Fucking peeved

I notice that this months posts have all been rather down and the mouth, sorry. I am not particularly down at the mouth, nor down at the scales it would seem. I am 117.9kgs today. Yay.

NOT YAY!

I cannot work out what the heck-a doodle is going on in my body but it would seem, against all scientific studies on earth, that my metabolism works backwards. If I eat a full pile of shit and sugar all week - I lose weight or stay the same. If I exercise like a sweaty pig and eat less - I gain.

Well what does that suggest to one that is trying to eat less and exercise. Yeah, seems like its not worth it.

God! What the FUCK???????????

Man I know you guys are all awesome and stuff but I have absolutely no idea why you bother to follow this blog as its such a pile of utter drivel and self loathing.

Even I don't have any idea why I write it!! I mean seriously? What IS the point of it.

*Death Sigh*


I just took a minute there to cover my face with my hands and rub it. I just don't know what to do any more. I am sitting here trying to be positive. I CAN'T. What can I be positive about. I busted my ass for 3 and a half weeks and I am heavier now than I was at the start.

Oh jeez. I need help and I have pretty much exhausted all possibilities.

I know that unbanded is not the way to go. I put on a lot of weight real quick so I know it's not the answer. But banding isn't either. Something MUST BE WRONG WITH ME. Like INSIDE.

Its not physically fucking possible to expend more calories than you consume and NOT lose weight.

Maybe I am am the right person to send to the Amazon or Sahara or Himalayas or Antarctica. I would get fatter and fatter as I ate less and less and exercised more and more. I am a scientific DREAM! I should be studied. People can write their thesis' on me. COME ON! Contact me scientists!!! Old Captian Scott would have took me on the team. I dunno about them, but I woulda defo made it home right?!!!! 

I am not going to stop because I can't. I can't afford an unfill or a fill (and I am as tight as the proverbial D.A. anyway). I can't stop going to the gym as I have to do it for TB. I also


Enjoy it!!!!!


There I said it, but really small just in case anyone hears!

I am committed to shifting this bulk, but I just don't know how to do it any more chapettes.

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!

(and that's just a scream cos I am fucked of right? I'll be ok in a few days..weeks lol)