I do NOT like this book

The book
I'm on chapter two of A Course in Weight Loss, 21 Spiritual lessons for surrendering your weight forever, by Marianne Williamson. I wonder, exactly what does "surrendering your weight forever" mean?

I've decided this book is a bunch of crap. Lesson two is even more stupid than lesson one. It's titled Thin You, Meet Not-Thin You. I got about four pages into this lesson and realized I don't like this author.

Marianne talks about Divine Mind, and "One in Whose hands it will dissolve forever". Seriously? Sounds kind of Harry Potter-ish to me. If she's talking about God then why doesn't she just say "God"?

When I read "Fat cells will dissolve permanently when they are dissolved through the power of love." I almost couldn't stop laughing. That's news to me. I thought those little guys were with me for life. I knew they could shrink, but I didn't know a little love could get rid of them.

I'm sure she was speaking figuratively and not literally, but so much of her writing is like a puzzle. It sounds nice but it doesn't make any sense.

Lesson one, tearing down the wall, which involved looking at the darkness in my life, was a terrible exercise. Dredging up old grievances and sadness in my life did nothing for my soul. Examining them in detail was horribly depressing.

This is by far the worst weight loss book I've ever read in my life, and I've read a lot of them.

After reading this book for a few days, I remembered buying another Marianne Williamson book several years ago. I had totally forgotten about that book. I can't remember the name of it. That was when I respected Oprah and she was promoting it at the time. I hated that book. In fact, that's when I was very involved with my church, reading the Bible daily, and of course, daily prayer. I found Marianne's writing offensive, and I still do.

I think there might be some value in this book. Sadly, so much of it is New Age garbage that you have to try to weed through to get to anything worthwhile, I really don't think it has much overall value.

I did a little research on Marianne last night and found an interview she did several years ago. Personally, I think she's a little crazy. Sure, we're all a little bit crazy, but most of us aren't out there selling our brand of crazy to the masses.

Buyer beware

And life goes on
It's only Tuesday but yesterday was long! After a couple of sleepless nights over the weekend (thanks to that damn book), I awoke exhausted on Monday morning. I felt like I hadn't slept all weekend. I managed to drag myself to the gym, but my heart wasn't in it.

Saturday I had done a new upper body workout that killed my triceps, biceps and deltoids. My arms are still very sore. After purchasing a great new magazine that I totally love, "Muscle and Fitness hers", I read about doing supersets or compound sets. I remember doing these years ago, but had forgot all about them.

You pick two or three exercises for one body part and then you complete one set of one exercise and go immediately into the next one, alternating until you complete all sets. Compound sets are a great way to get better results in less time, stimulating muscle growth while also bumping up fat loss. I also found it a lot less boring.

After the gym I only had a half day of work because I had a dentist appointment. I go three times a year for a cleaning, but this wasn't a normal visit. It was to "look at my crown". I had a crown put on a molar three years when my dentist saw a "shadow" in the x-ray. I had no pain in that tooth but he convinced me I needed a crown, which resulted in three years of cold sensitivity and often pain.

The "looking at my crown" turned into a two-hour root canal. My dentist is a "pain-free" dentist and I didn't feel any pain, other than sitting there for two hours while he drilled, prodded, poked, drilled some more, more poking and prodding and more drilling. I had my iPod cranked up but I had no idea it was going to be two freaking hours in that chair.

I was on nitrous oxide the entire time so I was in happy land.When I came home I took a Valium he had prescribed because as soon as the numbness wore off I wasn't in happy land anymore. After dinner, a bowl of delicious homemade beef vegetable soup I made in the pressure cooker (my new best friend), I became violently ill. Like I thought I was going to die ill. I couldn't stop throwing up. It was horrible.

I'm not sure what made me so sick. This is the first beef I've eaten in over two years. It was fresh, as well as all the vegetables. Maybe it was a reaction to the Valium, but I've never had that happen before.

At least I'm over it now and I've tested out the crown. I can drink ice water and let it hit that tooth without screeching in pain. I guess it was worth it.

Now, off to the gym. I have some new glute exercises to try (from the magazine - love it!).

One last thing, as my friend Roxie often says....be kind to yourself today (and others). :)

Garlic and Corn Risotto

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 3¾ cups fat-free chicken broth
  
  


• 4 cloves garlic, chopped
  
  


• 1 cup uncooked Arborio or long grain rice
  
  


• 2 cups frozen whole kernel corn
  
  


• ¼ cup low-fat Mozzarella cheese
  
  


• ⅓ cup low-fat Parmesan cheese
  
  


• ¼ cup fresh parsley or cilantro, chopped
  
  

Preparation:

• In a large saucepan, bring ⅓ cups of the broth to boil. Add garlic, cook for about 1 minute, stirring occasionally.
  
  


• Stir in rice and corn then cook for about 1 minute.
  
  


• Add remaining broth and bring to a boil then reduce heat to medium-heat. Cook uncovered until rice is tender and creamy (about 15 to 20 minutes), stirring often to absorb liquid.
  
  


• Remove from heat then add Parmesan cheese, Mozzarella cheese and parsley.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (372 g)): 339 Calories, 16 g Protein, 56 g carbohydrates, 3 g Dietary Fiber, 6 g fat, 3 g saturated fat, 10 mg cholesterol, 10 mg sodium

Grilled Tofu and Mushroom Brochettes

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 12 oz. white button mushrooms
  
  


• 10 (½oz.) package of firm beancurd (tofu)
  
  


• 4 tbsp white wine vinegar
  
  


• 3 tbsp olive oil
  
  


• 1 lemon
  
  


• 1 garlic clove, crushed
  
  


• 1 tbsp fresh rosemary, chopped
  
  


• 1 tbsp cilantro, chopped
  
  


• 1 tbsp fresh basil, chopped
  
  


• Salt and pepper, to taste
  
  

Preparation:

• Wash outside of lemon thoroughly with warm water and soap. Pat dry then grate peel and set aside. In a medium bowl, slice lemon in half and squeeze out juice.
  
  


• Add the garlic, olive oil, white wine vinegar and chopped herbs with the lemon juice and mix well. Add salt and pepper to taste.
  
  


• Using a damp cloth, clean mushrooms and remove any excess soil. Slice mushrooms in half and set aside.
  
  


• Using a sharp knife, slice the tofu into medium chunks. Thread tofu alternated with sliced mushrooms onto metal or wood skewers. Place brochettes into a shallow pan and pour the lemon-herb marinade over the skewers, coating evenly. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for about 1-2 hours.
  
  


• Prepare grill.
  
  


• Remove brochettes and set aside marinade for basting. Cook brochettes over a hot grill, brushing often with the reserved marinade until cooked through (about 6 minutes).
  
  


• Serve with an extra sprinkling of chopped fresh herbs and lemon wedges.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (200 g)): 164 Calories, 8 g Protein, 8 g carbohydrates, 2 g Dietary Fiber, 12 g fat, 2 g saturated fat, 0 mg cholesterol, 31 mg sodium

It should be called: A course in pain

Last night, after my husband was asleep and the house was quiet, I sat down with my book, A Course in Weight Loss. I was determined to tackle chapter one, tearing down the wall. The wall being all the things that are stopping me from losing weight.

With a heavy heart and a feeling of dread, I picked four words that reflected emotions or feelings that I I feel very strongly. I chose the ones that were the most important to me. Ironically, they were the first four words in the list of twenty-six.

My choices were:  Shame, Anger, Fear, Unforgiveness.

I sat at my computer and went conscious (versus going unconscious). I wrote out everything I could about those feelings. I cried. I felt sad. I remembered some things about my past that I had forgotten and had put away because they were too painful to deal with. According to lesson one, I need to deal with them now in order to lose weight.

The most powerful emotion in my list is Anger. The anger I hold in my heart stems from something that happened Easter weekend seventeen years ago. It was 1994. My husband and I had been married five and half years. We had married in 1988, the first time for both us, and both of us 33 years old. Both of us were very set in our ways.

Looking from the outside in, we appeared to have same the same values and were very much alike. We seemed perfect for each other. Looking from the inside, we were, and still are, very different.

What happened on Easter weekend in 1994 is a source of great pain for me. My husband left me, for three years. He moved out of our home. He didn't even tell me he was leaving. We hadn't discussed separation or divorce, although we had been arguing continually over everything. He just didn't come home from work on a Friday night, Good Friday 1994.

All weekend I had no idea what had happened to him. This was before cell phones. I found out later he had spent the weekend with a friend, a female that I didn't know. He claimed they were just friends, but after examining our phone records where I saw he had spent hours on the phone with her while I was at work, I was sure they were more than "just" friends.

When he came home early Monday morning, the day after Easter, he said he was moving out. I asked him why, he said he couldn't live with me any longer. It was too stressful, I was too "difficult" to live with and he couldn't talk to me. I asked him where he was going and he simply said he didn't know for sure. I asked if he wanted a divorce, and he said he didn't know.

He came back that evening and packed up his suitcases and left. I remember begging him not to leave me. I asked if we could try marriage counseling. He said no. I asked him how we could work on our problems if we weren't even living together. He simply said he had to leave.

We barely spoke for the next six months. I can't even begin to tell you the pain I went through during those six months. To add insult to injury I was the heaviest I had ever been in my entire life, 200 pounds. During the next year I managed to gain another thirty pounds and my weight shot up to 230. I thought that was probably part of the reason he left me. He was thin, a runner, lifted weights and he was very physically fit. I was fat and forty and now I was alone. I knew I'd be alone the rest of my life.

I remember many nights of weeping, curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor. Dramatic? I guess, but I remember feeling like I was dying of a broken heart.For some reason curling up in a ball on the bathroom floor seemed to calm me. I cried the hardest I had ever cried in my life.

During the three years we were separated I filed for divorce twice. Both times he talked me out of it. Sometimes I wonder how much different both of our lives would be now if I would have followed through on a divorce. Would it be better for both of us, or would it be worse.

The second time I filed for divorce, I was dead set on following through iwth it. We'd been separated three years, and I had lost over 100 pounds. I weighed 126 and was happy and very self-confident. Even though I was 42, I was getting a lot of attention from men. I wanted to date, to fall in love again and live my life, but I was still married. If my husband didn't want me, I wanted a chance to find someone else.

As we sat outside the courtroom for the second time, waiting to go before the judge to tell him that yes, we wanted a divorce, my husband pleaded with me for another chance. He said he could tell I'd changed and he loved me and wanted to make our marriage work. That was August 1997. I thought it was what I wanted at the time. Sometimes, I'm not  sure I made the right decision.

I'm still angry at my husband over what happened seventeen years ago. I'm angry not only that he walked out, but I'm angry how he handled it. To this day I can't believe he did something so incredibly cruel and heartless.

We've discussed it over and over, and even though he says he's sorry that I feel this way, he still says he did what he had to do. To this day he denies there was anyone else.

According to lesson one, the last section is called "Reflection and Prayer". Supposedly you hand these problems over to God, and He will help you understand and feel the pain. Once this happens the pain will disappear. I feel the pain, I understand it, now I'm waiting for the "disappear" part.

Grilled Lemongrass Beef

(makes 8 servings)

Ingredients:

• 2 pounds sirloin tip, cut in ⅛" thick slices
  
  


• ½ cup peeled fresh lemongrass, chopped
  
  


• ⅓ cup shallots, chopped
  
  


• 2 tbsp Vietnamese fish sauce (otherwise known as "Nam pla")
  
  


• 2 serrano chiles, seeded and chopped
  
  


• 1½ tbsp sugar
  
  


• 2 tsp vegetable oil
  
  


• 6 garlic cloves, smashed
  
  


• Low-fat cooking spray
  
  

Preparation:

• Combine lemongrass, shallots, fish sauce, sugar, vegetable oil, salt, garlic and serrano chiles in a food processor. Process until smooth (about 1 minute).
  
  


• Add beef and lemongrass mixture and stir to coat evenly in a small bowl. Cover bowl with plastic wrap and marinate in the refrigerator for 2 to 3 hours.
  
  


• Prepare grill.
  
  


• Remove beef from bowl and discard extra marinade. Spray coat the grill with low-fat cooking spray then grill the beef on each side until desired doneness (about 1 minute).
  
  

Make 8 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(⅛ of recipe (136 g)): 253 Calories, 36 g Protein, 5 g carbohydrates, 0 g Dietary Fiber, 9 g fat, 3 g saturated fat, 104 mg cholesterol, 417 mg sodium

I made a deal with the devil

Well, the deal isn't actually with the devil, but with Marianne Williamson.

First, the bike ride
I just finished my first bike ride of the spring. I rode once last February when we had a sort of nice day, but today the weather was perfect. Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE bike riding? It's my favorite way to get in my cardio, and according to my heart rate monitor I burned 550 calories just bike riding (it's only eight miles but very hilly).

I stopped at the gym on my return and completed a full hour of upper body weights doing a new routine. I found a DVD I purchased about three years ago but never watched until this morning. I watched it and wrote down the exercise to do at the gym. I work out better there than I do at home. The routine uses dumbbells only, nine exercises, three sets of 15 reps, three exercises each for deltoids, triceps and biceps. It took me the entire hour plus to finish the routine and my arms ache now. Then I rode my bike home. I was/am exhausted!

Biking is at at least a hundred times more fun than any of the boring gym cardio equipment. The fresh air and sunshine does wonders for the soul. Yes, I said SUNSHINE! In Seattle! With a balmy 64 degrees. It's a little piece of heaven on earth when the sun shines here.

The deal
Now about my deal with the devil. When I purchased Marianne Williamson's "A Course In Weight Loss" I made a promise to myself that I would read the entire book and give it a chance. I buy a lot of weight loss books and as you can tell from reading my blog, none of them have really helped me. Probably because I never really give them a chance.

Honestly, I don't like this book very much (it's a bit too Zen-Buddhist/new age for me) . I'm still on lesson one. It's called Tear Down the Wall.

This is what Marianne says on page 20:

Your first lesson focuses on the following visualization:  the image of excess weight as a brick wall you are carrying around. This wall has been built by your subconscious mind; its purpose is to separate you from other people and from life itself. Your fear has built the wall, and love will tear it down.

Looking closely, you see that every brick has something written on it:

A few of the words (she actually lists 26 words, but you get the idea):


Shame
Anger
Fear
Forgiveness
Judgement

You select the words that you can relate to, that you have in your past. She says: by allowing yourself to look and to feel, you will ultimately understand. This is a meaningful opportunity to see your light, by being courageous enough to look at your darkness.

She has a paragraph for each word, and you're suppose to fill in the blank for the words that apply to you.  For example:

Shame:  I am ashamed of ________________________________________.
Perhaps you acted foolishly, and cringe to think that other people still remember...
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.

I sort of like the "Do not go unconscious" part since I do that a lot when it comes to bad feelings or sad emotions. I'd prefer not to think about them. Perhaps this is my problem.

This is a very painful exercise and not one I'm enjoying. However, I'm determined to follow through on this course, regardless of the bad memories it's dredging up from my past.

Funny but true, I'm not an Oprah fan in the least and the book is dedicated to Oprah. Cracked me up. 

My Weight
I missed Weight Watchers this morning. I just couldn't seem to get going in time to make my 11:15am meeting (I was still in my PJs!). I weighed at home and was a little upset by what I saw. 187.4. Not good. I'm trying hard to not beat myself up about this, but to just get back on track.

My plan for this week is to track everything I eat with eTools, follow portion control (two cups of frozen cherries is not a portion nor is eight ounces of chicken breast). I also want to follow the healthy eating guidelines as closely as possible.

I'm feeling pretty positive at the moment, but I'm also afraid as soon as I delve back into that book I'm going to be sad again. Do you really think you have to look at the darkness to see the light? That just doesn't make a lot of sense.

Grilled Jalapeno Lime Chicken

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 1 lb. boneless and skinless chicken breast halves
  
  


• 1 tbsp olive oil
  
  


• 1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and diced
  
  


• 1 tsp grated lime peel
  
  


• 1 tbsp fresh lime juice
  
  


• 1 tsp ground cumin
  
  


• 3 cloves garlic, minced
  
  


• ¼ tsp ground black pepper
  
  


• ¼ tsp salt
  
  


• Non-fat cooking spray
  
  

Preparation:

• Prepare grill.
  
  


• Combine oil, lime peel, lime juice, jalapeño pepper, cumin, garlic, salt and pepper in a large resealable plastic bag.
  
  


• Place chicken in bag. Squeeze out excess air then seal tightly. Turn bag to coat chicken on all sides then chill in refrigerator for at least ½ hour to marinate.
  
  


• Remove chicken and discard bag with marinade.


• Place chicken on grill for about 12 to 15 minutes or until cooked through and internal temperature in thickest part of chicken is at least 165 degrees F then serve immediately.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (127 g)): 160 Calories, 26 g Protein, 1 g carbohydrates, 0 g Dietary Fiber, 5 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 66 mg cholesterol, 220 mg sodium