Desperate to jump on the scales...

I am desperate to. I just wanna know if I have lost any more weight! It's all I think about... I even take a drink to bed with me so that I can have a drink instantly in the morning so it puts me off of weighing myself.

Yes, I am crazy.

Jumping on and off the scales is NOT good for me. I have been so good, but I always get to Wednesday and I can't take it any more.

'So jump on!', I hear you scream.

No, its not good because if its the same weight, then I will be really disheartened and sabotage myself. If its a gain I will be gutted. If its a loss... well that's cool, but I am too worried about the other two to just go for it.

Thankfully I am only obsessing about the scales. Everything else is seemingly normal.

Food wise, I still have monster restriction. I am not tempted to be an idiot and eat crap. I am making meals every day, and eating a varied diet.

Today's food

Breakfast: 1 mouthful of pancake, puked up 10 minutes later.

Snack: banana

Lunch: Chicken curry and rice

Dinner: Chicken casserole... well a bit of it.

And here's what was left when I had finished. took me the best part of 40 minutes to eat.

This was such a lovely dinner too...

Sweet potato, Onion, Carrot, lentils, Potato chicken breast cubes and stock.

Y U M

So that's me done for the day. I don't know how many calories the casserole has, but it didn't have any extra fat or anything... just veg and water. The rest of my food for today adds up to about 300 calories, so I guess I am under 500 today.

So even though I keep worrying that I am going to start putting on weight, or that my portion sizes are getting bigger, or any other paranoid thoughts, everything seems to be going swimmingly.

I wish SO much that my band never went wrong. Its really stressing me out. I am so close to being 16 stone 3, where I was end of last May... I know its dumb as anything, but I cant help but feel like its going to go wrong, or its going to just stop working, or something.

I never realised how much this is still affecting me really. I think once I am past that 16 stone 3 mark, I will start to relax and really settle my heart on the prospect of actually achieving my goal weight...

I can't wait until the next 3 pounds are over with.

That's another reason why I am so eager to get on those scales.