Can't be bothered to keep counting

I have decided that I am not going to bother with the whole "x weeks + x days " thing any more.
Its boring me.

I remember when I had DS - "He's 3 days old!"

"Oh, yes he's 6 weeks now"

"Oh yeah, hes 4 months now."

"Yes he is a big boy. Hes nearly 2 now you know!"

etc

etc

As kids grow up we dont say "Oh yes hes 4356 days old today!" do we?

So I am going to be 2 months banded next Wednesday, so I think I am just going to keep track like that from now on. I have progressed as it were. It also means that I will have to give a more enlightening title to my daily piece... and maybe more people might read it. Who knows?

Today has been bleeeeugh

I didn't actually get up until 2:30pm. DS had been doing whatever all day and I felt terrible when he came up and said "Mummy, can I please have some lunch" What a terrible mother. So I got up and we had no bread, so I made us a hot dinner. I felt so tired though. Doing the garden has really taken it out of me. I have absolutely no energy.

DH came home at about 4:00pm and I went back to bed I must admit. I wanted to go to the meeting this evening, so I wanted to feel at least a little better. He let me sleep till 6:30pm and then woke me. I still felt awful, but actually maybe too much sleep makes you feel worse...? I dunno.

I went to the meeting with DS at 7:00pm. I felt grim all through the first half, but the second half I perked up and I was not feeling too bad at all by the end.

I am feeling tired now, although how that is possible, seeing as I've had 18 hours sleep in the last 24, is beyond me.

Today's food has been diabolical. I am really not in the zone at all. I am pining for my old comfort eating. I feel sad about something, I am not sure what, and I just want to resort to type, but I can't. Today I have had a quorn and sweet potato curry, a mini ice cream and 5 ginger biscuits.
Somebody help me. I feel so depressed about eating that. My guilt is driving me insane.

I feel so low, and sluggish. I think I need to get out of the house a bit more and do some exercise, but its a vicious cycle. I just don't feel like it, but I know if I do do it, I will feel better.

I am not sure If I told you that we are having our bathroom tiling finished off... Well the floor tiles are TOTALLY wrong. I hate them. The company that made my beautiful tiles on my walls have gone bust and I could not get the Planets range in Jupiter any more. I could only get Planets in Mercury. Jupiter is a lovely blend of 1 and a half inch mosaic tiles on a sheet with about 5 different colours... all are anti-slip and matt. They are so nice. One of the colours is a kind of grey beige colour, so I ordered Mercury, because it looked the same as this colour. When the delivery driver dropped the new tiles off, I looked at them in the box and they looked fine. It wasn't until I went upstairs and half of them were laid on the floor that I realised what a complete mess up I had made. they are not the same. They are grey... Mercury... suggests the fact huh? So now I have a freaking cream bathroom suite with mocha and cream walls and all kinds of browns and plums and warm autumn tones and a horrible grey clinical hospital floor.

I am devastated. I was so devastated that it made me ill and I could not work yesterday.

That seems such a dramatic thing to do, but honestly it really really damaged me. I spent so much time and effort choosing that bathroom and its been ruined by me too. I should have gone with a completely different tile. What an idiot I am. I will have to live with it. Its cost so much money to look so crap.

Don't get me wrong, its a lovely tile, and with a white bathroom suite and stainless steel and glass fittings and that kind of stuff it would look lush. But I don't have those. I have antique pine skirting and trim and antique pine accessories. It all looks C R U D together.

Well its done. But its left me feeling sick as can be.

I have never felt like this before. I think its because I had such a high expectation.

Writing this is cathartic though. It enables me to get all my grief out and free myself up.

Thanks for listening everyone. I know that its a small deal really in comparisson to other peoples lives. I should be greatful for what I have. Its just that I made a mistake. I hate that.