Feeling a much better

Hi all....

I am feeling a lot better.

I think I needed to get a few things off my chest lately and last night DH and me went to bed early and had a massive chat and cuddle and I vented my spleen big style. He is always there for me and I love him to bits. He listens to me shout and rant about this and that and calms me down and makes me see that its not me, it really is unfair and that it doesn't matter about anyone else because he loves me and we have each other.

He is so definitely my better half.

Anyway, we had the most smashing evening lying there chatting and stuff and I went to sleep feeling completely clear in heart, soul mind and body.

I had a nice sleep, even though I was still wide awake at 3am and woke maybe 5 times during the night... Funny that sometimes you don't need a long deep sleep to satisfy you. It felt nice to keep waking gently and see him there sleeping and I felt safe and secure in everything. then I would turn over again and doze off and then repeat the whole thing a few more times until I woke completely feeling young and vibrant before the alarm and bounced out of bed.

Funnily enough, I really do think my weight gain has been totally down to *star* week and fluid retention because this morning, as I jumped on the scales with optimism they gleamed back at me with 16stone 4. That's half a pound less than my lowest ever... so I think what ever I was holding on to is now gone. That means that I should have a nice result when I go for my weigh in next Monday which will be the last one before the holiday. It will be nice to be under that 16 stone zone, but I know I have to chill out.

Helen left me a great comment on my blog. I asked her to tell me what kind of things she ate and how she was feeling etc...

One thing that stood out to me in what she said was:

"one thing you really need to keep in mind is that your pouch only holds 8 ounces maximum...and if you keep stretching it out, you'll have to have another surgery."

Now I have never been told this... but it seems that every bandit is given differing advice; There doesn't seem to be anything that is set in stone for definite.

So if this is what Helen has been told, and I am pretty sure that I have heard in other places a similar account, I have not been consuming too much food.

When I eat, I don't eat more than 8oz.

Yesterday when I had two bowls of cereal we (travelling buddy and I) were sitting there lamenting my lack of weight loss and I said "How come I have been able to eat that much?" and she said "Well maybe when its all chewed up and mashed together it is less than you think...?"

I gave this some consideration after Helen's comment.

Now, for any of you who still don't think I am crazy, this will most likely confirm your suspicions..... I know its a waste, but I had to do it...

Here are the two bowls of cereal

Here are the two bowls of cereal in my little blender...

Here are the two bowls of cereal blended roughly (i.e. chewed) in a measure....

For the benefit of those who can't see.... this has made just over half a pint of mush. There are still quite a few large chunks of stuff in there, but basically it has the same consistency as cereal chewed and spat out.

this is therefore 10 ounces of food. Now, this was the first time I had ever eaten 2 bowls of cereal straight off the bat like that.... So that tells me that a big bowl of cereal, even If I over filled the bowl would not be more than 8 oz.

This has made me happy. My meals are less that 8 oz too. Definitely.

So why am I not losing weight as fast as say... Helen? I dunno. But looking at what she eats, she doesn't eat very much at all (see her comment on yesterdays post) so I think probably she has a different and tighter band than me. I have read her blog often enough to see the difference in her pb'ing and eating patterns and there is a vast difference between hers and mine.

So she has enough restriction, and I have restriction..... just not quite enough....yet!!!!

this is where these blogs and chat sites really help. Dr. Clayson could not allay my fears. Helen could. It could have been anyone but they have to know what you are going through.

***A big THANK YOU to Helen!!! ***

I am losing weight. I have to look at the bigger picture. I am so bad at not doing that.

I am 20 pounds lighter than I was 3 months ago. That's great!

So even if I lost half a pound a week, its still the right way.

I WILL get to my target and Helen will get to hers.

Erika and I seem to be following much more similar routes... I have to keep in mind that we are ALL different.

I feel much more positive.

Thanks for bearing with me and I am sorry if I have been horrid and petulant.

Love you all!

BLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Hate self

Feel crud

Am stressed beyond control.

Put on 1 and a half pounds this week.

And yes I KNOW it is *star* week... but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I am able to eat too much.

What banded patient with 5mls in their band can eat 2 Massive bowls of cereal and not even feel full....??? Hmmmm?? That's right. There isn't one. What about a big curry and rice and then later on second helpings. What about a whole meal and then pudding?
Jeeez I need some help man!

I tried in vain all day to make an appointment for a fill with various companies, and basically not a lot will do it.

A place in Winchester will do it for £260 (Gulp!) but not until 9th June.

Rubbish

Another company will do it if I buy their aftercare package. £1450.00 (GULP GULP GULP!)

Another place will do it if I pay £270 for the fill and £250 for the surgeon consult.

GRRRRRRRRRR

So basically I am stuck with it and wait until I get back from Sri lanka where I shall eat my way around the Island and come back as a bloated crispy fried English woman. I am SO worried about this. I have self control but for Gods sake, I wouldn't have had the band if I had been able to control myself that well would I?????? I have no idea why Dr. Clayson wont fill me before 6 weeks are up. Even Cisca at www.obesitycare.co.uk which is the company I had my band done through said its usually about 2 - 3 weeks between fills. Even Dillemans said that to me himself!!! I thought this guy worked in close connection with these people. The bloke Dr Dovey in Barnes will fill you up when ever you cross his hand with silver too. I mean we are paying for this! I need restriction or I will have to slash my wrists!!

I did talk to Dr. Clayson and he tried hard to reassure me. I wish he would get another secretary as his one is a bolshy cow to the Nth degree. She has a serious superiority complex.
Anyway, Dr. C told me that a lot of people go through this. Its normal.. don't worry, relax bla bla bla but for GODS SAKE. I am paying him £75 to fill me so I lose weigh, but I don't!!!! I am not made of flaming money. All I feel is its £75 wasted... I mean I don't know this guy do I really. He could be just jabbing a needle in me and making some kind of sick psychological test and in 2 years turn round and say "oh yeah, you know you have had 10 fills from me... actually you lost weight with the power of your mind" or some crap like that.

Am I insane???? Does anyone else doubt their doctors like this?? I pay £75 I want results NOW baby. Not in 6 months time.

How do I know that hes not milking it and that actually you can shove 10 ml straight in there and crack on, but that would only cost £75 rather than the £ 375 they can bleed you with if they spoon feed you the fill 1ml at a time bull shit.

Sorry I am just mad.

Anyway,
Hateful day,
Hate everyone and his dog.

Going to boil head

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGH!

Eat Chick Peas for Weight Loss

Chick peas, also known as garbanzo beans, are together with the whole legume family, one of the best foods you can eat for weight loss.

One cup of garbanzo beans will provide you with 50% of the fiber amount recommended for daily consumption. The high fiber prevents blood sugar levels from rising too rapidly after a meal, this being especially good for anyone with diabetes, insulin resistance or hypoglycemia.

Garbanzo beans are an excellent source of the trace mineral molybdenum which helps detoxify sulfites. Sulfites are a preservative that is often added to prepared foods such as deli salads and salad bars.

The insoluble fiber found in garbanzo beans helps to make your stools bigger and to prevent constipation, irritable bowel syndrome and diverticulosis.

A cup of garbanzo beans has amazing nutritional benefits. Of the daily recommended values of key nutrients, it provides 70% of folate, 50% of fiber, 29% of protein, 26% of iron, 84% of magnamese and 164% of molybdenum. All for 269 calories.

See the excellent overview of chick pea health benefits here.

See the recipe for the Garbanzo bean salad above here.

Rainy on the outside, Rainy on the inside

Awful day.

I am menstrual for one thing ( hence the last couple of nasty posts - here's another one!)

Father in law and his bird called around.

They drove an hour to come to the garden centre up the road from us. Yes. Seemingly there cannot be any garden centres within an hours drive in any direction from their house.

I don't know why they don't say "Oh, will you be in today? Yes? Oh great. We shall pop around and see you then". There always has to be a premise.

However, it rained ALL DAY long.

(my keyboard is annoying me as its not picking up a lot of letters when I type fast, and I am having to go back a hundred times and correct it all! GRRR)

So we sat in the front room drinking tea.

DS had his pot of holiday cash on the table and was innocently playing with it... counting the Tens and the Twenties and saying.. "wow I have loads for my holiday" and showing grandad the card he got from a Friend of mine that had £5 in for his holiday.

DS was totally innocent about it, and was simply excited. He would have been counting it, sniffing it, dreaming of the things he was going to spend it on, whether grandad was there or not... but I had a pointed look in DH's direction and vice versa.

Nope. Grandad kept his money in his wallet.

He even asked DS to change some money for him! Yes!!!! Can you believe it. He wanted change for a £20 and asked if DS would could do that. I expected him to say... "no keep it honey". Yeah right. What a cheap skate.

Your only grandson, and you never give him the drippings of your nose. I hope you read this you tight fisted git.

Never gets any pressies from you does he. Xmas, Brithday... Whats the matter with you?

Actually that's kind of wrong. He was given a book on dinosaurs today... DS was very into dinosaurs... when he was 3!!!!!!!!! But I am sure he will like another book about dinosaurs to add to the 600 he already has and doesn't read which we have already told you about before when you have bought him dino stuff.

This probably sounds really rotten and ungrateful, but trust me its not.

This guy travels the world - Egypt, Thailand, Saudi, Trinidad, Canada you name it. He went on holiday and came home and said to DS on the phone "I've got you something when I see you next" and Ds got all excited... wondering whati t was.... It was the toothpaste and socks you get on a long flight.

I was dumb struck as he had made such a big deal of it... and poor kid was really like "Do I laugh... or what? Is it a joke? Is this it? or..." Not in a spoilt brat way, just in an incredulous "What is going on" naive kind of way.

They make every meeting feel dark surreal and pregnant... you never quite know what will kick off and his Dad's sense of humour is so shite that you can NEVER tell if he is serious or not, oh, and he thinks himself incredibly funny at all times and always gives those smart little answers and then titters whilst holding his little fingernail in the corner of his mouth like 'Mini Me'.

You end up either looking away in horror or laughing at them in revulsion.

DH asked them what they thought of the front room now its all decorated and The Girlfriend said "Yeah, its alright init." and Tight Wad just grunted and snorked liked hes clearing his nasal cavities. Neither of them know how to behave I swear it. You don't sit there is someones house and look down your nose at their hard work.

Damn straight we have to big their new stuff up all the time and listen to all the problems that always happen with them and how much everything costs... but they can't even be civil.

How can you not praise your own Son and his efforts? How can you be such an ass?I always tell DH not to ask them. but he wants praise from his father and can't not ask. They were here about 2 hours and neither of them had said a word. My Mum and Dad walked in and the first thing out of their lips was "WOW!" Now, I don't care if my Mum and Dad liked it or not, but at least they made us feel nice about our efforts. I also don't care if Tight Wad and Girlfriend like it or not either... but at least flaming well pretend!

So tight wad went home with his equally appalling cow of a girlfriend.

Then we were so shell shocked and worn out from the sheer trauma of talking to them for 3 hours and the physical strength it needs to keep your tongue under control that DH and I went for a lie down for an hour.

Then I took DS to skating and the day got brighter.

I had a banana for brekkie today, spaghetti on toast for lunch and quiche and veggies for tea.

I feel like I have restriction, but not quite enough. I kind of feel full, but not in a satisfying way... I think one more fill and I will be there... but something is definitely going on in there. I cant eat without thinking about it, so there is restriction... just I don't think quite enough just yet.

Anyway, weigh in tomorrow.... oooh dear. I will be really upset if I don't lose this week. I have been good. The painters are in this week though, so that's not a good thing for me and the scales... I will let you know what happens.

And here are the Babies... les Gary. Click on it to see it full size and the red bits are their names..

Post Eurovision chill down

I apologise for a particularly long and bitchy post.

Its all about eurovision... so you don't have to bother reading it if you don't wanna.

Well. That was the most crap eurovision I have ever watched. I thought the presenters were shocking and the humour in the little Finnish interludes between the entries were disturbingly tragic and childish for such a lovely nation.

I have also never witnessed so much shameless political voting in my life. Yes, I know it always happens, but I watch this every year ok. Seriously... I print the score card and everything. I actually love the show - well used to love it.

I am appalled that Serbia won. It was a miserable song with strange dancing and touchy strokey girls prancing about in imperial German wear or some utter rubbish. The singer her/himself looked like a cross between Penfold from Dangermouse and Jimmy Cranky and it was outstanding simply because it was bad.

The trouble is you have 13 or 14 former eastern block/commie states including their mother ship nation Russia all voting for each other. The rest don't stand a chance to be fair.

I must admit there were some pretty random votes from the western countries to countries i SERIOUSLY doubt anyone watching phoned in a voted for. I mean COME OFF IT! There should be some way where we can view the call breakdown because I think its boll***s to be honest.

I have just been looking at a website (www.songcontestvoting.com/eurovision) that gave the predictions based on who 'fans' thought was going to win.


Here is the line up:
1st. Serbia
2nd. Turkey
3rd. Greece
4th. Georgia
5th. Ukraine

Check out my predictions based solely from watching the show and marking dance/outfit/performance/song:
1st. Russia 12pts
2nd. Sweden 10pts
3rd. Hungary 8pts
4th. Greece 7pts
5th. Latvia 6pts
6th. Slovenia 5pts
7th. Finland 4pts
8th. Spain 3pts
9th. Belarus 2pts
10th. Moldova 1pt

Heres the actual 'winners'

1st Serbia (WTF???)
2nd Ukraine
3rd Russia
4th Turkey
5th Bulgaria


Now take a look at the what the site says about how they got their predictions:

"They could only vote once and, where possible, were prevented from voting for their own country. Results were converted to Eurovision scores (1-12). If eligible countries didn't vote in the poll then we tried to fill in the gaps using data from our main survey on which countries they were 'most likely' to vote for.



So as you can see its all a load of Boll**ks. Serbia's song, Molitva, was apparently a heartfelt plea to an estranged lover with religious overtones. The obviously religious Serifovic said she would celebrate her victory with 'litres' of white wine. A nice Christian thing to do... go and get wrecked. "I can't lie to God as I kneel down and pray. You're the love of my life," cried Serifovic as five bouffant backing singers touched her back in support.
The dancing was like a slow-motion lesbian porn film.

Unfortunately the singer Jimmycranky/Penfold aka Marija Serifovic has an unusual resemblance to a particularly horrid Slovakian by the name of Ivana which made the whole thing even more unpleasant for me.

Here is a picture of Ivana drawn by my sister sophi and then a pic of Maria...




Hmmm I forget which one is which now. Maybe they are cousins or something.

The man about to be dunked is Ivana's boyfriend. Poor poor thing.




Anyway, here is a GENUINE result from this houses jury...

This was my rough draft of the score card...
I shall not be watching another eurovision.
And finally, a quote from http://www.clickpress.com/releases/Detailed/34098005cp.shtml

"Furthermore most fans either don’t think ‘neighbourly’ voting exists or that it’s just a bit of fun. Only 28% of UK respondents (and 24% overall) thought suspect voting patterns were reducing the contest to a farce."

SHUT UP!! Serbia was awarded the competition's maximum score by five of its eight neighbours.

These are obviously NOT fans because eurovision is now BLATANT and SHAMELESS neighbourly political voting and IS a complete farce.

I am sad to say this was my last Eurovision. Its too difficult for me to watch it anymore because it simply isn't a true reflection of the song/act/dance/outfit quality any more.

In fact maybe they should just get around a table and vote for which country they like best, o want to trade with/exploit and save the general public from the excitement of thinking there really is a contest in the first place.

...and yes, I am now off to enjoy the rest of my life.

YAY EUROVISION TONIGHT

Oh yeah. The event of the year (so far!)

Its Eurovision tonight!!

I love that show. Because I have sky plus I record it and watch it about 45 minutes after the start... that way *wicked cackle* I can fast forward all the junk and that stupid Irish idiot trying to crack jokes all the time. WAKE UP FOOL. You are the joke!

I don't know why he slags off every entry... if he doesn't like the job.. resign!! I would do it in a blink!!

I know its tongue in cheek, but there IS a limit.

So, I am off to work now. I have 4 pupils this morning, scattered across the shire. One of them is a new pupil who got mucked around by her last teacher.. so we shall see. Normally there is a reason why teachers muck their pupils about.... normally to get rid of them! Hope this isn't the case and it really is that she was just a doddery old lady who was getting senile.

Back soon peeps.

Oh, and I am not hungry this morning. At all. Go figure.

The Alli Diet Pill Marketing Blitz

You'll be hearing all about Alli everywhere soon. This diet pill is going to be advertised heavily this year. Over 150 million dollars will be spent in just one year to promote this drug. That would buy quite a few celebrity endorsements. It's the first diet pill drug to be approved for sale over the counter, without needing a prescription.

See the New York Times article about the Alli advertising promotion by GlaxoSmithKline.

Alli works by preventing the body from absorbing some of the fat one eats. This could have some very uncomfortable side effects if one eats too many fats.