Its going to work this time

Went to see Wendy at the Weightloss Surgery Group today.

What an inspiration. The managing director, Michelle, has had a band and lost over 12 stone and another lady there who worked on the team had lost 13 stone. There are more too, but these are the ones I met. Wendy the nurse is lovely. She totally knows what she is doing and the treatment I received could definitely be called After Care.

I arrived a little early for my appointment and was shown in to see Michelle. It was in the lift up there, I met a lady who worked there (cant remember her name) who had lost 13 stone, and then I met Michelle. I talked me through my story, most of which we had already discussed on the phone, and then she gave me some details and reassured me that the band works. period. She discussed area where they would accept a patient, and where they would not, but above all it was my commitment to working with their advice that would eventually get me the results I crave.

Then Michelle introduced me to Wendy, a bariatric nurse, and she took some more information... things like what had happened with my band, when my re-surgery was done and how much fluid I thought there was in there first off. I told her that for the first month or so after my operation I was still trying to make the band confirm to MY eating habits rather than accept that i had to change, but that for the past 3 weeks I had been trying my utmost to toe the line and in the last 2 weeks I haven't been sick or had pain at all.

She looked over my food diary that I had kept for the last week and asked me why I was eating mostly soft foods...

I hadn't considered them to be so, but i can kind of see her point now. Anyway, the cals were fine and she was not bothered about anything untoward. She then asked me if she put a chicken and salad sandwich infront of me now, how much would I be able to eat. I said that if it was with 2 slices bread then half that because its dry. She wanted to know which foods made me have bad reactions etc. Then she asked if I had restriction. I told her yes, I did have, but it doesn't really show as long as I chew my food well and its wet-ish. She also asked me if I could eat more after I had finished, and I said that 95% time I finish whats on my plate and stop there because there IS no more, not because I cant eat any more, so I am kind of self restricting.

So she decided that she was going to put in 1.2ml, but she was going to do it over 2 weeks. She said she would give me 0.6mls today, and then the other 0.6ml in 2 weeks time at no extra cost.
This was to err on the side of caution and get a good idea of things and how I react to fills, especially as it was after my 2nd fill back in May that my port blew out and I was obviously nervous about that.

So I laid on the bed and she showed me the needle in the package with the hole in the side. She placed 0.6mls into the syringe and then started to feel for the port. I had my hands raised over my head, and then she asked me to do a leg lift like in the gym so that the heels were just off the bed and then she located it fine. This all took much longer than its ever done before. Then she said "Look at the angle of the needle. I will write down that your port is slightly on its side so that I remember in future, but I just wanted to show you that too so you know as well." And it was indeed a little bit weird. Not vertical, but slightly lying down and to the left a little.

So then she pushed the 0.6 mls home and I thought that was it. But then she said "Now I am going to check the total fluid..." and carefully withdrew the liquid. "I am doing it ever so slowly and then releasing the syringe to check for the slight suction that should be there" which is was and that apparently means that there are no leaks and stuff. She pulled the syringe to maximum and there was exactly 5.1mls in my band. WOW. I felt a bit weird and funny when she put it back in, but I just lay there for a few minutes. There was no bleeding from the wound or anything like that and everything was done.

She filled out a card with my weight on it (110.6kg on Sunday 13th January at 4:45pm) and then how much she had put in, and how much was in the band in total.

Then there was more talking and showing me stuff and a model and spare bands to show what she had put in and show the difference etc. Then I went to see the dietitian. She is called Hala, and she is lovely too. She looked over my diet sheet and wasn't too bothered either, and then asked me to keep a record of all my food until I see her next time and when I eat that food as she said that was really telling.

So all in all, a very enjoyable and reassuring time. I felt in VERY safe hands with people who know what they are doing, who have experienced the operation first hand and gone through the process. It was truly worth the £100.

Today's food:
3 smoked salmon slices
mash
green beans
minced beef and gravy
1 square of 70% chocolate

Extra protein with your Mussels...

I was amazed at the amount of tiny crabs I had in my mussels when we were in France. Apparently the mussels eat the little crabs and this is the time of year for them to do such things... makes them a bit crunchy though. I couldn't be bothered to keep checking them, so I just gobbled them down.

Anyway, back to fills... Had a an answer to my distress email from my Bunk Mate from Brugge this morning. She is so adorable and I love her to bits. I am so pissed of with this weight thing though. Any of you who think I am rash then don't worry. I am going to London tomorrow to see the weightloss surgery group www.wlsgroup.co.uk for aftercare and to see how they are. I don't actually know if they will give me a fill tomorrow without seeing my x-rays but if they offer me one I am going to take it. Then I will see how I feel. Obviously it depends on what she gives me. If she gives me 2ml (doubtful) then sure I wont have another fill for ages. If she gives me less that 1 ml, then I am totally getting another one on Thursday from the other doctor. But don't worry I wont do anything rash. Yesterday I was just wound up.

My reasoning is this - supposedly most people having significant restriction and it really working for them are at about 7mls give or take. If that's the case, then I am going to need more fills. I cant keep living like this and I need to get my life on track yesterday. So as the aftercare from www.wlsgroup.co.uk is just that - an aftercare PACKAGE - I can get unfilled at any time and have access to a 24 hour bariatric nurse in an emergency. I am not going to be all out in the dark on my own like I was last year.

I am going to be sensible, but I physically cant take not losing weight any more.

Today's food:

Breakfast: Nothing

Lunch: beans on toast

Snack: muller corner

Dinner: chicken breast stuffed with fresh lemon and onion and wrapped in thin pastry (60g) served with broccoli and carrots and a cardamom sauce.

All heavily counted and verified and total calories today were 973.

You see, I really am sticking to plan so its not just a case of eating less calories anymore. I am totally doing the right things.

Today has been manic. I hate it when I have loads of piano lessons all over the place. I was in and out of home like the proverbial fiddlers elbow today. I had 3 straight off the bat and then 20 minutes to kill before the next one, then 1 hour to kill before the next and then 2 hours before the last one. It really drags the day out. Anyway, its over now and I was able to shift one up closer to another one so next week wont be quite as annoying. I might try and squeeze another couple of lessons in to make it worth my while staying out to be honest. I would rather be working anyway, if I kind of have to remain in teacher mode all day. Its not as if I can relax on those breaks.

So, I am off to watch Shaun of the Dead... again... and see if its still as funny!

A Boot Camp Weight Loss Story

Tim has lost 128 pounds. He lost the first sixty pounds over eight months by starting a regular walking program and then joining a gym. He joined an Operations Boot Camp to help him lose the rest of the weight.

It was just before his 40th birthday that he made the decision to lose weight. It took him less than two years to lose this much weight. For a guy who used to have trouble walking from the parking lot to his office, he's now become a fitness instructor!

Check out his Boot Camp weight loss story here.

Lets get this band to KICK ARSE

Right, I have totally had enough of poncing about.

I have booked a fill on Sunday AND Thursday. I am fucked off with having to ravel to London every 4 weeks and pissing about losing nothing.

I don't care what happens, I just need this bloody thing to start doing it's thing RIGHT NOW.

This weeks food... just to keep you all in the loop...

Today: 749 cals
1 Bowl Borscht - beetroot, celeriac, potato, passata, onion, garlic, dill
4 duchess potatoes
2 tablespoons of baked beans
1/4 small quiche
1 muller fruit corner

Thursday: 819 cals
1 quorn meatball and onions, peas and mashed potato
2 muller fruit corners
2 packets of crisps


Wednesday: 984 cals
Yoghurt (muller with a fruit corner)
Borscht
1 chicken breast, mushroom, cabbage, celeriac, bacon in stock
1/2 bottle red wine

Tuesday: 1697 cals
pot noodle
2 packets crisps
1 portion of lasagne

Monday: 1100 cals
chocolate bar
2 banana's
home made chick pea and prawn curry

Sunday: 714 cals
1 croissant
1 pot of mussels in tarragon (1.5 pts with shells on)
3 very small slices of bread
2 glasses white wine

Saturday: 1379 cals
1 slice brioche
1 tablespoon fois gras (chick liver pate)
tomato
olives
olive oil/balsamic vinegar with 1 slice brioche
1 pot moules marniers
1 ice cream desert with nuts and meringue
1 bottle red wine

That ain't a hell of a lot I don't think.

My mum has said she was surprised at how much I can eat. Well... Ummm... its about 4 times less that it used to be honey! And I am annoyed at people on http://www.lapbandtalk.com/ they talk out of their arses...

They were like..."wheres your protein, its all really high in fat, I don't know what half of these things you ate are" - well we don't know what your dumb ass American food is either, but we just FUCKING WELL LOOK IT UP! Its not hard! Jesus, how hard is it to understand crisps?? I knew that Americans ate 'chips' and the Brits ate 'crisps' when I was an infant school. GET A GRIP YOU INSULAR SHITS.

Also my protein has been
I QUOTE
on or above the recommended daily 45g according to the Daily plate...
and YES! I do use that. Do they think I don't know what the hell I am doing? Of course I do. I just need some damn advise because seemingly the diet above it BOLLOCKS because I am not losing. When you factor in that I don't lie about all day, get off my arse and do things you would expect that I could shift at least a pound right?

All this crap about 60g of protein... its utter drivel. All this stuff about keeping full... to be honest I am not starving at all so why would I possibly need to wind my way through all that?

Also, the fat intake according to the Daily plate has been BELOW the guideline amount every day, except for 8th January. So screw them! They know nothing at all about this - just a bunch of bigoted greedy nosy bastards with more than their tuppence to share and its not worth a light.

What a day.

Those assholes really ticked me off, especially because if I wrote back a post like "Oh, actually you are all... like... WRONG!" they would find something else to diss me with, so screw it.
They know absolutely nothing. What a damn shame. It could have been such a good site if it wasn't for all the goody goody know alls who don't know shit.

I am now over it. *steam rising*

Tomorrow is yet another day, and I promise not to shout at you all again or anything! HA!

Sunday I will stump up about £250 for a fill, but it will be worth it. I cant go on like this its killing me. I KNOW I am doing everything right. yeah yeah yeah, I know I could cut the drink back, and yeah the junk... but OMG everything is so shagging shite that I need something to look forward to! I wish I didn't turn to food for oral satisfaction. Why cant I be addicted to sex or something. Far more fun and at least it burns calories.

Some people have all the luck.

*sigh*

Acai Berry And Weight Loss - Videos

For many centuries, the health benefits of acai berry was unknown outside of the Amazon , but today more and more people are discovering the health enhancing power of this antioxidant-rich berry.

Benefits of Acai Berry -

Acai Berry cleanses and detoxifies the body of infectious toxins and accumulated fats from the body, which leads to weight loss.

Acai Berry increases the metabolism in the body, which helps in burning fat from the body. It is s a natural product available at reasonable cost. It helps in weight loss only if a person is willing to control his diet. None of the product will work if the person is eats carelessly.

Acai Berry is a rich source of protein and dietary fiber which helps in weight loss.

Acai Berry helps in sound sleep.

It has high levels of omega 6 and omega 9 fatty acids which play a role in lowering cholesterol level.

Anti aging - Acai Berry slows down the aging process.

Superfood - It is known as one of the most powerful superfood (a general term used for foods that provide significant nutrition and are believed to fight diseases)

Watch Video - Acai Berry Diet & Benefits

Losing Weight With the Help of Meditation

Many of us are trying very hard to change ourselves and our habits at this time in the New Year. But changing habits with sheer willpower is the hardest thing and we are often beating ourselves up about it when we fail. I found the first couple of sentences from this Zen newsletter very interesting in this regard. It's a different approach entirely;

Zen practice begins with affirming the relationship of the moment rather than trying to improve or change ourselves. Instead of trying to change the self that is relating, the effort is in more fully immersing oneself in relationship.

Read more from this Zen Buddhist newsletter here.

The art print above is by Elvira Amrhein

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY??????????

Why do I do it?

I jumped on the scales this morning, after a glass of water and fully clothed and I am 17 stone 10.

This is destroying me.

I really thought that I have had a good week so far, and I know its after liquid and clothes, but for GODS SAKE!

I feel so utterly shit about everything to do with weightloss that I feel like going and smashing things up. I feel fat and ugly and a failure. I have had it. I cant do this any more.