My manager drew this on the white board in my cubicle yesterday. She was trying to make me laugh. It didn't really work. Because the picture on the left is definitely me, including the dark circles under my eyes. We have a software release on 10/12, with a code complete date of 9/3. Pretty much anything that could go wrong, has gone wrong.
61 hours. That's how many hours I've worked in the last seven days. That includes last Sunday and today. Three days left the office at 8pm, 11-hour days with no lunch.
A weird thing happens when I work too much and don't get enough sleep. I cry. Deep, sad, weeping. For no apparent reason. That was what happened yesterday when I was driving home at 8pm. I was crying so hard I could hardly see to drive. Why? I have no explanation other than complete exhaustion. It's just a deep sadness that overwhelms me. After ten-hours of sleep I'm usually like a new person. This morning, not so much.
Even though I had a really productive day in the office today, and I'm confident I'll make Friday's deadline, I'm tired of working. I even went to the gym for an hour and half after work today, hoping it would create some happy endorphins. It didn't work.
Tomorrow I have to go in to the office again. I think I'm going to go to the gym before I go. Going tonight wasn't fun, but I manage an intense StairMaster session for 30 minutes, and 45 minutes of weights. I added some bonus exercises, concentrated dumbbell curls 25 pounds, and that was after three sets of 12 with a 20-pound dumbbell. I also did some dumbbell curls with that big 44-pound barbell. Gosh that thing is heavy all by itself. It was a great workout, but I didn't really change my mood for the better. Okay, maybe just a tiny bit.
As far as my eating, it's been pretty good but not good enough to lose weight. I'm holding steady at 175.4. I really need to lose weight. Not just so I can fit into my clothes comfortably, but also because my blood pressure has skyrocketed lately. I've been checking it the last few weeks and it's creeping up. Last night it was 154/82. Not good.
I was on blood pressure medicine three years ago for almost two years. Then my doctor took me off of it about a year ago when I was down to 160 pounds. I held steady at 110/60 for about a year. I'm sure the extra weight and the stress at work, a lethal combination, is causing my high blood pressure.
Since I can't quit my job, I need to at least lose the weight. The thought of a stroke or a heart attack scares me to death (ha..ha..now that's kind of funny).
I probably shouldn't write anything when I'm feeling like this. I'm not exactly an inspiration right now.
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