BLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Hate self

Feel crud

Am stressed beyond control.

Put on 1 and a half pounds this week.

And yes I KNOW it is *star* week... but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I am able to eat too much.

What banded patient with 5mls in their band can eat 2 Massive bowls of cereal and not even feel full....??? Hmmmm?? That's right. There isn't one. What about a big curry and rice and then later on second helpings. What about a whole meal and then pudding?
Jeeez I need some help man!

I tried in vain all day to make an appointment for a fill with various companies, and basically not a lot will do it.

A place in Winchester will do it for £260 (Gulp!) but not until 9th June.

Rubbish

Another company will do it if I buy their aftercare package. £1450.00 (GULP GULP GULP!)

Another place will do it if I pay £270 for the fill and £250 for the surgeon consult.

GRRRRRRRRRR

So basically I am stuck with it and wait until I get back from Sri lanka where I shall eat my way around the Island and come back as a bloated crispy fried English woman. I am SO worried about this. I have self control but for Gods sake, I wouldn't have had the band if I had been able to control myself that well would I?????? I have no idea why Dr. Clayson wont fill me before 6 weeks are up. Even Cisca at www.obesitycare.co.uk which is the company I had my band done through said its usually about 2 - 3 weeks between fills. Even Dillemans said that to me himself!!! I thought this guy worked in close connection with these people. The bloke Dr Dovey in Barnes will fill you up when ever you cross his hand with silver too. I mean we are paying for this! I need restriction or I will have to slash my wrists!!

I did talk to Dr. Clayson and he tried hard to reassure me. I wish he would get another secretary as his one is a bolshy cow to the Nth degree. She has a serious superiority complex.
Anyway, Dr. C told me that a lot of people go through this. Its normal.. don't worry, relax bla bla bla but for GODS SAKE. I am paying him £75 to fill me so I lose weigh, but I don't!!!! I am not made of flaming money. All I feel is its £75 wasted... I mean I don't know this guy do I really. He could be just jabbing a needle in me and making some kind of sick psychological test and in 2 years turn round and say "oh yeah, you know you have had 10 fills from me... actually you lost weight with the power of your mind" or some crap like that.

Am I insane???? Does anyone else doubt their doctors like this?? I pay £75 I want results NOW baby. Not in 6 months time.

How do I know that hes not milking it and that actually you can shove 10 ml straight in there and crack on, but that would only cost £75 rather than the £ 375 they can bleed you with if they spoon feed you the fill 1ml at a time bull shit.

Sorry I am just mad.

Anyway,
Hateful day,
Hate everyone and his dog.

Going to boil head

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGH!