Way down

...my eating that is!

I have noticed that since fill #20 - yes, twenty - I have been eating a lot less.

Today I had the most stressful day for ages. Stress always gets my band tight when its filled nicely, and today was no exception.

To kick off we had an Sky HD upgrade planned for between 8am and 1pm. I was shattered after finishing work yesterday at 10:30pm and then having to spend 2 hours with DS finishing his homework when I got in so I was looking forward to Sky man coming at about five minutes to one this afternoon!!

No such luck. The bloke rings at 8:25am and says he will be there at 9:00am. Ah well, at least I can go back to bed after he has done his thing, thinks I. Nope.

He arrives at 9:30 (!) and then does one of those "Oooh, Ahh, I dunno" scratches of the heads that tradespeople seem to do when they think they have wifey at home all dumb and stupid. He says "Think your tubes have gone in your telly."

"Tubes?" I ask - perplexed as to why my plasma telly has tubes... then he goes "er... yeah, there's horizontal lines there on the blue screen... they are at the back of the plasma screen". Hmmm well yes, I can see lines, as I have done since we got the thing new. I flick the channel to one that actually has a picture rather than just a plain blue screen, and no sign of lines. "Oh that's good look, I cant see it now its actually on a channel, so I wont mind that matey" says I.

Then blow me if not 2 minutes later hes scratching his nuts again and oohing and ahhing over the state of my wiring to the phone socket "Oooh i dunno luv, looks like that's gunna be dodgy. Might need a new socket..."
"Well its not plugged into the phone line at the moment, nor has it been for the last 8 years, so don't bother plugging it in mate ok?"

"No no no no luv" he goes "You have to av it plugged in like cos yous taken out another contract".
"Oh no no no no mate, it slows the broadband, makes a shitty noise on the line and I am gunna whip it out the minute you leave anyway - even if you do get it in there - so just don't bother yeah?"

"Oh alright then"

Fuck me.

There were several other mini dramas that I totally ignore... line to the box, wrong cables bla bla bla. I am paying you to do the freaking job mate, so quit whining and do it!

Finally, and hour after he arrived, he gets the box out of his van. Surprisingly it all works. After the palaver he made you would have thought I needed a hot bath and a razor. Life just wasn't worth living the way he was going on! Do I have "M.U.G" written on my head? Well I must have because just after he left at 11:30am, I get a call from Microsoft technical support.

Yes, Microsoft technical support. Apparently they don't normally ring, but they had had a log of several threats on my computer and wanted to help me clear them.

Oh course I put the phone down straight away didn't I.

Ummm.... nope. I didn't. I quizzed the bejayzus out of them - I really did - about how did they know it was my particular PC and not one of the other 4 in the household; how did they know it was MINE that was causing the error; where were they calling from exactly again; and how did they get my name, number, dob, email address, postal address and mothers maiden name etc? THATS RIGHT!!!! They had all that info.

So I thinks... Ok maybe they are for real, but I am no pushover. I consider myself pretty darn computer security savvy. I know what a phishing email is/hoaxes look like and I don't get pushed into changing gas/electric supply every week and I know a scam when I hear one. How many rich uncles in Nigeria can one girl have right?

They were very patient "yes, its totally understandable that you want to verify us Mrs. Bunny... bla bla" so I let them guide me to the relevant files they had had issues coming through on. I needed to check and low and behold there are an amazing array of threats on my computer. Loads of warning files and errors. I was really worried! They should have fucking Oscars for con men cos they were fucking brilliant!

So I am totally convinced that the chap I am speaking to is who he says he is, and am going along with all this guff. He took control of my computer remotely and even as I type this I know you are all hanging your heads thinking I am a freaking foooool of gargantuan proportions but I am telling you I WAS FOOLED.

I 100% believed every word they said, and was sucking it right up and it actually worries me MORE because there must be thousands of people out there who wouldn't even have questioned these people. I questioned them for about 10 minutes and they still managed to convince me...

...right up until he showed me a screen where some log shows that my security layer on my computer was expired and I needed to reinstate it.

Uh oh... ding a ling a ling. Bunny you stupid bastard!!!!

This was 30 minutes into the call. Alarm bells started to ring and I though Oh My GOD. I am in the middle of a scam. The next breath and he shows me a website saying the prices of the different packages I can buy to reinstall my security shield ranging from £20 to £120. Yep. A website lashed up just to take cash.

Well by this time I was fully aware, but hold my cool and said "Oh no, my handbag is in my husbands car and hes at work. Can you call me back this evening and we can do it then when he gets home?" and a "sure ma'am" came from him. Then he proceeded to give me his phone number 02081239216 and his name Austin Wells and that we could call him back any time.I thanked him SOOO much for helping me and I hung up.

I am well aware that often if you hang up or are rude at that point (when they are still in control of your PC!) they can execute files etc that can cause grievous harm, so I just kept it cool...

After hanging up I immediately shut my computer down and disconnected it. My PC has been thoroughly cleaned and thankfully there are no key loggers, no jammers or viruses or spyware thank god, but it was the fright of a lifetime. I thought as a precaution I would just change all my passwords and pins and everything as it's probably a good idea anyway.

So, friends of mine, if you get a call from Windows support and services department because your International IP address has been showing errors and they don't usually phone, but there was like Sooooooo many... you know what to do. They used the run application on windows to enter the code eventvwr which showed up all the logs... go ahead on your computer and have a look. You will find errors and warnings as that's what it logs. Its a LOG. lol. What a dumb ass I was. they used www.logmein123.com to remote access my PC  and the website they took me to that was basically phoney was techsupportonline.in Obviously don't go to these websites cos they might have viruses on - i dunno - but I am just adding this info so that they cant scam anyone again and others who got sucker punched like me can hopefully see ahead of time that its bollocks.

It might seem like I am trying to save face after the event, but I honestly never thought I would ever be tricked into doing something like that and it was relatively easy, so everyone must beware. At the end of the day I didn't need to write this here!! It really really scared the shit out of me at how easily and readily I was fooled.

Upshot - have eaten fuck all today!! HAHA

I felt like crying immediately ofter the call, was shaking and not in a good state because my computer would not immediately tun back on so I was kind of freaking out. It tightened my band up to squeaky badgers ass tight and I could not eat allllll day long.

By 1pm I had managed to change my bank details and gone through on my sons laptop other accounts - ebay, paypal etc etc and ahything else I can think of that might mean I get robbed! By 2pm I decide to have some soup. GLERK! One teaspoon sat there on the band like a cork plug so I thought forget it.

Spent some considerable time on the phone to my mum, TB and DH at the shop and recanting the days dramas then got my shit together to look at lesson plans for the afternoons work and dragged my ass out the door to go to work all strazzled (Stressed + Frazzled).

I get in the car and RRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr RRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr clunk.

O h h h h h hhh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I jump out the car like a mad thing just as my next door neighbour walks onto my drive (who can hardly walk as she has had a stroke - except not a nice person AT ALL and a complete beeyatch unless she needs something)

"YES?" I scream????

This is the same neighbour that fucked me off over our extension so pleasantry's are hard to come by and I am all out of nice today anyway!

She has locked herself out and do I have a spare key.

"No, I gave it back after you shopped us to the council!" I said. Then smiled sweetly. Her face was a PICTURE - It was so worth the 16 month wait! (Funnily enough the council sided with us YAY but thats another story)

I turned on my heels and marched back up the drive, grabbed the WD40 from the porch and whipped up the bonnet. Neighbour from hell is in the passenger seat of a car, and in the drivers seat is some snotty looking woman who is obviously doing her good turn of the year

"I say, do you know what's wrong with the car?" she asks.
"I am a mechanics daughter. Of course I do!" I yell back like a fish wife.

I dress very smartly for work so it must look quite comical as with WD40 in hand, I swish my cashmere shawl and beautiful handmade french necklace out of the way, stand well back to stop the car grime getting on my wool suit and pop the bonnet. I rake around, lift the plastic cover from the bit my dad tells me to and squirt away. I squirt all wire connections and belt this metal drum style thingy (tip from dad too), slam the bonnet, squeeze loads of antibacterial gel on my hands to get rid of the grease (works like a dream btw!) and then fire up the old horse.

Blue smoke blows out and we are off! With a cheesy grin to posh woman and hell neighbour, I back out leaving them to sit on their drive until someone comes with a key.

When I say day from hell! PHEW!

However it doesn't end there! I get 5 miles up the road and realise I have forgotten a cruicial book for my 2nd pupil! After mending the car, there is not enough time to do lessons one, go back to get the book and then go to lesson two.

In a blind hunger starved panic I about turn, ring pupil one and explain that I have had car faliure and reschedule for later in the evening. I dive home to see hell neighbour still sitting in the car on her drive -  GLEE! (Yeah, I know but it made a tiny chick of sunshine in my day!)

So I grab the book and off I finally go to work.

I hadnt eaten or drunk a drop all day. I was so shattered by 9pm, with still 2 lessons to do that I got one of those teeny tiny small power shots from the garage for £2.50. They are 5 calories for 25mls of caffeine and what-not but wake you up for hours. Well its 3am in the morning and I am still awake but JEEEEZ it gave me well bad acid heartburn and I threw it up about 45 minutes after I drank it down - and even then I had to sip it!

There is nowt so demure as a cashmere clad fat lady barfing up in the headlights of her car on the side of a country road, knee deep in grass and most likely roadkill.

I dunno about anyone else in the UK, there just seems to be an awesome amount of dead shit on the road tonight. Huh, random!

So when I got in I was glad to see a nice curry sitting on the counter. I had a green tea whilst I didn DH's accounts (he had deep cleaned my computer up even more once he got home), did the bills and sat down to eat at midnight. I had about a cup of rice and curry, 1 popadom, 1 glass of red wine and half a bag of tootie fruities (little sweeties).

What a day.

Thank god it's over!

Now I am off to bed, and I am NOT getting up until lunch for love nor money!