Breakfast = nothing as I was asleep
Lunch = 1/2 cup of boiled pasta shells, grated cheese and tomato passata
Dinner = 100g chicken pie, 2 duchess potatoes and 60g peas. I'm IMPRESSED with self!
Total cals today so far = (and it never includes coffee's 'cos I cant bothered to count 'em)
661 - how cool
I just did one lesson today - an exam pupil. Her exam is on Wednesday and she should do brilliantly. She is a teenager that has been able to be really cool and in the 'in crowd', yet play an instrument to an extremely high standard and be in all the top sets for all subjects. How did that happen. We were nerds and geeks and squares. I will never understand school mentality.
So today has been mostly sorting out the house. I did a little bit more tidying up today. Swept the floors, did 2 loads of washing and put it in the tumble - WOW! and fed the cats once as well. This really is a result for me. I am beginning to think that maybe just maybe I wont be in pain this evening from it like I would have been 3 weeks ago...
I had enough of the little bit of sticky out cat gut that was on my big scar. I got my tweezers and pulled the blighter... then quite a lot came out... then I just snipped it off as close as I could to the skin and bingo! All gone. I hope I don't unravel!
Monday, November 26, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
YAwwwwnnnn....
cals today = 1500
Mood: Feeling depressed and scuzzy.
Breakfast: 3 chocolate digestives (and improvement on a whole packet I guess)
Lunch: egg noodles, tomato, pepper, onion all mixed together with a little sugar and vinegar to make it kind of sweet and sour style.
Afternoon snack: 150g of those WRETCHED sweets of DS'
Dinner: baked potato with cheese and beans
late night stress eating: 3 bowls of coco pops. Would have been more but packet empty now.
:o(
I'm gonna throw those sweets away and be done with it.
Oh yeah, and I worked out the Thai food last night probably had about 600 cals in it all told. Not good either. PANTS
Mood: Feeling depressed and scuzzy.
Breakfast: 3 chocolate digestives (and improvement on a whole packet I guess)
Lunch: egg noodles, tomato, pepper, onion all mixed together with a little sugar and vinegar to make it kind of sweet and sour style.
Afternoon snack: 150g of those WRETCHED sweets of DS'
Dinner: baked potato with cheese and beans
late night stress eating: 3 bowls of coco pops. Would have been more but packet empty now.
:o(
I'm gonna throw those sweets away and be done with it.
Oh yeah, and I worked out the Thai food last night probably had about 600 cals in it all told. Not good either. PANTS
Saturday, November 24, 2007
More foods that aren't behaving
Right now I am having a semi choke on by breakfast. DH is doing a 24 hour badminton tournament starting at midday so he wanted something more sustaining than cereal so I made him 2 fried egg sarnies. I hadn't had one in ages, so I made myself one too. Yeah. Not good. I had 4 bites and then started to feel the hardness. It kind of went away after a couple of minutes and then I had another bite. ooops. I promptly puked that back up in the kitchen sink and now I am really having PB type burps - not good with egg I'm telling you.
To think that yesterday I thought it was all wrong again and that it wasn't working.
So brekkie consisted of a third of an egg and half a slice of bread.
So another thing to add to the list... fried egg sarnie.
will update later
*update @ 1am*
I have had a seriously bad day today - food wise that is.
It could have been worse, but can't it always.
Today I had the strange egg/sarnie/choke problem for breakfast and was still choking as we drove to badminton. By the time we got there it was better.
I promised DS a McDonalds after we had dropped Daddy off as a treat, so I got him a happy meal. He ate that on the way home but I had nothing. GO ME! No seriously, I didn't want anything otherwise I damn well would have. I love McDonalds. :o(
We got in and I discovered a packet of Mars bars on the floor of the car. They must have dropped out of the bag when we bought them. DH was taking them into the badminton thingy, but there we go. I looked at the calories. Yes I did. 284. "Hmmm..." thought I. I stuffed one in my fat gob. It slipped down like silk and soothed my poor choked throat and filled my tummy and made me fell GREAT. That would have been ok, but then I had another one. I couldn't stop myself. I just wanted that feeling. The sugar rush or the feeling of food in your mouth, or the feeling when it slips down your throat. I dunno. Just *That Feeling*. Then I spent the next hour feeling miserable and trying to forget I had done it by buying things on eBay. Not good either. Buying stuff also makes me feel guilty. I think I have a bit of an addictive personality. I used to smoke loads, then quit. Then I used to buy things loads until I had a wardrobe full of duplicate clothes in 2 or 3 sizes that I didn't like with the labels on and DH told me I was being crazy and took me to the doctors for Prozac and counseling - it helped. I still have a tendency to buy stuff though, especially shoes it seems or stuff for DS or DH or MAD purchases like a new kitchen when there's nothing wrong with the old one! Its not the price, its the item and the feeling I get when I buy it. I have to stop myself.
So after ramming my face with Mars bars, we got back home and I tidied the house a little bit. Its easier to do stuff (YAY!) and I fed the cats for the first time in months and it didn't feel like I was going to die. I also did our bedroom which is always a pigsty and has forever been a pigsty except for the few weeks Mina was with us when it was immaculate. I doubt that will ever happen again. *sigh*
I cleaned the kitchen and even sorted out a pile of washing. I didn't actually do the washing, but I kind of got a bit further towards it.
I got tired and sleepy and decided to go and read my book for a bit while DS played with his mate from next door with his Lego. Its so cute listening to kids playing. I wish we didn't lose that as we grew up. Its so cool. They were "health ministers and slaves (?) and were saving the world from doooooom!" How that tied into the multi coloured monstrosities they produced and the cars with wings that sped around the "sonic hospital" I don't know. I love kids they are so cool! A complete entertainment system. Sod the telly, just watch your kids! Its wicked!
Reading on the bed whilst DS and play mate play cheerfully in his bedroom would have been a really wholesome and relaxing thing to do, had I not grabbed a handful of sweets on the way up. Oh dear. WHY????? I guess its a case of thinking I have blown it, so blow the whole day!
Well at 6pm DS wanted to see how Daddy was getting on, and we trekked back over to the badminton marathon which is about 10 miles away. We gt there and stayed and watched for a bit. I had already decided we were having either Chinese or Indian as I was in a foul mood with food. But, when I got a shopping list for Tesco to stock up on lucozade and teabags and dextrose tablets and bin liners and other guff, I decided I would go to the Thai restaurant on the way there. It was lovely as I haven't had Thai for ages. Ds and I ordered a mixed starter for 2 and a Thai red king prawn curry with steamed rice for me and a spicy chicken satay type soup for DS.
I ate the following:
1 mini spring roll
1/2 prawn toast
1.5 mini fish cakes
1 tiny sliver of a chicken wing (it was yuk so I left it)
2 small filo pastry coated prawns
2 tablespoons of rice and 5 tiger prawns and curry juice on the rice.
I was impressed. I was also impressed with the bill. Only £30! That included 2 and a half pints of pineapple juice too. I drank my pineapple juice with my meal I had to admit, but I have been sticking to the guidelines with every other meal I have had since coming back from Brugge for the 2nd time. I thought that it might change how much I could eat, but it didn't seem to wash the food through as I thought it would, but I think it actually helped me not to have a PB or choke in the restaurant. So I was pleased.
So today has been a bit of a food disaster... I have no idea how many calories I have had today, but mars bars and the egg sarnie came to 707 cals alone.
A rough idea of the calories as best I can manage is: 1367 without the Thai starters or curry counted at all(but including everything else and the pineapple juice)
So its not good, but there we go.
I'm going to get back on track with a new day.
To think that yesterday I thought it was all wrong again and that it wasn't working.
So brekkie consisted of a third of an egg and half a slice of bread.
So another thing to add to the list... fried egg sarnie.
will update later
*update @ 1am*
I have had a seriously bad day today - food wise that is.
It could have been worse, but can't it always.
Today I had the strange egg/sarnie/choke problem for breakfast and was still choking as we drove to badminton. By the time we got there it was better.
I promised DS a McDonalds after we had dropped Daddy off as a treat, so I got him a happy meal. He ate that on the way home but I had nothing. GO ME! No seriously, I didn't want anything otherwise I damn well would have. I love McDonalds. :o(
We got in and I discovered a packet of Mars bars on the floor of the car. They must have dropped out of the bag when we bought them. DH was taking them into the badminton thingy, but there we go. I looked at the calories. Yes I did. 284. "Hmmm..." thought I. I stuffed one in my fat gob. It slipped down like silk and soothed my poor choked throat and filled my tummy and made me fell GREAT. That would have been ok, but then I had another one. I couldn't stop myself. I just wanted that feeling. The sugar rush or the feeling of food in your mouth, or the feeling when it slips down your throat. I dunno. Just *That Feeling*. Then I spent the next hour feeling miserable and trying to forget I had done it by buying things on eBay. Not good either. Buying stuff also makes me feel guilty. I think I have a bit of an addictive personality. I used to smoke loads, then quit. Then I used to buy things loads until I had a wardrobe full of duplicate clothes in 2 or 3 sizes that I didn't like with the labels on and DH told me I was being crazy and took me to the doctors for Prozac and counseling - it helped. I still have a tendency to buy stuff though, especially shoes it seems or stuff for DS or DH or MAD purchases like a new kitchen when there's nothing wrong with the old one! Its not the price, its the item and the feeling I get when I buy it. I have to stop myself.
So after ramming my face with Mars bars, we got back home and I tidied the house a little bit. Its easier to do stuff (YAY!) and I fed the cats for the first time in months and it didn't feel like I was going to die. I also did our bedroom which is always a pigsty and has forever been a pigsty except for the few weeks Mina was with us when it was immaculate. I doubt that will ever happen again. *sigh*
I cleaned the kitchen and even sorted out a pile of washing. I didn't actually do the washing, but I kind of got a bit further towards it.
I got tired and sleepy and decided to go and read my book for a bit while DS played with his mate from next door with his Lego. Its so cute listening to kids playing. I wish we didn't lose that as we grew up. Its so cool. They were "health ministers and slaves (?) and were saving the world from doooooom!" How that tied into the multi coloured monstrosities they produced and the cars with wings that sped around the "sonic hospital" I don't know. I love kids they are so cool! A complete entertainment system. Sod the telly, just watch your kids! Its wicked!
Reading on the bed whilst DS and play mate play cheerfully in his bedroom would have been a really wholesome and relaxing thing to do, had I not grabbed a handful of sweets on the way up. Oh dear. WHY????? I guess its a case of thinking I have blown it, so blow the whole day!
Well at 6pm DS wanted to see how Daddy was getting on, and we trekked back over to the badminton marathon which is about 10 miles away. We gt there and stayed and watched for a bit. I had already decided we were having either Chinese or Indian as I was in a foul mood with food. But, when I got a shopping list for Tesco to stock up on lucozade and teabags and dextrose tablets and bin liners and other guff, I decided I would go to the Thai restaurant on the way there. It was lovely as I haven't had Thai for ages. Ds and I ordered a mixed starter for 2 and a Thai red king prawn curry with steamed rice for me and a spicy chicken satay type soup for DS.
I ate the following:
1 mini spring roll
1/2 prawn toast
1.5 mini fish cakes
1 tiny sliver of a chicken wing (it was yuk so I left it)
2 small filo pastry coated prawns
2 tablespoons of rice and 5 tiger prawns and curry juice on the rice.
I was impressed. I was also impressed with the bill. Only £30! That included 2 and a half pints of pineapple juice too. I drank my pineapple juice with my meal I had to admit, but I have been sticking to the guidelines with every other meal I have had since coming back from Brugge for the 2nd time. I thought that it might change how much I could eat, but it didn't seem to wash the food through as I thought it would, but I think it actually helped me not to have a PB or choke in the restaurant. So I was pleased.
So today has been a bit of a food disaster... I have no idea how many calories I have had today, but mars bars and the egg sarnie came to 707 cals alone.
A rough idea of the calories as best I can manage is: 1367 without the Thai starters or curry counted at all(but including everything else and the pineapple juice)
So its not good, but there we go.
I'm going to get back on track with a new day.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Just wanted you all to know...
I AM LIVID
I don't know if I can tell you all the details or not, but lets just say its about the compensation claim for my SHAGGED UP BAND.
I received a 'standard letter' as an attachment to an email (!?!? CAN YOU CREDIT IT?!?!?) from the General manager of The Company. The contents were an insult to my intelligence and existence as a human being.
They will wish they hadn't messed with this fat girl.
I don't know if I can tell you all the details or not, but lets just say its about the compensation claim for my SHAGGED UP BAND.
I received a 'standard letter' as an attachment to an email (!?!? CAN YOU CREDIT IT?!?!?) from the General manager of The Company. The contents were an insult to my intelligence and existence as a human being.
They will wish they hadn't messed with this fat girl.
OK, I am a blithering idiot
Geee, why do us mortals stress out so much.
I was feeling so crap I cancelled work (thanks for the message Tina, and yes I do know what you mean about felling better after I have gone, but I just couldn't face it today).
Then I went to bed with a bowl of noodles.
Then I had to get up and go and be sick in the bathroom because they got stuck! Not a bad one this time, but I just didn't chew it properly.
So the band IS working. I know I am a stupid fusser but I am so stressed out and worried that after all the problems I have had something is BOUND to go wrong again. Why? Because of the law of Sod.
But, it would seem that I do still have everything intact, connected, joined or whatever. I guess its just gonna be a little bit like this for me for now. I am scared that it will come apart again to be honest, and I don't know what I would do if I had to go through that again and all that pain.
So today's food has been 1 banana and a bowl of noodles. The choke was really small so I continued with the noodles and chewed properly and slowly ate and everything is fine.
Maybe, shock horror, I have managed to learn how to eat properly with this band and am starting to master the texture the food has to be before you swallow it. If that's the case I am actually quite pleased with myself. I think today's lesson with the noodles proves that.
So I am not feeling quite so rubbish. I have started taking vitamins again as I had not bothered doing that for ages, but I am not really taking much food on board now, so I think I should supplement it some how. I am also finding that I am looking about for food to eat. Fruit is good, but I cant seem to do apples that well. It just takes too damn long to chew them up, and I certainly cant be bothered to peel the things. That's just too much faffing to be doing with.
So I think weetabix are going to become my hole filler. I have decided that I am going to go and see the new fill guy Dr. De Bryune on 15th January whether I need a fill or not. Just simply to get a check up and see if he is going to actually give a fig. I am paranoid that I wont find anyone who gives a damn. I am putting my life in their hands at the end of the day, and I think I have been too trusting simply because they have a D and an R at the beginning of their name. They are human at the end of the day. So I need to know that they are on the ball, interested and going to be interested in ME as a person too.
So crisis avoided. Sleep and noodles works wonders.
Today's food:
Banana
packet of Noodles
Chicken korma and pilau rice (tesco)
total cals = 1150 (most of that was the korma good grief!)
Yesterdays food was quite a lot = 1226 (after taking off cals burnt in exercise)
cheese and pickle sandwich
kitkat (4 fingers)
3 nagiri sushi
1/4 plate Japanese fried noodles
prawn dansak
rice (half carton)
bottle of wine
I think this is a lot considering the amount of food I have eaten recently, but there we go. Looking at it like this it doesn't seem very much actually!! The bottle of wine was the killer. I just needed a drink after travelling to London and back on the train. *shudders* It was good to be with my sister and DS though. Shame we didn't accomplish anything more than sore feet and blisters, the knowledge that DS would rather chew his own arm off than eat sushi and that the Russian consulate is dumb.
I thought it was hysterical to flag down a taxi outside the Russian Consulate and ask them to take us to the nearest sushi bar though!! HA HA HA HA
I was feeling so crap I cancelled work (thanks for the message Tina, and yes I do know what you mean about felling better after I have gone, but I just couldn't face it today).
Then I went to bed with a bowl of noodles.
Then I had to get up and go and be sick in the bathroom because they got stuck! Not a bad one this time, but I just didn't chew it properly.
So the band IS working. I know I am a stupid fusser but I am so stressed out and worried that after all the problems I have had something is BOUND to go wrong again. Why? Because of the law of Sod.
But, it would seem that I do still have everything intact, connected, joined or whatever. I guess its just gonna be a little bit like this for me for now. I am scared that it will come apart again to be honest, and I don't know what I would do if I had to go through that again and all that pain.
So today's food has been 1 banana and a bowl of noodles. The choke was really small so I continued with the noodles and chewed properly and slowly ate and everything is fine.
Maybe, shock horror, I have managed to learn how to eat properly with this band and am starting to master the texture the food has to be before you swallow it. If that's the case I am actually quite pleased with myself. I think today's lesson with the noodles proves that.
So I am not feeling quite so rubbish. I have started taking vitamins again as I had not bothered doing that for ages, but I am not really taking much food on board now, so I think I should supplement it some how. I am also finding that I am looking about for food to eat. Fruit is good, but I cant seem to do apples that well. It just takes too damn long to chew them up, and I certainly cant be bothered to peel the things. That's just too much faffing to be doing with.
So I think weetabix are going to become my hole filler. I have decided that I am going to go and see the new fill guy Dr. De Bryune on 15th January whether I need a fill or not. Just simply to get a check up and see if he is going to actually give a fig. I am paranoid that I wont find anyone who gives a damn. I am putting my life in their hands at the end of the day, and I think I have been too trusting simply because they have a D and an R at the beginning of their name. They are human at the end of the day. So I need to know that they are on the ball, interested and going to be interested in ME as a person too.
So crisis avoided. Sleep and noodles works wonders.
Today's food:
Banana
packet of Noodles
Chicken korma and pilau rice (tesco)
total cals = 1150 (most of that was the korma good grief!)
Yesterdays food was quite a lot = 1226 (after taking off cals burnt in exercise)
cheese and pickle sandwich
kitkat (4 fingers)
3 nagiri sushi
1/4 plate Japanese fried noodles
prawn dansak
rice (half carton)
bottle of wine
I think this is a lot considering the amount of food I have eaten recently, but there we go. Looking at it like this it doesn't seem very much actually!! The bottle of wine was the killer. I just needed a drink after travelling to London and back on the train. *shudders* It was good to be with my sister and DS though. Shame we didn't accomplish anything more than sore feet and blisters, the knowledge that DS would rather chew his own arm off than eat sushi and that the Russian consulate is dumb.
I thought it was hysterical to flag down a taxi outside the Russian Consulate and ask them to take us to the nearest sushi bar though!! HA HA HA HA
Home Fitness Equipment For Every Exercise
Not Sure Which Diet is Best for You?Check Out Our Diet Reviews===========================Home Fitness Equipment For Every ExerciseMany people feel more comfortable in their own homes exercising and thus the need for every kind of home fitness equipment on the market. You have equipment for the stomach, upper body, lower body, and the entire body. Although some of the equipment makes be a little
Getting all gittery about the band
I am in a really bad place at the moment.
I am getting very worried about the band/port etc.
I know I am probably being ridiculous and there is nothing to worry about but I simply can't help it.
Its most probably because of all the problem I have had, but I am terrified that its not going to work anymore.
Whenever I eat a meal I am now waiting to feel if there is restriction - well really I am waiting to see if I feel that hard pressure and warning sign of a choke. I also know that I should NOT eat to that level each time I have a meal as I can stretch the pouch. But by now I am worried I dont have a pouch anymore because of all the problems I have had anyway. GRRRRRRRR
If I don't feel that sign, then I think that it must not be working. I am really getting messed up by it.
The other day (Wednesday) was the last time I felt something a little sticky in the band. It was when I was eating Pea soup and a little bit of bread. It was the bread that stuck a little, but it soon passed and I felt able to continue.
Since then I have had no problems. Now here's the problem:
Should I think that this means its gone wrong and I have no restriction (which obviously is crazy)or should I feel like this and be happy that I am obviously conforming to the 'rules' and chewing well and thereby saving myself from problems.
I am guessing its the latter, but I still feel like there is something wrong.
I read everywhere that puking, choking and p'bing is not usual and should be avoided and it will stop once you get used to the band and the way it behaves for you. So does this mean I have actually learned something? Does it mean I am doing it right?
I don't have pain like I had when it all broke apart, that's for sure. Everything seems like it did when I fist had it done.
I am just finding myself WANTING to choke just to confirm that I am still restricted.
Does anyone else struggle like this? I am really beating myself up for no good reason, but its making me so depressed. I just want to get into bed and stay there and let the world carry on around me and forget I exist.
I know there are lots of things to deal with emotionally when you have a band, and when your food is restricted, but is this whats happening to me? If I knew it would mean I could tell myself that in a few weeks I will be OK.
I just feel completely minging.
I also want some serious advice and I would like everyone who reads this blog to give their opinion by posting a comment PLEASE.
I am about to cancel my piano pupils for the 3rd week running. They are all aware that I had surgery, and they are all sympathetic people as far as I can tell. What I mean is that they aren't people who get stressed out too much if I cancel the odd lesson.
However, would you get annoyed with a teacher who canceled 3 times in a row, or would you just hope she was getting better soon?
Basically I am self employed and fearful that I will lose my pupils (whether its rational or not). I have been teaching some of them for over 4 years, and others only a couple of weeks. I just want the joe public's response and not one that is clouded by what I think they might think...
Your advice would be appreciated.
I am getting very worried about the band/port etc.
I know I am probably being ridiculous and there is nothing to worry about but I simply can't help it.
Its most probably because of all the problem I have had, but I am terrified that its not going to work anymore.
Whenever I eat a meal I am now waiting to feel if there is restriction - well really I am waiting to see if I feel that hard pressure and warning sign of a choke. I also know that I should NOT eat to that level each time I have a meal as I can stretch the pouch. But by now I am worried I dont have a pouch anymore because of all the problems I have had anyway. GRRRRRRRR
If I don't feel that sign, then I think that it must not be working. I am really getting messed up by it.
The other day (Wednesday) was the last time I felt something a little sticky in the band. It was when I was eating Pea soup and a little bit of bread. It was the bread that stuck a little, but it soon passed and I felt able to continue.
Since then I have had no problems. Now here's the problem:
Should I think that this means its gone wrong and I have no restriction (which obviously is crazy)or should I feel like this and be happy that I am obviously conforming to the 'rules' and chewing well and thereby saving myself from problems.
I am guessing its the latter, but I still feel like there is something wrong.
I read everywhere that puking, choking and p'bing is not usual and should be avoided and it will stop once you get used to the band and the way it behaves for you. So does this mean I have actually learned something? Does it mean I am doing it right?
I don't have pain like I had when it all broke apart, that's for sure. Everything seems like it did when I fist had it done.
I am just finding myself WANTING to choke just to confirm that I am still restricted.
Does anyone else struggle like this? I am really beating myself up for no good reason, but its making me so depressed. I just want to get into bed and stay there and let the world carry on around me and forget I exist.
I know there are lots of things to deal with emotionally when you have a band, and when your food is restricted, but is this whats happening to me? If I knew it would mean I could tell myself that in a few weeks I will be OK.
I just feel completely minging.
I also want some serious advice and I would like everyone who reads this blog to give their opinion by posting a comment PLEASE.
I am about to cancel my piano pupils for the 3rd week running. They are all aware that I had surgery, and they are all sympathetic people as far as I can tell. What I mean is that they aren't people who get stressed out too much if I cancel the odd lesson.
However, would you get annoyed with a teacher who canceled 3 times in a row, or would you just hope she was getting better soon?
Basically I am self employed and fearful that I will lose my pupils (whether its rational or not). I have been teaching some of them for over 4 years, and others only a couple of weeks. I just want the joe public's response and not one that is clouded by what I think they might think...
Your advice would be appreciated.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)