Buck up Buttercup

I'm starting to get over the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know I'll get through this thing at work. At least I have some time to figure it out. It's not like I'm suddenly out of work. I really do love the company I work for and the thought of leaving it hurts my heart. Leaving is just one option, there are others. I just have to figure it out. It's at the very top of my list of things I'm worried about. Like I needed another one.

My husband and I talked about it today. He kept telling me it would be okay, that we'd figure it out (I think he meant "I'd" figure it out, but he said "we" out of kindness). Even though I know that's true, it will be okay, it's hard to believe it at the moment.

I made it to the gym today, after I made a new playlist on my iPod. It wasn't my best workout, but focusing on how fast I could go on the StairMaster really helped, at least for the thirty minutes I was on it.

I didn't do weights because all three weight rooms were packed with men. Usually I don't mind that much, and usually it's not that busy. It was 6pm and I couldn't understand why all those young men weren't out on dates on a Saturday night. Anyway, today I just didn't feel like lifting weights surrounded by men. I always wonder why there aren't more women at the gym on Saturday nights.

New music really helps with my workouts and my mood. The top five songs are new as of today, then down to 22 were on my May playlist, and the last eight, well, they're from my top 25 most played on my iPod (and yes, Poker Face, Hot Mess and Fake It are there). Fake it. I guess that's what I need to do for now.

June 2011 playlist:

I know it's probably not what most almost 56-year old women listen to, but this music really helps me keep up the intensity of my workouts.

Now if only I can sleep tonight. It's past midnight, and I'm wide awake. For the past week when I do actually fall asleep I've been plagued by nightmares. Last night I was killing animals. I smashed a baby turtle's back and decapitated him (I was crying in my dream), and then I tried to killed an old raccoon with a brick. If you know me at all, I love animals. I would never, ever harm an animal. I'm the one that stops my car on the street for a squirrel to cross, backing up traffic. The dreams are vivid and horrible and feel very real. After the baby turtle dream I woke up crying. It was just a dreadful dream, one I can't get out of my head.

I guess I have to try to sleep. I wish I could just turn off my brain.

Food Reward: a Dominant Factor in Obesity, Part VI

Reward Centers can Modify the Body Fat Setpoint

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter (chemical that signals between neurons) that is a central mediator of reward and motivation in the brain.  It has been known for decades that dopamine injections into the brain suppress food intake, and that this is due primarily to its action in the hypothalamus, which is the main region that regulates body fatness (1).  Dopamine-producing neurons from reward centers contact neurons in the hypothalamus that regulate body fatness (2).  I recently came across a paper by a researcher named Dr. Hanno Pijl, from Leiden University in the Netherlands (3).  The paper is a nice overview of the evidence linking dopamine signaling with body fatness via its effects on the hypothalamus, and I recommend it to any scientists out there who want to read more about the concept.
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Struggling with life / 189.2

This continues to be my theme for the last several months. Today is no different.

Yesterday something really awful happened at work. It has to do with me and my future with my company. I'm not fired or anything like that, but my current position will be phased out in about two years. This means I absolutely must make some major decisions about my future. A different career path with the same company (almost 28 years here) or perhaps a different company. I'm almost 56 years old and this is very scary.

I've known this was coming for about a year and even though I knew it, I tried not to think about it. Yesterday I decided to have a heart to heart about it with my manager and talk through what we'd briefing touched on in a meeting about a year ago. It did not go well.

I left work early and cried all the way home. I still have a lump in my throat and continue to feel I'm right on the edge of crying. She only stated the truth, so I don't fault her. It's something I have to figure out. I have options at work, but I don't like any of them.

My sweet husband called me as I was on my drive home. I was stuck in horrible Friday traffic. When he called, I'd been crying, and then burst into tears again. He was very sweet and tried to comfort me, telling me it would all work out. I appreciated it, but this is really my problem, and it's a huge one. I have to figure it out.

He came home with flowers and Chinese takeout for dinner. I haven't eaten Chinese food in over three years. It wasn't delicious and even though I ate some of it (beef and broccoli and some chow mein noodles, two steamed pork stickers) it was like I couldn't taste it. I followed it up with two sugar-free Klondike bars. Again, the food was just tasteless.

The only positive side effect of me being extremely stressed out and worried is that I don't want to eat. If it's just a little annoyance or general sadness, I want to eat. If I'm happy, I want to eat. If it's a horrific, life-changing event (and this feels like one to me), then I don't want to eat at all. I just feel like I want to curl up and die.

It's almost 2pm here and it's 56 degrees with dark skies. It rained all night and looks like it's going to start again any minute. This weather perfectly fits my mood.

It's almost like I have analysis paralysis. This situation seems so overwhelming that I can't seem to take the steps to figure it out. Number one of course, is to update my resume. Number two is figure out what the hell I want to be when I grow up.

I have to get really serious about losing weight. The thought of looking for a job at my current weight of 189 is horrifying. At least I don't have to start looking today, but I need to start working on a plan now, not two years from now.

I'm going to the gym now. I'm sure that will help. First I need to download some new tunes on my iPod.

I'll be okay.

Carrot and Orzo Salad with Fresh Dill

(makes 8 servings)

Ingredients:

• 3 pounds carrots, peeled and sliced diagonally into 2” pieces
  
  


• 1 pound orzo pasta
  
  


• ½ cup loosely pack fresh dill, chopped
  
  


• 5 large garlic cloves, unpeeled
  
  


• ¼ cup olive oil, divided
  
  


• 4 scallions, white and light green parts only, chopped
  
  


• Juice of 2 lemons
  
  


• Zest from the 2 lemons
  
  


• Salt and pepper, to taste
  
  

Preparation:

• Preheat oven to 450 degrees F.
  
  


• Toss carrots and garlic cloves with 2 tbsp of the olive oil in a small-sized bowl. Spread on a rimmed baking sheet and bake until carrots are browned and tender (about 15-20 minutes). Remove from oven and let cool for about 10-15 minutes.
  
  


• In a small-sized bowl, squeeze out pulp from garlic cloves and discard skins. Mash pulp with the back side of a spoon until it resembles a paste.
  
  


• Cook orzo according to package instructions. Drain in a colander (do not rinse) then remove to a large-sized bowl. Toss with remaining olive oil then add carrots.
  
  


• Combine lemon juice, zest, scallions and garlic paste in a small bowl. Mix in dill then pour over orzo mixture and toss until combined. Season with salt and pepper.
  
  

Make 8 Servings:

Weight Loss Recipes Amount Per Serving(⅛ of recipe (256 g)): 221 Calories, 5 g Protein, 36 g carbohydrates, 6 g Dietary Fiber, 7 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 0 mg cholesterol, 62 mg sodium

Spinach Salad with Warm Beet Dressing

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 12 oz. spinach, thoroughly washed, stems removed
  
  


• 8 oz. fresh beets
  
  


• 1 red onion, thinly sliced
  
  


• 2 slices whole wheat bread, cut into small cubes
  
  


• 2 tbsp olive oil
  
  


• 1 small shallot, finely chopped
  
  


• 1 tbsp honey mustard
  
  


• ¼ cup red wine vinegar
  
  


• ¼ tsp freshly ground pepper
  
  


• 4 oz. button mushrooms, wiped clean, stems trimmed
  
  and sliced
  
  


• 2 tbsp sugar
  
  


• ½ tsp salt
  
  

Preparation:

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
  
  


• In a medium-size bowl, fill water and ice then add onions. Let stand for about 30 minutes, drain and set aside.
  
  


• Place bread cubes on a baking sheet and toast in oven until golden brown (about 10-15 minutes), tossing occasionally, then set the croutons aside.
  
  


• In a small-size saucepan, toss beets in a small saucepan and filled with water. Bring to a boil and cook until tender (about 30 minutes). Drain and let cool until easy to handle. Peel the beets and cut into ½” cubes, then set aside.
  
  


• In a small-size saucepan, heat 1 tbsp olive oil over medium heat. Add the honey mustard, sugar, vinegar, salt and pepper and stir constantly for about 1 minute or until sugar is dissolved. Add remaining olive oil then reduce heat to low. Add beet cubes and toss to coat.
  
  


• Arrange spinach leaves, onions and mushrooms on plates. Drizzle with the beet dressing and garnish with croutons.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight Loss Recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (234 g)): 161 Calories, 6 g Protein, 19 g carbohydrates, 6 g Dietary Fiber, 8 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 0 mg cholesterol, 511 mg sodium

Cooking With Kaye: Taste Sensations

This week in Cooking with Kaye we talked about the role of grains in the weight loss surgery diet and the new USDA Food Plate. This feature article discusses the importance of addressing the five taste sensations with each meal to avoid post-meal cravings.

A Healthy Plate: Include the Five Sensations of Taste
by Kaye Bailey

At right is a dinner I prepared for our family last week modeled

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