Hello From Bruges - or rather HELL from Bruges!

Well here I am everyone.
I am in the hotel business suite and I thought I should update everyone on the state of my band.

The road to Bruges was an easy one and the journey by car, just an hour from Calais.
We arrived at the Hotel Bistro Brugelhoff, parked up and went to the front. It was empty and closed up.

We called the number on the front of the door and a guy answered saying he would be right there in 5 minutes.

The Belgian equivalent of Norman Bates turned up and let us in through an underground passage and back door with the letters WC on it. WC summed the place up. It was disgusting.
However, it was cheap and TB and I had been on the road for 12 hours. He showed us around the 'room' or squat. It was only to sleep in and the sheets looked clean so I though OK what the hell, we will find something tomorrow.

So we paid for the night and then Norman left.
Left us alone...
All alone.

We were the only guests in Normans villa. Everything was locked up and we had to let ourselves out through the basement toilet. Lovely.

It was freezing in there, so I turned on the little electric heater, and the light above the sink in the room so that when we got back it would at least be light in our room and then we went out to explore Bruges again.

All was good, we bought some stuff, and had fun and saw the sights and had a wonderful meal and then made our way back to the hovel.

Picture the scene. Its 10:30, cold dark and windy. 2 foreign and beautiful (shut up!) ladies enter a deserted car park...

We walked down the driveway, the wind whistling in the electric wires.

The lights to the basement are out.

Bravely I pull my phone out and use the light of the screen to guide us down the steps into the cellar.

I fumble for the lock, open the door and flick the light switch... "Tack tack!" Nothing.

The electric is out.

I fumble around and drop my phone and scramble about for it in the dark whilst TB is yelling "Where are you?"

Ok... getting the picture? It was awful.

Anyway, we call the guy, he comes over and apparently, because we left a light on (!?!?!?!) it tripped the power.

I told him that that was F'ing pathetic, and to cut a long story short, we got our money and ran away fast!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got the Sat Nav out again and found the closest hotel to where we were, as it was now 11pm. We booked a room and stumped up £oodles for the 4 nights and checked into a swanky job on the 'Tsant.

Thank God. It is lush. It's also warm and you can have a coffee when you get up. Oh, and there is hot water, sweet mercy!

So.. with a long sigh, I settled into bed with a bottle of wine and slept.

This morning, we got up early and didn't have breakfast. TB ate some biscuits that we had bought yesterday, but I thought it would be wise not to eat just in case I was having surgery.

We got a taxi to the Hospital and the appointment was a bit of a farce. I was told that I would have an X-ray and then go see Dr. Dillemans. I went to get the X-ray, but they sent me back to to see Dr. Dillemans first. He saw me, and as I described what had happened to me and the pain etc, he immediately suggested that my port had become disconnected from the catheter.

He didn't muck about. He told me if this was the case that the company who make the band will pay all expenses and they will sort it out. Apparently they developed a new port and connection and started using it in March... so I was unlucky by one month.

So I went for the x-ray which was bizarre as I had never had a fluro fill. So I stood on a platform and there was a big round x-ray machine in front of my tummy. One the screen I then saw my insides. I could see my spine, my pelvis, my hips and all other bony stuff and also my port. Then further up I could see the band around my stomach on an angle (perfectly positioned). The catheter was hanging from the band straight down, past the port and down into my pelvic area.

I knew this was what happened to INFORMER and she had had the exact same thing happen to her, but nothing prepared me for this shock. Up until that time I TURLY thought that they would x-ray me and there would be nothing wrong with me, that I am just a greedy fat pig and I am yet again a complete failure destined to be a fat git for the rest of my life.

I now know that since May, my band has been screwed. The excruciating debilitating pain I have experienced when it burst, and at each subsequent fill has been because of this fault. I am so angry and ecstatic at the same time. It was nothing to do with my fall down the stairs afterall.

I am not a failure. I was losing weight so well and I was having such success, and then it was all ripped away from me literally.

It is totally weird to see that catheter hanging loosely inside your body cavity. No WONDER I was in agony. And I mean agony.

So I was in tears walking back to see Dr. Dillemans after having the x-ray and sobbing and I just couldn't help it. I wasn't worried, it was sort of like humiliation, and fear, and anger and everything all together - also a lot of 'poor me' in there too.

So we went back in to see Dr. D and he was totally cool. He is so angry about it and emailed the company too. I mean - he has to squeeze my surgery in to his day tomorrow, its the last thing he wants to happen. So he reassured me and put me at ease and I was laughing by the time I left his office.

I am now quite happy, but a totally ticked off that I have lost 8 months and re gained all my weight. I feel pretty crap about that, but at least I was not wrong. At least I wasn't going mad.

I am more angry with Dr. Dovey. I cannot believe after seeing me he didn't do the simple sum 2=2+4 and refer me back to see Dr. Dillemans. Even after he aspirated my band that time and found no fluid, you would think that might spur him into action, but no. What an idiot. I will be having serious words. He even saw INFORMER before he saw me on the morning of my last fill. Maybe thats why I saw him scuttying off after my appointment so quickly...

I have seen him 3 times, each time I weighed more, and each time he says I am making progress. YEAH RIGHT!! I bloody knew there was something wrong and now I am having surgery again because of it. I could have sorted this out back in May had Dovey said that those were the symptoms of a port break out.

So when I was bending down to feed the cats, or put the washing in, no wonder I was crippled... the metal prong that comes out of the port which should be sheathed in silicone is sicking directly up and jabs into my stomach muscle every time I bend over! I had to employ Mina!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So I am Nil by mouth from midnight, and tomorrow I will be going in for my surgery first thing. I hope I will be anyway!! I have to be there 8am and apparently I will be able to come home in the afternoon (or back to the hotel anyway). I am glad I am getting it sorted out, but now a bit nervous of the pain as I was in pain after the last one... Hopefully it wont be so bad.

So peeps, say a little prayer for me and keep me in your thoughts. Hopefully I will be on the road to success very very soon!

I will update this when I get a chance.

Thanksgiving Desserts for Surgical Weight Loss

Have you started planning your Thanksgiving menu? In just two short weeks we'll be carving the great American turkey and giving thanks for life's bounty.Desserts always present a special challenge as we try to follow our weight loss surgery dietary guidelines, but also desire to participate in family rituals and traditions of Thanksgiving. Today I opened my treasured Neighborhood Cookbook and

Farewell amigo's

I am off to Belgium again

Most likely I will have another surgery.

I am bricking it to be frank. After talking to 'INFORMER' last night, and again today, there is no doubt that the same thing that happened to her has happened to me. Its not just similar its exactly the same. Everything that she went through I went through.

I am horrified that I am having to stump up £68 on the ferry, £? in petrol, £800 for hotel and all kinds of other stuff. I am having to put it on my credit card because I simply don't have it.
God knows what it will be like to drive home if I have to have surgery.... :o(

So I am driving to Bruges tomorrow. We leave here at 8am and then catch the 12 o'clock ferry from Dover, should arrive in France about 2:30 and hopefully be in Bruges at about 5:00ish. Looks like a dead simple run to be honest. I have one of those satellite navigation jobbys, but it looks straight up the A16 in France, then across the boarder the A18 right the way to Bruges.

I just hope I am gonna be able to drive home. I have booked to come home on Sunday. I am probably being over cautious, but its either going to be recuperation time, or its going to be a nice rest after all the stress and hassle of this day. I wish today never happened. I have been rushing around like the proverbial blue bottomed fly.

I am praying that this is going to be able to be fixed with a local anaesthetic... but I just know I ain't that lucky. What a nightmare.

My bunk mate M can't come with me. I feel sick leaving her here knowing that we both have the same problem, but on the other hand pleased that at least she will be armed with my info when she does go.

Right, talk to you peeps laterz.

When Surgery Does Not Work

Published in the October 2, 2007 You Have Arrived NewsletterThoughts From KayeWhen the surgery doesn't workWhen someone is frustrated with their surgical weight loss, perhaps by a plateau, complications or even weight gain, I often hear the words of despair, "I guess I'm just one of those who the surgery is not going to work for." Early in my weight loss surgery work I thought this was a false

SCARIEST CONVERSATION OF MY LIFE

I made a VERY interesting phone call today.

I dont know whether to be extatic or soiling my pants or furious or what. Infact I think that I will be all of them.

Everyone who reads this blog regularly knows how my band and I have been NOT getting along for the last 5 months.

For everyone that doesn't... Here's a quick re-cap

14 Feb 2007 Banded in Bruges by Dr. Dillemans with Heliogast 10ml band

*1 week later, lost 8 pound

*1 month on lost 15 pounds

*2 months on lost 20.5 pounds

*3 months on lost 23.5 pounds
Fell down the stairs - hospital x-ray for legs. No probs
Recovering from Fall, taking into hospital with sudden onset gut rot - kidney stones/diverticulitis considered

*4 months started regaining. - regain 1 pound
Went to Sri Lanka and ate like a complete hog.
Recurrent pain every single day

*7 months on
Hired a housekeeper as no longer can manage domestic chores due to crippling pain (NO JOKE!)

*9 months on... have regained 18.5 pounds and been in agony for 5 months solid. NOT GOOD.

So that's it basically, very very basically.

After my phone call I had heard basically the EXACT same story except that this person went back to Belgium, like I am doing, and ended up in theatre having another general an a fix for her band. Her port had come UNDONE. She got to about 5 or 6mls just like me (and M - my bunk mate in Bruges!!) and then it went pop... about 3-4 months after surgery. She got 8 months down the line in agony and pain and frustration and depression and failure just like ME and M and then went back to Bruges to get it fixed. She was then back to square one and is about 6 weeks into her new port.

Apparently there were a whole bunch of bad bands that were obviously blowing out. They are all over the world, not just Belgium, they are everywhere. It is not the surgeons fault at all, but the makers of the band.

I am now:

excited that my band is busted and I can restore faith in it
excited that I will lose weight if that's the case
excited that this time next year (dejavu) I will be thin
Pissed off that its ME AGAIN!!! WHY WHY WHY WHY
Pissed off that no one bothered to check serial numbers and do a recall if it is the case
Pissed off that I have wasted 9 months of my life
Pissed off that I am still a fat cow
Frightened that I might have to have surgery again
Frightened that it might go wrong again
Frightened that it might NOT be the same problem and its something else
Angry that I have to go through this drama
Angry that my friend has to go through this drama
FURIOUS at all the wasted time and money and time off work etc

I wonder what he would say if I said, "just give me a refund mate!"

JEEEEEZZZ I really don't know whats wrong with my life. Maybe I was born under a rain cloud or something.

Also...a lot of lap band and RNY people are getting horrible comments on their blogs by an anonymous reader who is really spiteful and rude. Thankfully, they haven't written to me yet...
I know that other people deal with all sorts of rubbish in their lives, and problems. the thing is, this is MY problem, so thats why I am writing about it. If I had another problem I would write about that...

I hope if the nasty f***wit reads my blog they read this bit too.

Infected port scar photo

This is a photo of my port scar 2 days after my last fill. You can see the bruising and puncture wound from the fill to the right. My stomach had swollen up and that's when the scar started to go pink, hot and then the surrounding tissue started going red too. You can see a faint ring around the scar here.

Pain? OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cure? 1 week of Flucloxicillin 500mg 4 times per day.

The last few days....

My my my.

I need a holiday man.

Mina has left the building. I gave her an ultimatum that was too good to resist and she left.
I was so fed up with her chain smoking in the garden and leaving her buts by the back door and coming in all red blotchy and moody from having yet another row and subsequent crying fit with Ricky.

After my last post, I had a chocolate fest. I ate (in the space of 1 hour):
2 toblerones
1 bounty
1 mars
1 twix
1 kitkat chunky
1 bar galaxy
1 snickers
and swigged it all down with ropey sweet sherry.

I lost the absolute plot. I was totally stressed out. I was so stressed just sitting on the sofa that my tummy and port were actually hurting again!

I didn't think I stress ate, but I obviously do, especially when its coming up to 'that dreaded time' too.

I sat up chatting until 2am with Mina about this and that and the other.

On Friday DH took her to college, and I picked her up (btw college is 8 miles away) and on the way home I decided that I just wanted her gone. It simply wasn't going to get any better. She was going home later on that night anyway, so I thought I would plant my little seed again and set it out before her since she had now had nearly a whole day to think about her situation etc.

I gave her an hour to decide and she jumped. I went to work at 2:00pm and said goodbye then as by the time I got home from work I knew she would be gone.

DH was really angry - not at her, but at Ricky for ruining her chances more than anything.
A Bulgarian in the UK with no family, no money, no qualifications or training and no chance of getting a normal job as they aren't allowed unless she is self employed, abused mentally by her boyf', been through all kinds of rubbish growing up in a country with an alcoholic Dad, and neglectful mother and only 21. Suddenly she is living for free in a house with her own room, anything she wants, a college course that will enable her to be self employed and money in her pocket.

She left to get the bus at 5:45 and on the way out she said "Am I doing the right thing?" and he said "To be honest, I don't think so Mina." and then she said "No, I don't think so either..." and left. What a silly girl.

She still has some stuff here, so I am wondering if she is hedging her bets...

Friday night was strange. I was worried about her and hoping he would treat her well etc. He is a such a manipulative guy. Hes like a 5 year old begging for sweets, wearing his Mum down until shes too weak to do anything else.

She says, its what she is used to.

If she finishes the course at college I will be amazed.

Friday was hard work, at work and at home. I cant even remember what I ate but I think it was less than 1800 cals.

Yesterday was well tiring. I was up at 8am, and out to work at 9. I worked all day until 6pm when I met my boys at the swimming pool to go for a quick dip. DH thought it would be good and as I finish near the pool on a Saturday evening, it was a really cool idea.

Today has been good so far.
I have had 2 weetabix for breakfast, a prawns salad for lunch and one of those Nutrigrain Oat Baked Bar's as a snack. I am exhausted from the last few days though. I just want to go to bed and sleep.

DH has downloaded the last 5 episodes of Heroes that I haven't seen yet. He watched the series back in April and May and said it was great, but I wasn't interested. However he talked about it so damn much that I thought I would give it a go. Its BRILLIANT. Well strange, but fabulously acted/written and cast. I cant explain what its about as I still don't know!! HA HA. He is watching the first series again with me so that I can catch up in time to watch the new series which is screening in America right now. He has 6 episodes of that so far too, so no doubt we shall be catching that up too soon.
If you haven't seen it, I suggest starting at the beginning. Its not the sort of thing you can pick up a couple of episodes into at all.

Right, I am off to do something other than be on this machine.
cheerio