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Just a quickie... THANK YOU TINA for your wonderful comment. I am really glad its helped you make up your mind, and I'll keep blogging don't worry! I hope to read yours one day too!

Anyway, a quick update from yesterday...

I am so strange. I had a binge. It got to 11pm when DH and DS got home from fishing and we put him to bed exhausted. He caught a massive tench, which was great. 4lb! For a little boy that's a whopper!

Anyway, I sat down to watch Big Brother which I ADORE and I thought "I am going to have something to nibble". I should have grabbed a slim fast shake from the fridge... but this is me.

I decided to get some heart and soul warming olive oil and pitta and a glass of red. I coerced my mind into believing that this is kind of the last supper before I go for it on slim fast.

What am I... a flaming SQUIRREL??? Its not as if I am going into hibernation! Anyway, it would all have been totally cool had I just had one pitta, one glass of wine and one helping of Olive oil.

But this is 'last supper' mode talking. I am cringing as I write this and tell you all, but I took the bottle of wine in, the bottle of olive oil in , the bottle of balsamic in, the PACKET of pitta's in and the salt and pepper.

DH sat there on the sofa and said nothing. I wish he had. I would have been really angry at him for saying something, because its like someone catching you out. In fact its like the real physical incarnation of the other voice in your head which says "Mmm... do you really think you should be doing this?". I am always real quick to stamp up and down on that little voice of reason when it comes to food, so poor DH would have been stamped on too.... even though I know in the deepest part of my heart that I did not need all that stuff.

Oh God. I feel sick thinking about it.

I watched Big Bro, and by the time it was finished I had eaten 3 pitta's soaked in Oil and balsamic and 3/4 bottle of red.

I am ashamed of myself.

But still in the back of my mind the voices (jeeezz! maybe I am going mad!! HA HA) say "well you obviously need a fill as you ate all that..." and make me start to try and justify it all.

I want to know if normal people think like this, and if their little voice of reason is a tiny, shrew like slip of a voice who looks like it is dying and is battered and bruised; Or if their voice of reason is a burly bouncer guy who just throws the tempting voice from the club!

But maybe, in normal people they are equal. Just like average Jo and average Jane. Maybe they have little debates with each other rather than getting physical.

Maybe fatties like me have 'shrew girl voice of reason' and the 'incredible hulk tempter', and people who are too skinny have 'Bouncer guy voice of reason'. Normal people probably have Joe and Jane.

Good grief I sound like a basket case... Its just the only way I can sort this through.

I'm off to check myself into the local nut house.