Getting all gittery about the band

I am in a really bad place at the moment.
I am getting very worried about the band/port etc.
I know I am probably being ridiculous and there is nothing to worry about but I simply can't help it.

Its most probably because of all the problem I have had, but I am terrified that its not going to work anymore.

Whenever I eat a meal I am now waiting to feel if there is restriction - well really I am waiting to see if I feel that hard pressure and warning sign of a choke. I also know that I should NOT eat to that level each time I have a meal as I can stretch the pouch. But by now I am worried I dont have a pouch anymore because of all the problems I have had anyway. GRRRRRRRR

If I don't feel that sign, then I think that it must not be working. I am really getting messed up by it.

The other day (Wednesday) was the last time I felt something a little sticky in the band. It was when I was eating Pea soup and a little bit of bread. It was the bread that stuck a little, but it soon passed and I felt able to continue.

Since then I have had no problems. Now here's the problem:
Should I think that this means its gone wrong and I have no restriction (which obviously is crazy)or should I feel like this and be happy that I am obviously conforming to the 'rules' and chewing well and thereby saving myself from problems.

I am guessing its the latter, but I still feel like there is something wrong.

I read everywhere that puking, choking and p'bing is not usual and should be avoided and it will stop once you get used to the band and the way it behaves for you. So does this mean I have actually learned something? Does it mean I am doing it right?

I don't have pain like I had when it all broke apart, that's for sure. Everything seems like it did when I fist had it done.

I am just finding myself WANTING to choke just to confirm that I am still restricted.

Does anyone else struggle like this? I am really beating myself up for no good reason, but its making me so depressed. I just want to get into bed and stay there and let the world carry on around me and forget I exist.

I know there are lots of things to deal with emotionally when you have a band, and when your food is restricted, but is this whats happening to me? If I knew it would mean I could tell myself that in a few weeks I will be OK.

I just feel completely minging.

I also want some serious advice and I would like everyone who reads this blog to give their opinion by posting a comment PLEASE.

I am about to cancel my piano pupils for the 3rd week running. They are all aware that I had surgery, and they are all sympathetic people as far as I can tell. What I mean is that they aren't people who get stressed out too much if I cancel the odd lesson.

However, would you get annoyed with a teacher who canceled 3 times in a row, or would you just hope she was getting better soon?
Basically I am self employed and fearful that I will lose my pupils (whether its rational or not). I have been teaching some of them for over 4 years, and others only a couple of weeks. I just want the joe public's response and not one that is clouded by what I think they might think...

Your advice would be appreciated.