Wow, how tight am I?

Rather a loaded title, but you guys know what I mean!

had a couple of depressing food days.
Where are we... Thursday? Ok... well I will start with Tuesday then. It was really random and I must admit that I had a few thoughts about band slippage because it was so weird...

I don't think I ate anything all morning, and at lunch I had a couple of salami slices and half a slice of bread and butter. At about 3:30 I went off to work, and I was feeling mighty dodgy. I was sick at my pupils house... this was induced sickness rather than spontaneous. I am going to have to invent some word for this. Its not a pb. I hate that phrase too. I don't get pb's in the true sense of what they mean - productive burps. I get an elephant standing on my chest and have to induce vomiting. Then I feel better.

Ok... I am gonna call it HMS - as in Had to Make myself Sick

So, I HMS, and came home feeling a bit woozy. I really needed sugar ad I had that whole tremor thing going on. So I bought chocolate. 3 bars for £1 (bargain). Ate a couple of squares of Dairy Milk and then had to be sick at the side of my car in the village High Street. Nice. Then I went home. I felt terrible. It felt like I had swallowed a golf ball... but it was UNDER my band. It was like there was some massive thing I needed to throw up that was stuck under my band. It was voice changing, mucus producing, sweat beading-ly horrible. I was belching and grunting over the bathroom sink and spitting foam whilst DS phoned to cancel my pupils (which made me feel even better after having just been off for 2 weeks holiday!) But after about half an hour the belches subsided and I was exhausted. I went to lie down and slept until 7pm. I got up then and showed a new lodger around the room and decided that I was feeling remarkably well. How strange. I was still all shaky, so I drank some milk and then sucked the milky bar I had bought earlier. No problem. Then I cooked the dinner for everyone and laid the table and sat down to chilli con carne. There was NO way I could eat that in a million years. I had a few mouthfuls but knew immediately I had to HMS. I should have just not bothered, but I was hungry man! So I thought stuff food, and just drank juice. Later in the evening I had some of the left over bread and butter pudding that I had also made for the brood. This was nice because it was soggy and gooey and slipped down a treat. The shakes subsided and that brought Tuesday to an end. So Tuesdays food consisted of a bit of bread, a slice of salami, 1 chocolate bar and a serving of bread and butter pudding. Crap.

Yesterday? Well it was not too different to be honest, but at least I didn't have the whole "I am gonna chuck my band up through its own stoma" problem.

I got up and decided to have a banana. However, the band decided that this was SO not going to happen, and I managed 1 bite. I waited 30 minutes and then was able to drink a couple of sips of coffee. I was dying of thirst, but I just could do it. We went into town and booked a hall for my concert on the 5th July, and then it was only after maybe 2 or so hours had passed since the banana mystery that I finally drank my cold coffee and a bottle of water to boot. I have a habit of taking my coffee with me in the car because this kind of thing often happens, so it was dutifully waiting for me on our return from the shops.

Lunch ended up being the browning banana I had intended to eat for brekkie, as I wasn't that hungry and couldn't be bothered to do anything else. Then I cooked Puttanesca sauce ready for when I got home from work. and off I toddled. I did a full schedule of lessons and drank 1 cup of tea all afternoon, and when I got home I was starving. I fired up the burners under the pasta and then gathered the masses to feeding time. I managed the most POXY portion. It was about 6 quills of pasta and sauce and then a quick HMS and a 30 minute wait followed by 1 more quill and an olive. Rubbish. But I was satiated which is always the oddest thing to get my head around. It just doesn't seem real to be able to get so full on so little food. I MUST get used to this as this is I think the crux of any weightloss problems I have post banding.

So that was dinner and then about 10pm, I was peckish and I had a few slices of salami whilst playing Sims 2. I took a pint of orange juice to bed with me, and that was yesterday. Banana, pasta, Salami and juice.

Today I am feeling tight too. I knew when I rolled out of bed. I swallowed the last of the orange juice that I took to bed with me, and could 'feel' it. That's always a sure sign that there is absolutely No point whatsoever in bothering with breakfast as its a fight that I will not win.

So, shall update later, but that's it right now. Feeling in need of food big time. It seems a long time since I had a full meal, and I really really miss it. Its the swallowing part I miss most. To swallow a big mouthful just once more, would be really nice.

** The Update**

I am a little bit concerned to be fair... I have been able to eat nothing today. I didn't bother with breakfast as I said, and lunch came and went without me noticing it. Then I made a quiche for tonight's dinner, and went off to work. I was at my pupils house where they always give me food and today they had laid on 2 MASSIVE chunks of french bread with butter and jam and a chocolate bar from Thorntons! Phew. So I took a nice bite and as she left, and as soon as my pupils back was turned, I wrapped one of the slabs of bread and jam in the napkin and stuffed it in my bag. All was ok until I tried at the end of the lesson to quickly down the tea she had made and I knew I wasn't going to make it. I got out of the house and into the car, drove a little way down the road and HMS'd on the road.

Then I did another lesson and then went to the meeting and on the way to the meeting started eating the chocolate bar figuring that it wa nearly 7pm and I haven't eaten all day. Soon as I got to the meeting I HMS'd in the toilet. I am now at home, HMS'ing into the sink after having one of DS's crisps.

I know that all the stuff I am managing to eat is junk. This is half the reason I am trying to eat it, because I actually thought it would go down considering it always has before. I also know there is absolutely no point this side of tomorrow that I could eat anything approaching vegetable or meat based in solid form.

So, here ends yet another day of shit eating, shit eating habits and shitty vomiting and feeling... Shit.

Frankly I don't know what to do. shall I go on liquids for a couple of days or should I just persevere with food? I can at least drink, so I am making sure that I do. I have also been taking my berroca religiously because of this rubbish.

Anyone else ever had this problem? Am I too tight? - and if so... how is that possible since my last fill was ages ago?

Wow, I just don't know what to do. I feel like crying to be honest. I cant console myself in anything that will comfort me. I cant even eat goddamn chocolate!

The Seat of Power

Have you ever wondered why the buttocks is one of the most attractive parts of the body on both sexes? Here's the most common explanation I've heard mindlessly repeated: it's attractive because a man with a nice posterior will be better at thrusting during sex. I've also heard that it's purely aesthetic and nonfunctional, like a baboon's. Neither of these make any sense.

The shape of the buttocks comes mostly from the gluteal muscles (maximus and medius), superimposed by a layer of fat. The 'glutes' are some of the strongest muscles in the body, due to their large size and efficient leverage. Thrusting doesn't even come close to tapping into the glutes' tremendous power. What does? Heavy lifting. Sprints. Jumps. In short, some of the most functional full-body movements we perform as humans.

In any full-body movement, the hips are the central source of power. The strongest muscles surround the hips, and muscle strength diminishes progressively as you move further from them. A shapely buttocks is typically a strong buttocks, and a strong buttocks generally means a strong person. So if you want to decide at a glance whether a person is capable of sprinting and jumping after large prey, and then carrying it home, the buttocks is a good place to look.

The buttocks is also a storage area for fat. Humans tend to store a disproportionate amount of fat near their center of gravity: in the abdominal cavity, on the hips and on the buttocks. The right amount of fat indicates a healthy individual. A shapely buttocks is typically attached to someone who is strong and well-nourished. It's not so hard to imagine why we find it attractive.

Real Food VIII: Ghee

All this talk about butter is making me hungry. Richard mentioned in the comments that he bought some ghee recently and has been enjoying it, so I thought I'd post a recipe. Ghee is the Hindi word for clarified butter. It's butter that has had everything removed but the fat. Rich in fat-soluble vitamins and lacking the sometimes problematic lactose and casein, ghee has rightfully been considered a health food in India since ancient times.

Another advantage of ghee is its high smoke point, which is higher than butter because it doesn't contain any protein or sugars. Consequently, food sauteed in ghee has a clean, rich taste.

The recipe is simple but touchy. I recommend using the best butter you can get your hands on. 100% grass-fed, unsalted cultured butter is the best.

Ingredient and materials

• Butter (1 lb minimum)
• Wide-mouth glass jars
• Cheesecloth
• Rubber bands
  

Recipe

1. Place the butter in a saucepan and turn the heat to medium until it's melted.
   
2. Once it begins to boil, turn the heat down to low. It's very important to calibrate the heat correctly. Typically, you will want the burner on its lowest setting. The idea is to evaporate the water without burning the oil. It should boil, but slowly.
3. The melted butter starts out cloudy but gradually clears up as the water evaporates. At the same time, a crust will form on the surface of the ghee and the bottom of the pan. Keep the heat very low.
   
4. Push a portion of the top crust to the side with a spoon to see inside of the saucepan. When the butter looks clear and bubbles only rise from the bottom every few seconds, it's done. You have to be very careful because once the water has evaporated, the fat heats up quickly and burns the crust. This gives the ghee an acrid flavor and color. Make sure to handle the pot cautiously, because hot oil can give severe burns.
   
5. Allow the ghee to cool until it's warm but not hot. Place a piece of cheesecloth over the lid of your jar. Secure it with a rubber band. Pour the ghee through the cheesecloth, into the jar.
   
6. Store ghee in the refrigerator or at room temperature. It keeps much longer than butter.

The picture above is of my last batch of ghee.

Flattering Clothes for a Larger Waist

Here's a video with Katie Stiles showing off five inexpensive summer tops that help hide a very slight post-pregnancy belly. They're all available at Eddie Bauer online for under $40.

More Fat-Soluble Vitamin Musing

If vitamin A, D and K2 deficiency are important contributors to the characteristic pattern of chronic disease in modern societies (the 'disease of civilization'), we should see certain associations. We would expect to find a lower fat-soluble vitamin status along with the most prevalent chronic diseases: cancer, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, osteoporosis, tooth decay, etc. We would also expect that improving vitamin status could reduce the incidence or recurrence of these diseases, which would be more convincing than a simple association.

Let's start with cancer. This one is like shooting fish in a barrel. There are consistent associations between low vitamin D status and numerous cancers, most notably breast and colon. And it doesn't just stop at associations. Here's a double-blind, placebo-controlled trial showing a 60% reduction of internal cancers in 1,179 American women taking 1,100 IU of D3 (and calcium) per day for 4 years. I won't go through the rest of the mountain of data linking low vitamin D to cancer, but if you want to see more science go here.

Vitamin K2 has been less well studied in this respect, but preliminary evidence is promising. Cancer patients are often vitamin K deficient. Supplementation with menatetrenone (K2 isoform MK-4) may reduce the recurrence of liver cancer. There's a strong inverse association between K2 intake and advanced prostate cancer, with the effect coming mostly from dairy.

In my post on K2 last week, I mentioned a study in which investigators found a strong inverse association between K2 consumption and cardiovascular as well as all-cause mortality. Patients with severe arterial calcifications tend to be K2 deficient, and K2 deficiency can induce arterial calcification in rodents. Marcoumar, a drug that interferes with K2 status, also causes calcification in humans. There's a mechanism behind K2's effect on CVD. There are several K2-dependent proteins that may protect the arteries from calcification, lipid accumulation and damage: matrix Gla protein, gas6, and protein S.

There is also a compelling association between vitamin D status and cardiovascular disease. Here's a quote from one study that struck me:

The adjusted prevalence of hypertension (odds ratio [OR], 1.30), diabetes mellitus (OR, 1.98), obesity (OR, 2.29), and high serum triglyceride levels (OR, 1.47) was significantly higher in the first than in the fourth quartile of serum 25(OH)D levels (P<.001 for all).

In other words, the 25% of people with the lowest D status are more likely to have hypertension and high triglycerides, and much more likely to be obese and/or have diabetes than the 25% with the highest D status. Keep in mind it's just an association, but that is nevertheless an impressive list of problems that are linked to low D status. Here's a large study that looked specifically at the association of vitamin D status and heart attack risk, and found a strong association even for people who are only mildly deficient. Supplementing elderly women with a modest amount of D3 improves hypertension.

The link between fat-soluble vitamins and bone/dental health is very strong. Vitamins D and K2 are required for proper formation and mineralization of the bones and teeth, and proper development of the cranium and face (this is exactly what Weston Price saw). K2 supplementation has a major protective effect on osteoporosis and fractures, according to several controlled trials. The salivary glands have the highest concentration of K2 MK-4 of any organ, and they secrete it into saliva along with K2-dependent proteins. Weston Price documented the dramatic protective effect of cod liver oil (A and D) and butter oil (A and K2) against tooth decay.

I couldn't find any consistent associations between vitamin A status and chronic disease. This may be because, as opposed to D and K2, few people in the US or Europe are deficient. It's interesting to note that grain-fed dairy is still a good source of vitamin A, while it loses most of the vitamin D and K2 that's found in grass-fed dairy.

Osteoporosis and arterial calcification are not due to a lack or an excess of calcium. In fact, the two problems often come hand-in-hand. Calcium supplements are unnecessary at best. The Japanese, who eat far less calcium than the average American, have a lower risk of osteoporosis and fracture. The problem with both osteoporosis and arterial calcification is that the body is not using its calcium effectively. The studies mentioned above show that the fat-soluble vitamins are critical for proper calcium use by the body, among other things.

I hope you can see that a deficiency of fat-soluble vitamins could well be a major contributor to the characteristic pattern of diseases that afflict industrialized nations. There are two more facts that we need to complete the picture. First of all, most Americans are vitamin D deficient and nearly all of us are K2 deficient. A, D and K are synergistic. A and D have their own nuclear receptors that alter the transcription of hundreds of genes, while K activates many of these genes once they are translated into proteins. Thus, you'd expect that giving them together would have a much larger effect that giving them alone. This suggests that the studies using single vitamins may be falling far short of the protection afforded by optimal status of all three.

having a seriously tight day... just when I dont want to

I really want to eat.

Really really really badly!

I went to fat fighters this morning and surveyed the damage I did to my holiday weight gain... 15 stone 9 pounds. Excellent. That's 2 pounds of the gain down the bog.

I took a banana for me and TB to eat after the weigh in, but I managed 1 bite and had to chuck the rest. Half way home I had to stop mid-roadway and puke it up.

Lunch - grabbed some of last nights risotto and some smoked salmon I had in the fridge. Had 2 mouthfuls when Lotse announced that lunch was ready. Gulp. I was already full and about to be sick. I had seen the ominous cauldron bubbling on the stove, but assumed that it was a massive stew for his gigantic appetite and his wife to share. Wrong. His wife made us traditional Hungarian Goulash (pronounced Goo-yash) which we HAD to eat. Double Gulp.

DH said "Quick... go throw that up so you can get a bowl of this down you" and as it would happen that is what I was going to have to do anyway, Goulash or not. so I threw up my 2 spoons of risotto and it had such an air pocket behind it where I must have gulped it down or something, that it actually Hit the sink at the speed of light and pebble-dashed the wall. Great.

My goodness, no wonder I felt as if I had a stone down my gullet. I have never had that before, but it was like a big bubble of air trapped behind a bolus of food. Proper horrid anyway.

So, I sat down to (thankfully) some goulash which I could eat as the soup is very thin and I just left the veg in the bowl. I got away with it thankfully.

I went to work, and have not had any dinner yet... I am just debating what it will be. I had a couple of DS's Jelly beans that my sister gave to him for dreaming up her new website name. They are sitting in there right now, so although I want to stuff my face with chocolates and stuff because I am having PMT from hell and back, I cant.

Meditation

Meditation is the single most effective tool I've ever found for cultivating calmness, positivity and self-acceptance. It's an ancient technique that's simple and free. In fact, it's so simple, I'm about to teach it to you in five minutes over the internet. I personally practice Zen meditation
several times a week, by myself and with a sitting group. Meditation is not fundamentally a religious practice, although it has been used by spiritual people in every major religion. Don't think you're patient enough for meditation? That's exactly why you should be doing it!

Let's start with posture. The main purpose of the meditation posture is to allow you to remain still for long periods of time without discomfort. I'll discuss two postures: cross-legged and kneeling. Before you elevate your mind though, you have to elevate your backside. Find something you can sit on- a firm cushion or a folded blanket will work well. Your pelvis should be at least four inches above the ground. Now cross your legs. Your knees should be lower than your pelvis. Adjust your posture until you can maintain a straight back without any muscle tension. You'll have to rotate the top of your pelvis forward slightly, curving your lower back in toward your stomach.

Now put your hands together so that your left fingers rest on top of your right ones, just above your lap. Your palms should face up. Now touch your thumbs lightly together. That's it! You are now sitting in a very nice meditation posture. It will get more comfortable over time as you adjust to it.

The kneeling posture is the same except you kneel and put the support under your pelvis, between your legs. Wooden 'seiza' benches work well for this, but are not necessary. Your pelvis should be at least six inches off the ground so that you don't hurt your knees. This is my preferred posture, but I'm admittedly in the minority.

Now that you know the posture, face a blank wall three or four feet away. You can also look at the floor (while keeping your head and neck straight) or anything else that isn't likely to capture your interest.

Try breathing 'into your stomach'. To do this, breathe using only your diaphragm, in such a way that it makes your stomach rise and fall rather than your chest. Breathe slowly and deliberatley, pausing after each exhale. Bring your full attention to the rise and fall of your stomach. That's it, you're meditating! Really. Don't get fancy: it's counterproductive to try to actively relax yourself or achieve some different mental state.

In Zen, we call meditation 'sitting'. We use such a simple word because that's all it is: paying full attention to the moment, while you sit. Just bring your attention to your breath. If your mind drifts, gently bring it back. Don't try to stifle your thoughts, just acknowledge them and come back to your breath. If you can't focus, that's normal.

Try this for 15 minutes at first. Every day is best, but do what you can. When you're more comfortable with the technique, increase your time to 30 minutes. Meditation is a practice that changes and ripens with time.