I didn't know I was so fat but pictures don't lie

Before Pictures (from the Big Climb March 20, 2011)

Rear view (ugh!)

It's weird how I often don't see my body as it really looks. When I weighed 152 two summers ago, and 166 last summer, I thought I was a fat pig. That's the picture on the lower right, me in the black size 10 skirt and pink top. 152 pounds and I thought I was fat.

Now that I'm fat again I don't see it when I look in the mirror. Even though the size ten's hanging in my closet don't even begin to fit, I still think of myself as the same person that weighed 152. It's like my head hasn't caught to the fact that I'm fat again. It's the opposite of what an anorexia thinks.

The pictures really hit me hard. Really? I'm really THAT fat?! Yes, Diana, you are really that fat. How fat am I? Read below.

My second weekly Weight Watchers meeting
Today was my first Weight Watchers At Work meeting. There were 28 employees at the meeting, each with their $130.20 check in hand for a 17-week series of meetings and e-Tools.

My company is picking up the additional 30% that Weight Watchers would normally charge. I work for an awesome company! Of course, it's in their best interest that we all get to a healthy weight to keep our insurance costs down, as well as take fewer sick days. Smart move on their part, and I get to benefit from it.

I'm very excited about this meeting. I'm not new to Weight Watchers. I've been going to meetings for three years non-stop. It annoys me that I haven't reached goal yet, but I also know that without the meetings I'd definitely be back up to my high weight of 240 pounds, plus a few extra for good measure. Going to two meetings a week is sort of like AA, where the alcoholic goes every day if possible. Like an alcoholic, I have a serious problem.

I weighed in at home this morning and was appalled I saw184 pounds. I decided to eat breakfast, have my cup of coffee and drink water all morning like normal. I'm not going to starve myself or go without water because I have a noon weighin.

The official weighin (are you sitting down because this is rather shocking):

187.4 

Now I could make all sorts of excuses, I was wearing "heavy" clothes or I'd had food and water during the morning, or there was something wrong with the scales the leader brought to the meeting. That can't be my real weight! Seriously folks, it's my real weight. As real as it gets. 

My plan isn't to dwell on how horrible this is or how mad I am at myself for letting this happen. My plan is to get down to business and lose the weight!

I have my regular Weight Watcher meeting on Saturday, which I pay for online so I'll have two official weighins a week. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but I'm kind of crazy. My eating has become totally out of control with no accountability.

Now that I know how fat I am, I need to fix it.