I made a VERY interesting phone call today.
I dont know whether to be extatic or soiling my pants or furious or what. Infact I think that I will be all of them.
Everyone who reads this blog regularly knows how my band and I have been NOT getting along for the last 5 months.
For everyone that doesn't... Here's a quick re-cap
14 Feb 2007 Banded in Bruges by Dr. Dillemans with Heliogast 10ml band
*1 week later, lost 8 pound
*1 month on lost 15 pounds
*2 months on lost 20.5 pounds
*3 months on lost 23.5 pounds
Fell down the stairs - hospital x-ray for legs. No probs
Recovering from Fall, taking into hospital with sudden onset gut rot - kidney stones/diverticulitis considered
*4 months started regaining. - regain 1 pound
Went to Sri Lanka and ate like a complete hog.
Recurrent pain every single day
*7 months on
Hired a housekeeper as no longer can manage domestic chores due to crippling pain (NO JOKE!)
*9 months on... have regained 18.5 pounds and been in agony for 5 months solid. NOT GOOD.
So that's it basically, very very basically.
After my phone call I had heard basically the EXACT same story except that this person went back to Belgium, like I am doing, and ended up in theatre having another general an a fix for her band. Her port had come UNDONE. She got to about 5 or 6mls just like me (and M - my bunk mate in Bruges!!) and then it went pop... about 3-4 months after surgery. She got 8 months down the line in agony and pain and frustration and depression and failure just like ME and M and then went back to Bruges to get it fixed. She was then back to square one and is about 6 weeks into her new port.
Apparently there were a whole bunch of bad bands that were obviously blowing out. They are all over the world, not just Belgium, they are everywhere. It is not the surgeons fault at all, but the makers of the band.
I am now:
excited that my band is busted and I can restore faith in it
excited that I will lose weight if that's the case
excited that this time next year (dejavu) I will be thin
Pissed off that its ME AGAIN!!! WHY WHY WHY WHY
Pissed off that no one bothered to check serial numbers and do a recall if it is the case
Pissed off that I have wasted 9 months of my life
Pissed off that I am still a fat cow
Frightened that I might have to have surgery again
Frightened that it might go wrong again
Frightened that it might NOT be the same problem and its something else
Angry that I have to go through this drama
Angry that my friend has to go through this drama
FURIOUS at all the wasted time and money and time off work etc
I wonder what he would say if I said, "just give me a refund mate!"
JEEEEEZZZ I really don't know whats wrong with my life. Maybe I was born under a rain cloud or something.
Also...a lot of lap band and RNY people are getting horrible comments on their blogs by an anonymous reader who is really spiteful and rude. Thankfully, they haven't written to me yet...
I know that other people deal with all sorts of rubbish in their lives, and problems. the thing is, this is MY problem, so thats why I am writing about it. If I had another problem I would write about that...
I hope if the nasty f***wit reads my blog they read this bit too.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Infected port scar photo
This is a photo of my port scar 2 days after my last fill. You can see the bruising and puncture wound from the fill to the right. My stomach had swollen up and that's when the scar started to go pink, hot and then the surrounding tissue started going red too. You can see a faint ring around the scar here.
Pain? OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cure? 1 week of Flucloxicillin 500mg 4 times per day.
The last few days....
My my my.
I need a holiday man.
Mina has left the building. I gave her an ultimatum that was too good to resist and she left.
I was so fed up with her chain smoking in the garden and leaving her buts by the back door and coming in all red blotchy and moody from having yet another row and subsequent crying fit with Ricky.
After my last post, I had a chocolate fest. I ate (in the space of 1 hour):
2 toblerones
1 bounty
1 mars
1 twix
1 kitkat chunky
1 bar galaxy
1 snickers
and swigged it all down with ropey sweet sherry.
I lost the absolute plot. I was totally stressed out. I was so stressed just sitting on the sofa that my tummy and port were actually hurting again!
I didn't think I stress ate, but I obviously do, especially when its coming up to 'that dreaded time' too.
I sat up chatting until 2am with Mina about this and that and the other.
On Friday DH took her to college, and I picked her up (btw college is 8 miles away) and on the way home I decided that I just wanted her gone. It simply wasn't going to get any better. She was going home later on that night anyway, so I thought I would plant my little seed again and set it out before her since she had now had nearly a whole day to think about her situation etc.
I gave her an hour to decide and she jumped. I went to work at 2:00pm and said goodbye then as by the time I got home from work I knew she would be gone.
DH was really angry - not at her, but at Ricky for ruining her chances more than anything.
A Bulgarian in the UK with no family, no money, no qualifications or training and no chance of getting a normal job as they aren't allowed unless she is self employed, abused mentally by her boyf', been through all kinds of rubbish growing up in a country with an alcoholic Dad, and neglectful mother and only 21. Suddenly she is living for free in a house with her own room, anything she wants, a college course that will enable her to be self employed and money in her pocket.
She left to get the bus at 5:45 and on the way out she said "Am I doing the right thing?" and he said "To be honest, I don't think so Mina." and then she said "No, I don't think so either..." and left. What a silly girl.
She still has some stuff here, so I am wondering if she is hedging her bets...
Friday night was strange. I was worried about her and hoping he would treat her well etc. He is a such a manipulative guy. Hes like a 5 year old begging for sweets, wearing his Mum down until shes too weak to do anything else.
She says, its what she is used to.
If she finishes the course at college I will be amazed.
Friday was hard work, at work and at home. I cant even remember what I ate but I think it was less than 1800 cals.
Yesterday was well tiring. I was up at 8am, and out to work at 9. I worked all day until 6pm when I met my boys at the swimming pool to go for a quick dip. DH thought it would be good and as I finish near the pool on a Saturday evening, it was a really cool idea.
Today has been good so far.
I have had 2 weetabix for breakfast, a prawns salad for lunch and one of those Nutrigrain Oat Baked Bar's as a snack. I am exhausted from the last few days though. I just want to go to bed and sleep.
DH has downloaded the last 5 episodes of Heroes that I haven't seen yet. He watched the series back in April and May and said it was great, but I wasn't interested. However he talked about it so damn much that I thought I would give it a go. Its BRILLIANT. Well strange, but fabulously acted/written and cast. I cant explain what its about as I still don't know!! HA HA. He is watching the first series again with me so that I can catch up in time to watch the new series which is screening in America right now. He has 6 episodes of that so far too, so no doubt we shall be catching that up too soon.
If you haven't seen it, I suggest starting at the beginning. Its not the sort of thing you can pick up a couple of episodes into at all.
Right, I am off to do something other than be on this machine.
cheerio
I need a holiday man.
Mina has left the building. I gave her an ultimatum that was too good to resist and she left.
I was so fed up with her chain smoking in the garden and leaving her buts by the back door and coming in all red blotchy and moody from having yet another row and subsequent crying fit with Ricky.
After my last post, I had a chocolate fest. I ate (in the space of 1 hour):
2 toblerones
1 bounty
1 mars
1 twix
1 kitkat chunky
1 bar galaxy
1 snickers
and swigged it all down with ropey sweet sherry.
I lost the absolute plot. I was totally stressed out. I was so stressed just sitting on the sofa that my tummy and port were actually hurting again!
I didn't think I stress ate, but I obviously do, especially when its coming up to 'that dreaded time' too.
I sat up chatting until 2am with Mina about this and that and the other.
On Friday DH took her to college, and I picked her up (btw college is 8 miles away) and on the way home I decided that I just wanted her gone. It simply wasn't going to get any better. She was going home later on that night anyway, so I thought I would plant my little seed again and set it out before her since she had now had nearly a whole day to think about her situation etc.
I gave her an hour to decide and she jumped. I went to work at 2:00pm and said goodbye then as by the time I got home from work I knew she would be gone.
DH was really angry - not at her, but at Ricky for ruining her chances more than anything.
A Bulgarian in the UK with no family, no money, no qualifications or training and no chance of getting a normal job as they aren't allowed unless she is self employed, abused mentally by her boyf', been through all kinds of rubbish growing up in a country with an alcoholic Dad, and neglectful mother and only 21. Suddenly she is living for free in a house with her own room, anything she wants, a college course that will enable her to be self employed and money in her pocket.
She left to get the bus at 5:45 and on the way out she said "Am I doing the right thing?" and he said "To be honest, I don't think so Mina." and then she said "No, I don't think so either..." and left. What a silly girl.
She still has some stuff here, so I am wondering if she is hedging her bets...
Friday night was strange. I was worried about her and hoping he would treat her well etc. He is a such a manipulative guy. Hes like a 5 year old begging for sweets, wearing his Mum down until shes too weak to do anything else.
She says, its what she is used to.
If she finishes the course at college I will be amazed.
Friday was hard work, at work and at home. I cant even remember what I ate but I think it was less than 1800 cals.
Yesterday was well tiring. I was up at 8am, and out to work at 9. I worked all day until 6pm when I met my boys at the swimming pool to go for a quick dip. DH thought it would be good and as I finish near the pool on a Saturday evening, it was a really cool idea.
Today has been good so far.
I have had 2 weetabix for breakfast, a prawns salad for lunch and one of those Nutrigrain Oat Baked Bar's as a snack. I am exhausted from the last few days though. I just want to go to bed and sleep.
DH has downloaded the last 5 episodes of Heroes that I haven't seen yet. He watched the series back in April and May and said it was great, but I wasn't interested. However he talked about it so damn much that I thought I would give it a go. Its BRILLIANT. Well strange, but fabulously acted/written and cast. I cant explain what its about as I still don't know!! HA HA. He is watching the first series again with me so that I can catch up in time to watch the new series which is screening in America right now. He has 6 episodes of that so far too, so no doubt we shall be catching that up too soon.
If you haven't seen it, I suggest starting at the beginning. Its not the sort of thing you can pick up a couple of episodes into at all.
Right, I am off to do something other than be on this machine.
cheerio
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Riding the Train of Thought to Pleasantville
Previously Published Friday, July 13, You Have Arrived Postcard ClubDo you ever catch yourself panic thinking? Like today - Friday the 13th? Something like, "It's friday the 13th and what if I get in a car accident on the way to work and what if I'm unconscious and what if they can't find my wallet and what if they don't know my blood type and what if... what if... what if?" Oh yes, I've been a
Wanting to trust but just can't quite go the whole distance
Yesterday I decided to just get on with it and keep going.
I walked 3 and a half miles (1 hours) and then biked home (20 minutes) and was well pleased as I got in through the front door, got changed and then went immediately back out to work again until 10pm. I got home and had a jacket potato with beans and cheese (counted before you ask!! HA HA)
So yesterday's food consisted of:
Quaker Oats real fruit porridge - 2 servings
5 apples
jacket potato
baked beans
30g cheese
2 glasses of vino.
Not bad.
Today I am going to update later... so keep posted. I am in the middle of cooking, and I shall explain the title above later on... How thrilling, bet y'all cant wait!
**Update**
Ok, so its today and I got up and had to take Mina to college. Then I did a tesco shop and used Dad's £49 worth of vouchers - cheers Dad!
I hadn't eaten anything and it was 11am. I then had a breakdown and succumbed to a Kellogg's rice crispies square.
We got home and I had a call from TB... she has been cut off from the Internet for like EVER, and was re connected by her provider, but needed help getting it all back up and running. So I popped round there. Hassle after hassle ensued, and it was not working (poxy Virgin changed all the passwords and stuff and never bothered to tell them! Obviously the name Virgin is a good name for them as they simply don't know how to do anything!) So I ate half a tub of houmous and 10 Finn Crisp thins for my lunch whilst there.
When I came home I was dithering about feeling 'spacious'. That's all I can describe it as. I don't even know if that describes how I was feeling, but pretty vacant and empty in the head. So I thought I would grab a little nap. I grabbed another rice crispie square on the way up the stairs :o( ooops
Anyway, when I got up I felt a lot better, and I prepared dinner. I made BBQ but in the house! Corn on the cob, chicken goujons with a crispy coating (bbq sauce then rolled in breadcrumbs and fin crisp crumbs. well lush), also baked new potatoes, baked red peppers and a helping of coleslaw. It was well yummy.
Apparently I have today had 1400 cals. Now this is the reason for my post title. I feel so full and treated with the squares etc that I feel like I will put on weight, and certainly not like I will lose, or even be underneath my calorie intake for the day, but there we go. So I am not totally trusting it at all, although I have double checked and the entries on the daily plate are correct according to my packages.
So today's food:
kellogs rice crispie square x 2
3 slices of chicken with bbq sauce and crumb oven baked
1 corn on the cob
half long red pepper baked
4 baked baby new potato's - yes the tiny ones
50g of coleslaw
3 glasses wine - so far (will be a hell of a lot more than that I can tell you - see below)
Why can't I trust that I am doing ok...
Why is it that if I feel good then I think i must have shagged my diet?
Why is it that I cant just eat pigging normally and not get a stupid guilt trip?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
Ok, diet talk over.
I am having a F***ING crisis.
I am absolutely totally and completely annoyed with Mina.
She is so stupid its untrue. She is being mentally abused by her boyfriend and is willing to ditch her college, her job and everything else (life!) for this w***er who messes with her mind.
I can be bothered to go into all the things 'My Ricky' has done, but its amazing in such a short time.
She is at this moment out down the shop to get fags because she cant deal with the situation I put before her.
I cant be bothered to go into long details as its too DAMN tiring, but she is messing us about and I am fed up being taken for a soft touch.
I told her tonight that we needed a little chat. I said that I was fed up with her just taking time off whenever she felt like it, and expecting lifts to college and back to the City at the weekends and stuff and that she needed to choose. Did she want the job or did she want to go back to 'My Ricky'... today.
Well funnily enough she didn't want to go immediately. I pay for her college in leau of her pocket money for cleaning. So if she wanted to walk out of the door right now, then she would owe me about £125 as I pay by direct debit. Hey I am a nice person right and I will do anyone a favour if they show me some respect. I actually think i must be a flaming moron. I am just being taken for granted.
She says to DH this evening (whilst he is picking her up after college as she missed her lift home) that she was going to have to talk to me as she needs (yeah NEEDS) to go to a Sex Pistols concert in London on Thursday night, and obviously she should be working. DH was fuming and told me I was being taken for a mug.
He said nothing, just mentioned to me that that will NOT be happening.
I know you guys don't know our lives, or the ins and outs of our daily life, but we are more than fair ok. I know some people who mess people about and use their aupairs as slaves and stuff, but we really don't. She has one damn good life living with us and she wants for nothing - and yes, I know that of course I would say that, but I really am being straight up.
She took 2 weeks randomly off last week just - because. No reason other than 'My Ricky' wants to play with her mind. Its a case of he says jump, and she asks how high would he like that jump to be.
Anyway, I was fuming, but went off to the meeting anyway, and on the way as I am telling J, who I take every week, about it all, DS pipes up with "Yeah Mummy, and she said to me "If I could just pay your parents what I owe them I would do it and go home." "
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I MEAN --- WHAT???
I dropped J off at the meeting and turned the car round.
I got home and immediately sent DS to play PS2. I called her in for a chat and I was right. It is Ricky putting pressure on her. The poor girl doesn't know which way to jump. Its horrible. she doesn't want to leave us because she owes us money - even though I actually said to her "I actually cant handle this any more Mina, if you want to go, then go now and we shall forget all about the money you owe us or stay and make sure you work a full week."
Can you believe it! She turned down walking away and not having to repay £125 and is still here thinking about it.
I really think she doesn't actually want to be with the guy, but cant bear to take the jump into the unknown.
I have no idea whats going on with her, and I cant make the decisions for her, I cant really advise her because I know its pointless.
All I need to know now is whether she is going to stay and I can rely on her, or whether she is going and then I can get cracking on finding someone new.
ahhhhh
Exhausted.
I walked 3 and a half miles (1 hours) and then biked home (20 minutes) and was well pleased as I got in through the front door, got changed and then went immediately back out to work again until 10pm. I got home and had a jacket potato with beans and cheese (counted before you ask!! HA HA)
So yesterday's food consisted of:
Quaker Oats real fruit porridge - 2 servings
5 apples
jacket potato
baked beans
30g cheese
2 glasses of vino.
Not bad.
Today I am going to update later... so keep posted. I am in the middle of cooking, and I shall explain the title above later on... How thrilling, bet y'all cant wait!
**Update**
Ok, so its today and I got up and had to take Mina to college. Then I did a tesco shop and used Dad's £49 worth of vouchers - cheers Dad!
I hadn't eaten anything and it was 11am. I then had a breakdown and succumbed to a Kellogg's rice crispies square.
We got home and I had a call from TB... she has been cut off from the Internet for like EVER, and was re connected by her provider, but needed help getting it all back up and running. So I popped round there. Hassle after hassle ensued, and it was not working (poxy Virgin changed all the passwords and stuff and never bothered to tell them! Obviously the name Virgin is a good name for them as they simply don't know how to do anything!) So I ate half a tub of houmous and 10 Finn Crisp thins for my lunch whilst there.
When I came home I was dithering about feeling 'spacious'. That's all I can describe it as. I don't even know if that describes how I was feeling, but pretty vacant and empty in the head. So I thought I would grab a little nap. I grabbed another rice crispie square on the way up the stairs :o( ooops
Anyway, when I got up I felt a lot better, and I prepared dinner. I made BBQ but in the house! Corn on the cob, chicken goujons with a crispy coating (bbq sauce then rolled in breadcrumbs and fin crisp crumbs. well lush), also baked new potatoes, baked red peppers and a helping of coleslaw. It was well yummy.
Apparently I have today had 1400 cals. Now this is the reason for my post title. I feel so full and treated with the squares etc that I feel like I will put on weight, and certainly not like I will lose, or even be underneath my calorie intake for the day, but there we go. So I am not totally trusting it at all, although I have double checked and the entries on the daily plate are correct according to my packages.
So today's food:
kellogs rice crispie square x 2
3 slices of chicken with bbq sauce and crumb oven baked
1 corn on the cob
half long red pepper baked
4 baked baby new potato's - yes the tiny ones
50g of coleslaw
3 glasses wine - so far (will be a hell of a lot more than that I can tell you - see below)
Why can't I trust that I am doing ok...
Why is it that if I feel good then I think i must have shagged my diet?
Why is it that I cant just eat pigging normally and not get a stupid guilt trip?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
Ok, diet talk over.
I am having a F***ING crisis.
I am absolutely totally and completely annoyed with Mina.
She is so stupid its untrue. She is being mentally abused by her boyfriend and is willing to ditch her college, her job and everything else (life!) for this w***er who messes with her mind.
I can be bothered to go into all the things 'My Ricky' has done, but its amazing in such a short time.
She is at this moment out down the shop to get fags because she cant deal with the situation I put before her.
I cant be bothered to go into long details as its too DAMN tiring, but she is messing us about and I am fed up being taken for a soft touch.
I told her tonight that we needed a little chat. I said that I was fed up with her just taking time off whenever she felt like it, and expecting lifts to college and back to the City at the weekends and stuff and that she needed to choose. Did she want the job or did she want to go back to 'My Ricky'... today.
Well funnily enough she didn't want to go immediately. I pay for her college in leau of her pocket money for cleaning. So if she wanted to walk out of the door right now, then she would owe me about £125 as I pay by direct debit. Hey I am a nice person right and I will do anyone a favour if they show me some respect. I actually think i must be a flaming moron. I am just being taken for granted.
She says to DH this evening (whilst he is picking her up after college as she missed her lift home) that she was going to have to talk to me as she needs (yeah NEEDS) to go to a Sex Pistols concert in London on Thursday night, and obviously she should be working. DH was fuming and told me I was being taken for a mug.
He said nothing, just mentioned to me that that will NOT be happening.
I know you guys don't know our lives, or the ins and outs of our daily life, but we are more than fair ok. I know some people who mess people about and use their aupairs as slaves and stuff, but we really don't. She has one damn good life living with us and she wants for nothing - and yes, I know that of course I would say that, but I really am being straight up.
She took 2 weeks randomly off last week just - because. No reason other than 'My Ricky' wants to play with her mind. Its a case of he says jump, and she asks how high would he like that jump to be.
Anyway, I was fuming, but went off to the meeting anyway, and on the way as I am telling J, who I take every week, about it all, DS pipes up with "Yeah Mummy, and she said to me "If I could just pay your parents what I owe them I would do it and go home." "
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I MEAN --- WHAT???
I dropped J off at the meeting and turned the car round.
I got home and immediately sent DS to play PS2. I called her in for a chat and I was right. It is Ricky putting pressure on her. The poor girl doesn't know which way to jump. Its horrible. she doesn't want to leave us because she owes us money - even though I actually said to her "I actually cant handle this any more Mina, if you want to go, then go now and we shall forget all about the money you owe us or stay and make sure you work a full week."
Can you believe it! She turned down walking away and not having to repay £125 and is still here thinking about it.
I really think she doesn't actually want to be with the guy, but cant bear to take the jump into the unknown.
I have no idea whats going on with her, and I cant make the decisions for her, I cant really advise her because I know its pointless.
All I need to know now is whether she is going to stay and I can rely on her, or whether she is going and then I can get cracking on finding someone new.
ahhhhh
Exhausted.
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