine. I'm not as sore or stiff and the time didn't seem to drag like it did. I know it's only been four days, but it's amazing how quick my body responds to exercise.

Photo Credit

I already notice my muscles feel firmer, just a hint. But the thing for me to remember is I tend to firm up easier than I drop weight--which can be discouraging.  Why? Even if I gain muscle and loose fat at the exact same rate, the scale will go up at first because muscle is heavier than fat. 

I have a friend diligently going to the gym for an hour workout on a regular basis. The scale hasn't budged in over a week and she wants to quit. For some psychological reason we are attached to our scales. It's important to remember they don't tell the whole story and it's easy to psych ourselves out because of it. 

This is what I love about this goal, it has nothing to do with the scale or how my clothes feel.  It doesn't even consider my eating habits. Right now, my biggest and only concern is that daily workout.  As I work to change habits, I don't feel guilt if I over eat or feel a tightness in my waistband because at the end of the day, I feel good I'm building a workout habit and hitting my daily goal. For now, this is what I need, that sense of accomplishment. As time progresses, I'll be able to better focus on the other important changes I need to make with the confidence needed to make them.

1/365 - Happy New Year 2011

As I sit here ready for the new year to begin, there are many thoughts floating around my head.

Excitement. Trepidation. Hope. Fear.

I've had weight loss successes before. I went to Diet Center (A local weight loss clinic in town) while I was in Jr. High and lost 20 pounds. I was a size 6 afterwards. After my second baby, I lost 50 pounds with Weight Watchers. I was a size 8 when I hit goal.  I have had my moment to shine and feel triumphant.  I also know it was because of a program I lost it.  As soon as I was done with the program, it slowly came back. Every time. I have learned since, that programs, for me, don't work in the long term.

In 2009, for the first time in my life, I lost weight on my own. 40 pounds of weight was gone because of my efforts. No program. No help. Just me. Success has never been so sweet. Without making an official "weight loss" goal, I finished the year pretty close to where I need to be to have a healthy BMI. I was a size 10/12 and I was happy with my body for the first time in my life.

2010 wasn't so sweet.  I started the year out strong, but slowly lost momentum. I thought about doing a 720 days of workout challenge, but decided to take Sundays completely off. It was for good reason, Sundays are a special day for me. Unfortunately, once you miss a day in a long streak, it's easy to make it two. The cycle then begins. I thought about doing another 365 day goal starting mid-year, but that didn't work. (Refer to my recent vlog where I discuss why) For me, I need to be a bit OCD with my goals or its easy for me to sabotage my efforts. I've learned this. It's how I roll.

I now end 2010 feeling like I never had a success at all. I had a very rough year, probably the toughest in my life and I took it out on myself.  Writing was a wonderful, creative escape but I stopped working out when I started to write. Sometimes it was because I didn't want to take a break from writing, but mostly it's because I forgot to workout until it was midnight and too late to do it.  (My husband needs to be up early and the elliptical is in our bedroom)  Over time, poor eating habits returned and a few pounds were found before the holiday season began.  By the time December came, I was in full blown binge mode. Right now I feel like I never made a change to begin with.

Weight loss efforts has such an ugly side. When making positive choices we are moving forward, learning, becoming better, it feels great. But once you have a weight problem caused by bad habits, those habits can so easily be found no matter how long time has elapsed. Especially when life gets challenging.  I chose to put "Journey" in the name of this blog because that is exactly what it is.  There really is no end. Constant vigilance needs to be there or we'll find ourselves in a place we don't want to be.  That dark ugly place that is so familiar.

As I sit here, my pants feel tight and my body feels flabby. I can literally feel the newly formed fat on my legs.The thought of eating any sweets right now makes my stomach turn because the over-sugared, over-fill feeling is nauseating. I'm so sick of eating right now--the idea of a week long fast sounds inviting. Actually, my body would probably benefit from a good fast too.

I'm excited for 2011. It holds promise. I also start it somewhat ticked off at myself and determined to do better. I know I can do it, I've done it before. But there is always a fear in the back of my head. What if? I'm happy to say that I have pushed my what ifs to the back of my brain and ignoring them. I plan on getting up tomorrow and ending the day on the elliptical, doing my workout. I'm not going to focus on all the things I should do better like getting up earlier, eating better, planning better, spending less time on the computer, being outside more, etc. I'm only going to focus on one thing, my work outs. I know me. If I try to do too many changes at once, I will fail. Guaranteed. But if I focus on one thing, I know I can do it.  Keep things simple and it's easier to make changes. That's my plan.

2011 Workout Goal