Finding joy in food / 183.6

I've been following this young lady's blog for the last couple of years. She follows a vegan diet and eats very healthy. She maintains her prefect healthy weight through eating natural whole foods.

What amazes me is when you look at the food she prepares it doesn't look at all like "diet" food. She uses wholesome ingredients and never mentions calories. She eats real food.

Since obviously what I've been doing isn't really working for me lately (like the last year or more), I thought it's time I take a different approach to my eating. Instead of constantly going for the totally non-fat, sugar-free, lowest calories food, I'm going to try eating more whole foods and fewer processed foods.

I'm going to stay with Weight Watchers and will still count Points and track my food, but I want to eat different food. A woman (or man) cannot live by chicken breasts and Brussels sprouts forever.

I attended two Weight Watcher meetings this week, one on Wednesday (at-work meeting) and one today. The topic for both was the same, about having a variety in your food. If you eat the same thing you'll get bored and start overeating, trying to compensate for the boredom. I'm living proof of this statement.

This is exactly where I've been for the past year. I couldn't even remember the last time I tried a new food. My breakfast for the last three years has been the same almost every single day. A couple of times I'd try oatmeal (yuk!), and immediately would go back to my same boring (although delicious) breakfast.

In case you're wondering, my breakfast was a healthy egg McMuffin type meal: one egg, 28 grams 2% sharp cheddar cheese, 4 thin slices Canadian bacon, 1 sandwich thin. PointsPlus = 8. Full of protein and cheesy goodness, but after three years, extremely boring.

After Wednesday's Weight Watcher meeting, I tried Fiber One pancakes. Thursday and Friday I had a mashed banana added to the Fiber One pancake mix and sugar-free pancake syrup (Smuckers). It was okay, but not fantastic. I didn't like the sugar-free syrup, although it tasted okay, I try to stay away from artificial sweeteners and usually have Stevia if I must have something sweet. It just didn't seem healthy. Processed Fiber One mix and sugar-free syrup, not exactly natural or a whole food.

Today I decided to break away from my usual practice of figuring out the Points before I eat. I know, scary idea isn't it? Breakfast today was really breakfast/lunch at 12:30 p.m. so I knew I had a lot of Points to play with (I get 29 a day and still have 44 of weeklies to use this week, plus all my activity Points).

I saw a recipe on Angela's blog that looked and sounded wonderful. Spiced-up Stacked Pumpkin Butter Pancakes For One.

I couldn't make them exactly as she said because I couldn't find the Kamut flour at the nutrition center of my local Fred Meyers. Instead, I used Bob's Red Mill Organic High Fiber Pancake and Waffle (a combination of several different types of organic whole grains). I added only a teaspoon of baking powder to make them fluffier, but not as much as Angela added since the mix already contained some baking powder.

I purchased my first jar of Nature's Way EfaGold Coconut Oil, pure extra virgin. I cringed when I looked at the calories, but I was determined to make the recipe as close to Angela's as I could. You can read about the benefits of coconut oil here. I've been reading about it on several blogs but sort of blew it off. I mean, it's an oil and very high in calories. However, I eat olive oil since it's healthy and it's high in calories too. I think it's time I try something different in the oil department.

Angela has a Pumpkin Butter recipe that I'm going to try, but this morning I didn't want to take the time. Instead I purchased R.W. Knudsen's Organic Apple Butter (one PointsPlus per tablespoon).

I made the pancakes using the Bob's Pancake mix and substituted the store-bought apple butter for the pumpkin butter as the topping. I added one tablespoon pecans on top of the apple butter and had one egg on the side (for extra protein and I'm a big egg lover).

This meal was fit for a king. I'm not kidding you when I say this was the best pancake I've ever eaten in my entire life. The total PointsPlus for everything was 14. That's a lot for one meal, but it was my breakfast and lunch together, and it was delightful. Worth every Point.

I'm going to stop by the health food store and pick up some Kamut flour, but I doubt it can beat the pancake I had today. I also plan to whip up the Pumpkin Butter. I'm not sure if the Points will be that much different than the store-bough Apple Butter, but I'd like to try it anyway.

Since I put away the book by she-who-shall-not-be-named I feel 100% better about myself and my life. Looking back at the past and dwelling on unpleasant situations really doesn't work for me. I'd rather look towards the future. I'm feeling very positive and happy today (it helps that the sun is shining).

Taking joy in our food isn't a bad thing. In fact, I think it's a much  healthier way to look at food, rather than think of it as the enemy. We need to grab our joy where we can find it, as long as it's good for us and healthy. I really believe it's okay if that joy is in our food.

~Diana

Picture from this morning, on my way to Weight Watchers

 Beautiful sky

Close up of the flowers that are just starting to pop out on our tree int he front yard.

Down down down & out

Would love to tell you peeps that I have lost shit loads this month. Haven't. But have lost!

YAAY

Last Saturday I had a little teeny weeny fill with Jane. Just 0.2mls but bugger me, what a difference! I have puked quite a bit, so I need to go careful until i work it out. I haven't, however, had one of those god awful 'can't swallow my own spit' episodes. I think i would definitely have had one if I had had 0.25!! Isn't it funny how very very VERY little fluid makes a difference when things are going right!

It's impressed me to be honest.

I am currently waiting on my Roast Beef dinner to go down... small amount of vomit where I didn't completely chew a bit of broccoli to death... and then I can have my pudding. I might give it about 2 hours until I try!

All I can say girls is HOOOO FUCKING RAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got on the scale this morning, and it wasn't earth shattering (maybe that is a good thing too!! HAHA) but it was lower. 114.9kgs. A whole new number to play around with and plug into the Gym Machines!!

I have only lost 7kgs since October, but I feel so much better for it. This time last year I was only a few pounds lower than I am now. That gives me a lot of hope as I got a whole HEAP heavier. It's slow, but the trend is down down down!!!

Tomorrow I have ambitiously decided to stage a Hen Night for my friend.

We start with tapas... mixed olives, cheeses and quail eggs then a starter of Mozzarella wrapped with Prosciutto and dressed with a Chilli Spiked Pesto, followed for Main of a Mixed Fondue - Beef, Scallops, Prawns, Corn, Okra, Broccoli and Cauliflower with different dips and a tempura batter to fry it in and the finishing with Rhubarb and Lemongrass Fool, with rhubarb lemonade (made with the juice from the rhubarb, desert wine and lemon juice!! YUM)

should be good, but with the stress, having to wear a bra and the general quantity I am feeling less than optimistic about how much I will eat. At least I am at home and can puke at will!! LOL

Anyway, much love ladies, must go and watch my fave show... Home and Away!!! LOVE IT!

night all

Lemon Chicken

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves, trimmed of excess fat
  
  


• 2 tbsp chopped fresh or 2 tsp dried basil leaves
  
  


• 2 tbsp chopped fresh parsley
  
  


• 2 tbsp lemon juice
  
  


• 2 tsp olive oil, canola oil or vegetable oil
  
  


• ½ tsp salt
  
  


• 1 clove garlic, minced
  
  


• Non-fat cooking spray
  
  

Preparation:

• Make lemon sauce: In a medium bowl Beat remaining ingredients with a fork.
  
  


• Spray a 10” skillet with cooking spray and cook chicken over medium-high heat until juices are no longer pink when thickest part of chicken is cut (about15 minutes).
  
  


• Pour some lemon sauce over chicken, turn chicken over and cook for an additional 15-20 seconds.
  
  


• Serve chicken topped with remainder of sauce.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(1 chicken breast (114 g)): 188 Calories, 31 g Protein, 1 g carbohydrates, 0 g Dietary Fiber, 6 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 84 mg cholesterol, 597 mg sodium

Cauliflower and Leek Quiche

(makes 2 pies or 12 servings)

Ingredients:

• 2 (9”) un-baked pie shells, at room temperature.
  
  


• 1 leek, chopped
  
  


• 1 cup cauliflower, chopped
  
  


• 1 tbsp butter
  
  


• 8 eggs, lightly beaten
  
  


• 2 cups shredded cheese, (half mozzarella, half cheddar)
  
  


• 1½ cups low fat milk
  
  

Preparation:

• Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
  
  


• Toast pie crusts in oven for about 10 minutes.
  
  


• Sauté cauliflower and leeks in butter until soft.
  
  


• Blend eggs, milk and cheese together until blended.
  
  


• Sprinkle a thin layer of sautéed cauliflower and leeks onto bottom of toasted pie crusts.
  
  


• Pour eggs and cheese mixture over cauliflower and leeks.
  
  


• Bake in oven until knife inserted near center comes out clean (about 30 to 35 minutes).
  
  

Make 12 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(1/6 of recipe (119 g)): 247 Calories, 11 g Protein, 14 g carbohydrates, 1 g Dietary Fiber, 16 g fat, 6 g saturated fat, 145 mg cholesterol, 310 mg sodium

Food Reward: a Dominant Factor in Obesity, Part I

A Curious Finding

It all started with one little sentence buried in a paper about obese rats. I was reading about how rats become obese when they're given chocolate Ensure, the "meal replacement drink", when I came across this:

...neither [obesity-prone] nor [obesity-resistant] rats will overeat on either vanilla- or strawberry-flavored Ensure.

The only meaningful difference between chocolate, vanilla and strawberry Ensure is the flavor, yet rats eating the chocolate variety overate, rapidly gained fat and became metabolically ill, while rats eating the other flavors didn't (1). Furthermore, the study suggested that the food's flavor determined, in part, what amount of fatness the rats' bodies "defended."

As I explained in previous posts, the human (and rodent) brain regulates the amount of fat the body carries, in a manner similar to how the brain regulates blood pressure, body temperature, blood oxygenation and blood pH (2). That fact, in addition to several other lines of evidence, suggests that obesity probably results from a change in this regulatory system. I refer to the amount of body fat that the brain defends as the "body fat setpoint", however it's clear that the setpoint is dependent on diet and lifestyle factors. The implication of this paper that I could not escape is that a food's flavor influences body fatness and probably the body fat setpoint.

An Introduction to Food Reward

The brain contains a sophisticated system that assigns a value judgment to everything we experience, integrating a vast amount of information into a one-dimensional rating system that labels things from awesome to terrible. This is the system that decides whether we should seek out a particular experience, or avoid it. For example, if you burn yourself each time you touch the burner on your stove, your brain will label that action as bad and it will discourage you from touching it again. On the other hand, if you feel good every time you're cold and put on a sweater, your brain will encourage that behavior. In the psychology literature, this phenomenon is called "reward," and it's critical to survival.

The brain assigns reward to, and seeks out, experiences that it perceives as positive, and discourages behaviors that it views as threatening. Drugs of abuse plug directly into reward pathways, bypassing the external routes that would typically trigger reward. Although this system has been studied most in the context of drug addiction, it evolved to deal with natural environmental stimuli, not drugs.

As food is one of the most important elements of survival, the brain's reward system is highly attuned to food's rewarding properties. The brain uses input from smell, taste, touch, social cues, and numerous signals from the digestive tract* to assign a reward value to foods. Experiments in rats and humans have outlined some of the qualities of food that are inherently rewarding:

• Fat
• Starch
• Sugar
• Salt
• Meatiness (glutamate)
• The absence of bitterness
  
• Certain textures (e.g., soft or liquid calories, crunchy foods)
• Certain aromas (e.g., esters found in many fruits)
• Calorie density ("heavy" food)
  

We are generally born liking the qualities listed above, and aromas and flavors that are associated with these qualities become rewarding over time. For example, beer tastes terrible the first time you drink it because it's bitter, but after you drink it a few times and your brain catches wind that there are calories and a drug in there, it often begins tasting good. The same applies to many vegetables. Children are generally not fond of vegetables, but if you serve them spinach smothered in butter enough times, they'll learn to like it by the time they're adults.

The human brain evolved to deal with a certain range of rewarding experiences. It didn't evolve to constructively manage strong drugs of abuse such as heroin and crack cocaine, which overstimulate reward pathways, leading to the pathological drug seeking behaviors that characterize addiction. These drugs are "superstimuli" that exceed our reward system's normal operating parameters. Over the next few posts, I'll try to convince you that in a similar manner, industrially processed food, which has been professionally crafted to maximize its rewarding properties, is a superstimulus that exceeds the brain's normal operating parameters, leading to an increase in body fatness and other negative consequences.


* Nerves measure stomach distension. A number of of gut-derived paracrine and endocrine signals, including CCK, PYY, ghrelin, GLP-1 and many others potentially participate in food reward sensing, some by acting directly on the brain via the circulation, and others by signaling indirectly via the vagus nerve. More on this later.

Grilled Tuna Steaks

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 4 tuna steaks (4 oz. each)
  
  


• 2 tbsp reduced sodium soy sauce
  
  


• 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
  
  


• 1 tsp sugar
  
  


• 1 tsp whole-grain mustard
  
  


• 1 tbsp vegetable oil
  
  


• parsley for garnish, chopped (optional)
  
  


• lemon wedges (optional)
  
  

Preparation:

• Place tuna in a shallow dish in a single layer.
  
  


• Whisk together the soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, sugar, mustard, and vegetable oil in a small-sized bowl until combined.
  
  


• Pour marinde over tuna and gently turn steaks until well-coated on each side. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes up to 2 hours.
  
  


• Prepare grill.
  
  


• Remove tuna and reserve marinade for basting. Grill tuna for about 10 to 15 minutes, turning once and basting often with reserved marinade.
  
  


• Serve steaks with lemon wedges and garnished with parsley.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (131 g)): 162 Calories, 27 g Protein, 2 g carbohydrates, 0 g Dietary Fiber, 5 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 51 mg cholesterol, 417 mg sodium

Life is precious

I have a friend whose diet was impeccable and taught yoga.  She was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside, always fashionable with a bright smile.  Her lifestyle was the epitome of health and someone I looked up to as an example.  You can imagine my surprise when she unexpectedly passed away this week at  age 49 from cancer.  She was by far, the healthiest woman I know and now she's gone.

A question that crossed my mind was, "Why put forth all the efforts to be healthy if you could die early anyway?"   I mean, if you are going to get a life threatening illness young, why spend all that time checking labels, chopping produce and searching for tasty and healthy recipes so you can live longer? I felt a little guilty when I entertained that thought for a few moments longer than I should, but after talking to others, I found that it was a pretty common thought.

So what is the answer? It's simple. If I was currently diagnosed with a life threatening illness, I would beat myself up. "Why didn't I eat better? Why didn't I workout harder? Why didn't I just DO better? I do pretty good, but I admit I could do a whole lot better! As for my friend, I really doubt if she berated herself with such questions. What peace that would be, knowing I did everything on my end, in the face of such heart breaking news.

I know everything in life happens for a reason, I honestly do.  I also know that there are consequences for every action taken.  More often than not, our lifestyles determine the quality of life we live and if we do our best in our health efforts, we will be rewarded.  Even with heart breaking news, if a life is lived to the best of our ability, we can still have peace.

Grilled Pork Chops with Grape and Fig Chutney

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• ½ cup onion, chopped
  
  


• ½ cup dried figs, chopped
  
  


• ½ cup red wine vinegar
  
  


• ¼ cup dry red wine
  
  


• 1 tbsp sugar
  
  


• 2 tsp paprika
  
  


• 1 tsp peeled and grated fresh ginger
  
  


• 1 3 inches cinnamon stick
  
  


• 1½ cups seedless red grapes, halved
  
  


• 4 medium sized pork chops
  
  


• 2 tsp olive oil
  
  


• Salt and pepper, to taste
  
  

Preparation:

• Prepare grill.
  
  


• Combine onion, dried figs, red wine vinegar, dry red wine, sugar, paprika, ginger and cinnamon stick in a medium saucepan and heat to medium-high heat. Bring to a boil and cook, uncovered for about 8 to 10 minutes. Stir in grapes and reduce heat and simmer for about 20 minutes then remove and discard cinnamon stick.
  
  


• Brush pork chops with olive oil then sprinkle with salt and pepper. Grill on both sides until done.
  
  


• Serve chops with grape and fig chutney.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (253 g)): 297 Calories, 23 g Protein, 34 g carbohydrates, 4 g Dietary Fiber, 8 g fat, 2 g saturated fat, 62 mg cholesterol, 71 mg sodium

I do NOT like this book

The book
I'm on chapter two of A Course in Weight Loss, 21 Spiritual lessons for surrendering your weight forever, by Marianne Williamson. I wonder, exactly what does "surrendering your weight forever" mean?

I've decided this book is a bunch of crap. Lesson two is even more stupid than lesson one. It's titled Thin You, Meet Not-Thin You. I got about four pages into this lesson and realized I don't like this author.

Marianne talks about Divine Mind, and "One in Whose hands it will dissolve forever". Seriously? Sounds kind of Harry Potter-ish to me. If she's talking about God then why doesn't she just say "God"?

When I read "Fat cells will dissolve permanently when they are dissolved through the power of love." I almost couldn't stop laughing. That's news to me. I thought those little guys were with me for life. I knew they could shrink, but I didn't know a little love could get rid of them.

I'm sure she was speaking figuratively and not literally, but so much of her writing is like a puzzle. It sounds nice but it doesn't make any sense.

Lesson one, tearing down the wall, which involved looking at the darkness in my life, was a terrible exercise. Dredging up old grievances and sadness in my life did nothing for my soul. Examining them in detail was horribly depressing.

This is by far the worst weight loss book I've ever read in my life, and I've read a lot of them.

After reading this book for a few days, I remembered buying another Marianne Williamson book several years ago. I had totally forgotten about that book. I can't remember the name of it. That was when I respected Oprah and she was promoting it at the time. I hated that book. In fact, that's when I was very involved with my church, reading the Bible daily, and of course, daily prayer. I found Marianne's writing offensive, and I still do.

I think there might be some value in this book. Sadly, so much of it is New Age garbage that you have to try to weed through to get to anything worthwhile, I really don't think it has much overall value.

I did a little research on Marianne last night and found an interview she did several years ago. Personally, I think she's a little crazy. Sure, we're all a little bit crazy, but most of us aren't out there selling our brand of crazy to the masses.

Buyer beware

And life goes on
It's only Tuesday but yesterday was long! After a couple of sleepless nights over the weekend (thanks to that damn book), I awoke exhausted on Monday morning. I felt like I hadn't slept all weekend. I managed to drag myself to the gym, but my heart wasn't in it.

Saturday I had done a new upper body workout that killed my triceps, biceps and deltoids. My arms are still very sore. After purchasing a great new magazine that I totally love, "Muscle and Fitness hers", I read about doing supersets or compound sets. I remember doing these years ago, but had forgot all about them.

You pick two or three exercises for one body part and then you complete one set of one exercise and go immediately into the next one, alternating until you complete all sets. Compound sets are a great way to get better results in less time, stimulating muscle growth while also bumping up fat loss. I also found it a lot less boring.

After the gym I only had a half day of work because I had a dentist appointment. I go three times a year for a cleaning, but this wasn't a normal visit. It was to "look at my crown". I had a crown put on a molar three years when my dentist saw a "shadow" in the x-ray. I had no pain in that tooth but he convinced me I needed a crown, which resulted in three years of cold sensitivity and often pain.

The "looking at my crown" turned into a two-hour root canal. My dentist is a "pain-free" dentist and I didn't feel any pain, other than sitting there for two hours while he drilled, prodded, poked, drilled some more, more poking and prodding and more drilling. I had my iPod cranked up but I had no idea it was going to be two freaking hours in that chair.

I was on nitrous oxide the entire time so I was in happy land.When I came home I took a Valium he had prescribed because as soon as the numbness wore off I wasn't in happy land anymore. After dinner, a bowl of delicious homemade beef vegetable soup I made in the pressure cooker (my new best friend), I became violently ill. Like I thought I was going to die ill. I couldn't stop throwing up. It was horrible.

I'm not sure what made me so sick. This is the first beef I've eaten in over two years. It was fresh, as well as all the vegetables. Maybe it was a reaction to the Valium, but I've never had that happen before.

At least I'm over it now and I've tested out the crown. I can drink ice water and let it hit that tooth without screeching in pain. I guess it was worth it.

Now, off to the gym. I have some new glute exercises to try (from the magazine - love it!).

One last thing, as my friend Roxie often says....be kind to yourself today (and others). :)

Garlic and Corn Risotto

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 3¾ cups fat-free chicken broth
  
  


• 4 cloves garlic, chopped
  
  


• 1 cup uncooked Arborio or long grain rice
  
  


• 2 cups frozen whole kernel corn
  
  


• ¼ cup low-fat Mozzarella cheese
  
  


• ⅓ cup low-fat Parmesan cheese
  
  


• ¼ cup fresh parsley or cilantro, chopped
  
  

Preparation:

• In a large saucepan, bring ⅓ cups of the broth to boil. Add garlic, cook for about 1 minute, stirring occasionally.
  
  


• Stir in rice and corn then cook for about 1 minute.
  
  


• Add remaining broth and bring to a boil then reduce heat to medium-heat. Cook uncovered until rice is tender and creamy (about 15 to 20 minutes), stirring often to absorb liquid.
  
  


• Remove from heat then add Parmesan cheese, Mozzarella cheese and parsley.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (372 g)): 339 Calories, 16 g Protein, 56 g carbohydrates, 3 g Dietary Fiber, 6 g fat, 3 g saturated fat, 10 mg cholesterol, 10 mg sodium

Grilled Tofu and Mushroom Brochettes

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 12 oz. white button mushrooms
  
  


• 10 (½oz.) package of firm beancurd (tofu)
  
  


• 4 tbsp white wine vinegar
  
  


• 3 tbsp olive oil
  
  


• 1 lemon
  
  


• 1 garlic clove, crushed
  
  


• 1 tbsp fresh rosemary, chopped
  
  


• 1 tbsp cilantro, chopped
  
  


• 1 tbsp fresh basil, chopped
  
  


• Salt and pepper, to taste
  
  

Preparation:

• Wash outside of lemon thoroughly with warm water and soap. Pat dry then grate peel and set aside. In a medium bowl, slice lemon in half and squeeze out juice.
  
  


• Add the garlic, olive oil, white wine vinegar and chopped herbs with the lemon juice and mix well. Add salt and pepper to taste.
  
  


• Using a damp cloth, clean mushrooms and remove any excess soil. Slice mushrooms in half and set aside.
  
  


• Using a sharp knife, slice the tofu into medium chunks. Thread tofu alternated with sliced mushrooms onto metal or wood skewers. Place brochettes into a shallow pan and pour the lemon-herb marinade over the skewers, coating evenly. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for about 1-2 hours.
  
  


• Prepare grill.
  
  


• Remove brochettes and set aside marinade for basting. Cook brochettes over a hot grill, brushing often with the reserved marinade until cooked through (about 6 minutes).
  
  


• Serve with an extra sprinkling of chopped fresh herbs and lemon wedges.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (200 g)): 164 Calories, 8 g Protein, 8 g carbohydrates, 2 g Dietary Fiber, 12 g fat, 2 g saturated fat, 0 mg cholesterol, 31 mg sodium

It should be called: A course in pain

Last night, after my husband was asleep and the house was quiet, I sat down with my book, A Course in Weight Loss. I was determined to tackle chapter one, tearing down the wall. The wall being all the things that are stopping me from losing weight.

With a heavy heart and a feeling of dread, I picked four words that reflected emotions or feelings that I I feel very strongly. I chose the ones that were the most important to me. Ironically, they were the first four words in the list of twenty-six.

My choices were:  Shame, Anger, Fear, Unforgiveness.

I sat at my computer and went conscious (versus going unconscious). I wrote out everything I could about those feelings. I cried. I felt sad. I remembered some things about my past that I had forgotten and had put away because they were too painful to deal with. According to lesson one, I need to deal with them now in order to lose weight.

The most powerful emotion in my list is Anger. The anger I hold in my heart stems from something that happened Easter weekend seventeen years ago. It was 1994. My husband and I had been married five and half years. We had married in 1988, the first time for both us, and both of us 33 years old. Both of us were very set in our ways.

Looking from the outside in, we appeared to have same the same values and were very much alike. We seemed perfect for each other. Looking from the inside, we were, and still are, very different.

What happened on Easter weekend in 1994 is a source of great pain for me. My husband left me, for three years. He moved out of our home. He didn't even tell me he was leaving. We hadn't discussed separation or divorce, although we had been arguing continually over everything. He just didn't come home from work on a Friday night, Good Friday 1994.

All weekend I had no idea what had happened to him. This was before cell phones. I found out later he had spent the weekend with a friend, a female that I didn't know. He claimed they were just friends, but after examining our phone records where I saw he had spent hours on the phone with her while I was at work, I was sure they were more than "just" friends.

When he came home early Monday morning, the day after Easter, he said he was moving out. I asked him why, he said he couldn't live with me any longer. It was too stressful, I was too "difficult" to live with and he couldn't talk to me. I asked him where he was going and he simply said he didn't know for sure. I asked if he wanted a divorce, and he said he didn't know.

He came back that evening and packed up his suitcases and left. I remember begging him not to leave me. I asked if we could try marriage counseling. He said no. I asked him how we could work on our problems if we weren't even living together. He simply said he had to leave.

We barely spoke for the next six months. I can't even begin to tell you the pain I went through during those six months. To add insult to injury I was the heaviest I had ever been in my entire life, 200 pounds. During the next year I managed to gain another thirty pounds and my weight shot up to 230. I thought that was probably part of the reason he left me. He was thin, a runner, lifted weights and he was very physically fit. I was fat and forty and now I was alone. I knew I'd be alone the rest of my life.

I remember many nights of weeping, curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor. Dramatic? I guess, but I remember feeling like I was dying of a broken heart.For some reason curling up in a ball on the bathroom floor seemed to calm me. I cried the hardest I had ever cried in my life.

During the three years we were separated I filed for divorce twice. Both times he talked me out of it. Sometimes I wonder how much different both of our lives would be now if I would have followed through on a divorce. Would it be better for both of us, or would it be worse.

The second time I filed for divorce, I was dead set on following through iwth it. We'd been separated three years, and I had lost over 100 pounds. I weighed 126 and was happy and very self-confident. Even though I was 42, I was getting a lot of attention from men. I wanted to date, to fall in love again and live my life, but I was still married. If my husband didn't want me, I wanted a chance to find someone else.

As we sat outside the courtroom for the second time, waiting to go before the judge to tell him that yes, we wanted a divorce, my husband pleaded with me for another chance. He said he could tell I'd changed and he loved me and wanted to make our marriage work. That was August 1997. I thought it was what I wanted at the time. Sometimes, I'm not  sure I made the right decision.

I'm still angry at my husband over what happened seventeen years ago. I'm angry not only that he walked out, but I'm angry how he handled it. To this day I can't believe he did something so incredibly cruel and heartless.

We've discussed it over and over, and even though he says he's sorry that I feel this way, he still says he did what he had to do. To this day he denies there was anyone else.

According to lesson one, the last section is called "Reflection and Prayer". Supposedly you hand these problems over to God, and He will help you understand and feel the pain. Once this happens the pain will disappear. I feel the pain, I understand it, now I'm waiting for the "disappear" part.

Grilled Lemongrass Beef

(makes 8 servings)

Ingredients:

• 2 pounds sirloin tip, cut in ⅛" thick slices
  
  


• ½ cup peeled fresh lemongrass, chopped
  
  


• ⅓ cup shallots, chopped
  
  


• 2 tbsp Vietnamese fish sauce (otherwise known as "Nam pla")
  
  


• 2 serrano chiles, seeded and chopped
  
  


• 1½ tbsp sugar
  
  


• 2 tsp vegetable oil
  
  


• 6 garlic cloves, smashed
  
  


• Low-fat cooking spray
  
  

Preparation:

• Combine lemongrass, shallots, fish sauce, sugar, vegetable oil, salt, garlic and serrano chiles in a food processor. Process until smooth (about 1 minute).
  
  


• Add beef and lemongrass mixture and stir to coat evenly in a small bowl. Cover bowl with plastic wrap and marinate in the refrigerator for 2 to 3 hours.
  
  


• Prepare grill.
  
  


• Remove beef from bowl and discard extra marinade. Spray coat the grill with low-fat cooking spray then grill the beef on each side until desired doneness (about 1 minute).
  
  

Make 8 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(⅛ of recipe (136 g)): 253 Calories, 36 g Protein, 5 g carbohydrates, 0 g Dietary Fiber, 9 g fat, 3 g saturated fat, 104 mg cholesterol, 417 mg sodium

I made a deal with the devil

Well, the deal isn't actually with the devil, but with Marianne Williamson.

First, the bike ride
I just finished my first bike ride of the spring. I rode once last February when we had a sort of nice day, but today the weather was perfect. Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE bike riding? It's my favorite way to get in my cardio, and according to my heart rate monitor I burned 550 calories just bike riding (it's only eight miles but very hilly).

I stopped at the gym on my return and completed a full hour of upper body weights doing a new routine. I found a DVD I purchased about three years ago but never watched until this morning. I watched it and wrote down the exercise to do at the gym. I work out better there than I do at home. The routine uses dumbbells only, nine exercises, three sets of 15 reps, three exercises each for deltoids, triceps and biceps. It took me the entire hour plus to finish the routine and my arms ache now. Then I rode my bike home. I was/am exhausted!

Biking is at at least a hundred times more fun than any of the boring gym cardio equipment. The fresh air and sunshine does wonders for the soul. Yes, I said SUNSHINE! In Seattle! With a balmy 64 degrees. It's a little piece of heaven on earth when the sun shines here.

The deal
Now about my deal with the devil. When I purchased Marianne Williamson's "A Course In Weight Loss" I made a promise to myself that I would read the entire book and give it a chance. I buy a lot of weight loss books and as you can tell from reading my blog, none of them have really helped me. Probably because I never really give them a chance.

Honestly, I don't like this book very much (it's a bit too Zen-Buddhist/new age for me) . I'm still on lesson one. It's called Tear Down the Wall.

This is what Marianne says on page 20:

Your first lesson focuses on the following visualization:  the image of excess weight as a brick wall you are carrying around. This wall has been built by your subconscious mind; its purpose is to separate you from other people and from life itself. Your fear has built the wall, and love will tear it down.

Looking closely, you see that every brick has something written on it:

A few of the words (she actually lists 26 words, but you get the idea):


Shame
Anger
Fear
Forgiveness
Judgement

You select the words that you can relate to, that you have in your past. She says: by allowing yourself to look and to feel, you will ultimately understand. This is a meaningful opportunity to see your light, by being courageous enough to look at your darkness.

She has a paragraph for each word, and you're suppose to fill in the blank for the words that apply to you.  For example:

Shame:  I am ashamed of ________________________________________.
Perhaps you acted foolishly, and cringe to think that other people still remember...
Do not go unconscious. Write it all out.

I sort of like the "Do not go unconscious" part since I do that a lot when it comes to bad feelings or sad emotions. I'd prefer not to think about them. Perhaps this is my problem.

This is a very painful exercise and not one I'm enjoying. However, I'm determined to follow through on this course, regardless of the bad memories it's dredging up from my past.

Funny but true, I'm not an Oprah fan in the least and the book is dedicated to Oprah. Cracked me up. 

My Weight
I missed Weight Watchers this morning. I just couldn't seem to get going in time to make my 11:15am meeting (I was still in my PJs!). I weighed at home and was a little upset by what I saw. 187.4. Not good. I'm trying hard to not beat myself up about this, but to just get back on track.

My plan for this week is to track everything I eat with eTools, follow portion control (two cups of frozen cherries is not a portion nor is eight ounces of chicken breast). I also want to follow the healthy eating guidelines as closely as possible.

I'm feeling pretty positive at the moment, but I'm also afraid as soon as I delve back into that book I'm going to be sad again. Do you really think you have to look at the darkness to see the light? That just doesn't make a lot of sense.

Grilled Jalapeno Lime Chicken

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 1 lb. boneless and skinless chicken breast halves
  
  


• 1 tbsp olive oil
  
  


• 1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and diced
  
  


• 1 tsp grated lime peel
  
  


• 1 tbsp fresh lime juice
  
  


• 1 tsp ground cumin
  
  


• 3 cloves garlic, minced
  
  


• ¼ tsp ground black pepper
  
  


• ¼ tsp salt
  
  


• Non-fat cooking spray
  
  

Preparation:

• Prepare grill.
  
  


• Combine oil, lime peel, lime juice, jalapeño pepper, cumin, garlic, salt and pepper in a large resealable plastic bag.
  
  


• Place chicken in bag. Squeeze out excess air then seal tightly. Turn bag to coat chicken on all sides then chill in refrigerator for at least ½ hour to marinate.
  
  


• Remove chicken and discard bag with marinade.


• Place chicken on grill for about 12 to 15 minutes or until cooked through and internal temperature in thickest part of chicken is at least 165 degrees F then serve immediately.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (127 g)): 160 Calories, 26 g Protein, 1 g carbohydrates, 0 g Dietary Fiber, 5 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 66 mg cholesterol, 220 mg sodium

My Latest Distraction

Lately, my workouts haven't been what I would like them to be.  When I go for 30 minutes, I get an awesome sweat going and I feel accomplished. I typically try for that time, but sometimes, I just don't make it. This usually happens when I get on the machine late and I'm tired.

A week or so ago, my kids were telling me about a new game they found on the computer.  It's called Plants verses Zombies. The name sounded ridiculous to me, but they were having so much fun and kept telling me I needed to look at it.  So I thought I would try it.  As it would so happen, I enjoyed the game.

When I hopped onto the elliptical earlier this week, I just didn't feel like reading or tweeting or doing what I usually do while exercising. I admit, I get bored sometimes... many times.  Sooo, what better time than to upload the game to my phone and play a few rounds. After what seemed like 10 minutes, the machine beeped that I was done with my 30 minute workout. I was shocked, but I wasn't done with the round, so I kept going.  15 minutes later, after all the zombies were dead, I hopped off feeling accomplished. I was dripping sweat and had finished a 45 minute workout that only felt like 10. :)

Find something you enjoy when you exercise, find a few things actually and switch it up.  Keep yourself entertained and you'll get a great workout every time!

You can play a few rounds of Plants vs Zombies online for free. Try not to get hooked...unless you can keep it for workout time. ;)  iPhone app: Plants vs Zombies.

rar

small roar.

Like what a lion would do if someone said to a sad lion in a cage "GROWL SUCKER!"

rar.

Like... um, yeah.

Feeling a tad shit. No real reason, just the usual. Weightloss about 100g a month so pretty rubbish.

"The right way though" I hear you say.

Yeah, it's the right way. Hopefully by April 2036 I will be at goal. Who knows. Seems a little far off if ya know what I mean.

Do you know what I mean?

I just keep rolling that "4 years maaaaannnn" over in my head and feeling like a failure. No, not a failure, like I was failed. I feel cheated again and miserable.

*Massive sigh*.

On a positive note, having a fill tomorrow. Cant freaking afford it at all, but what the heck.

Just so you know how much I can eat, at breakfast time, with a band... check this out:

Do I feel guilty? Hell yeah!!! I should not be able to eat this shit. The only plus is that it was 100% homemade, organic everything and the bread was my own too. Yeah, I know - doesn't matter a fig does it.

Hence the fill... I am thinking 0.25ml...

I need a boost. And quick.

Grilled Halibut with Jicama Salsa

(makes 6 servings)

Ingredients for jicama salsa:

• 2 cups peeled and chopped jicama
  
  


• 1 tbsp fresh cilantro, chopped
  
  


• 1 tbsp lime juice
  
  


• 1½ tsp chili powder
  
  


• ¼ tsp salt
  
  


• 1 cucumber, peeled and chopped
  
  


• 1 orange, peeled and chopped
  
  

Basic ingredients:

• 2 tbsp olive oil
  
  


• 2 tbsp fresh lime juice
  
  


• ½ tsp dried thyme
  
  


• ½ tsp dried basil
  
  


• ⅛ tsp dried rosemary
  
  


• 6 (6 oz.) halibut filets
  
  

Preparation:

• In a large-sized bowl Mix all jicama salsa ingredients, cover and refrigerate for about 2 hours.
  
  


• In a large shallow glass baking dish, place fish filets. Whisk together oil, lime juice, and herbs. Pour marinade over fish, cover, and refrigerate 2-4 hours.
  
  


• Preheat grill.
  
  


• Oil grilling rack, and adjust height to between 4” – 6” from heat. Remove fish from marinade, and place on grill.


• Cook until fish flakes with a fork (about 10 minutes per inch of thickness).
  
  


• Turn once to brown both sides. Serve fish with jicama salsa.
  
  

Make 6 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(1/6 of recipe (302 g)): 264 Calories, 36 g Protein, 9 g carbohydrates, 3 g Dietary Fiber, 9 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 54 mg cholesterol, 192 mg sodium

Grilled Beef Satay with Peanut Sauce

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 1¼ pounds flank steak
  
  


• ½ tsp (divided) hot pepper sauce (such as Tabasco sauce)
  
  


• ⅓cup light teriyaki sauce
  
  


• 4 green onions, sliced in 1” pieces
  
  


• 2 tbsp reduced-fat peanut butter
  
  


• 1 red bell pepper, seeded and cut into small-sized pieces
  
  


• 3 tbsp water
  
  

Preparation:

• Prepare grill.
  
  


• Trim excess fat from steak and thinly slice diagonally across the grain.
  
  


• Prepare marinade: Combine teriyaki sauce and ¼ tsp hot pepper sauce in a medium bowl. Add the steak slices and stir to coat evenly. Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes.
  
  


• Thread steak slices in accordion style on skewers then alternate with green onions and bell pepper. Reserve marinade.
  
  


• Grill skewers until steak is slightly pink in the middle.
  
  


• Combine peanut butter, water, ¼ tsp hot pepper sauce and 2 tbsp of the reserved marinade in a small-sized saucepan. Heat to medium-high heat and cook until heated through.
  
  


• Remove steak and vegetables from skewers and serve with peanut sauce.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (217 g)): 297 Calories, 33 g Protein, 8 g carbohydrates, 1 g Dietary Fiber, 15 g fat, 5 g saturated fat, 71 mg cholesterol, 975 mg sodium

Learning to love....myself

Since I didn't feel very good this morning, I decided to stay home from work today. Instead, I curled up in front of the TV where I discovered Ruby on Netflix. I had a Ruby marathon. I've never watched her show. I spent three hours watching Ruby and her weight struggles, and reading weight loss blogs.  It was a perfect day.

Around 3pm I decided I'd better go to the gym. Watching Ruby kind of scared me. Ruby and I have too much in common. I can see how I could easily slip into my old lifestyle, eating poorly and not exercising daily.

After the gym I went to Barnes and Noble. I had to have the 4HB book right now. 4HB is The 4-Hour Body: An Uncommon Guide to Rapid Fat-Loss, Incredible Sex, and Becoming Superhuman. I know, silly title, but a few people have recommended it and it seems to be working for them. I thought maybe something new would work for me since I've been struggling for the last several months.

The 4HB book is a huge hardback, very thick and very large. I glanced through it, looking at the graphs and charts, skimming through the book, reading a few sentences here and there. Then I stood there and stared at all those weight loss books. There are several shelves of this type of book, each one promising a miracle. I recognized several of them since I already own them, some I've read, some I've started but never finished.

As I held the 4HB book in my hands, I thought, do I really need this? Is this the book that will fix me? I didn't like some of the things I read. It sounded really restrictive, with a cheat day. I've never been good with a cheat day. I just don't like the idea of throwing away a week's worth of work to cheat on one day.

Then a book caught my eye. "A Course In Weight Loss". Then I saw the author's name and almost didn't even pull the book off the shelf. It's by Marianne Williamson. I saw her years ago on Oprah. I had an immediate dislike for her new age religion mumbo jumbo. Actually, I often have a dislike for someone that Oprah gushes over and promotes. I'm sure Oprah is a nice person in real life, but honestly, sometimes she annoys me on her TV show.

I opened the book and realized I had looked at it before, and didn't purchase it because of the author. I flipped the book open to page 93 and read the following:

Lesson 7:  Love Your Body


Love, and love only, produces miracles. Your primary work in doing this course is to identify where there is a lack of love in your life, and be willing to address it.


That includes your love of self, and your body is part of who you are If you love your body when you're thin but hate it when you're not, then you love yourself conditionally, which is not love at all. If you can't love your body, you can't really love yourself.


"But how can I love my body when I hate the way it looks?" you might ask.


Begin by asking yourself:  What are you hating your body for?  For being overweight? It didn't do this to you; you did this to it! You haven't been abused by your body; your body has been abused by you. And yet, unlike you, it has continued to hold up its side of the relationship. It has continued to function as best it can, even though you have made it harder. It has borne excess pounds, even though it has been a burden to do so. And it has continued to support you, even though you have often failed to support it.

Is it your body you hate, or its size? And since all negative emotions derive from fear, if you hate your body, you must fear something. What is that? Do you fear ridicule? Or is your deeper fear--one that overrides your fear of being overweight--a fear that you'll be punished if you try to "play big" in life? Again, what are you afraid of?

I was hooked. It was like she was speaking directly to me. I know I need to learn how to love myself right now. Not when I lose another thirty or forty pounds, but right now, as I am this very moment. I need to get over the constant hate of myself. What I've been doing isn't working for me. It's not the life I want to live. I want to learn how to love...starting with me.

Why I'm so hard on myself

Originally, the comments were off on this post, but I seriously hate it when someone posts something and I have something to say and can't. Makes me just a bit crazy. So I turned the comments back on, in case there are other nut cases out there like me. :)

I've been thinking about writing this post for a very long time, probably years.

Almost weekly I get a comment on my blog that's basically the same thing, asking me the same questions:  Diana, why are you so hard on yourself? Why don't you love yourself for who you are now?

I get these same comments in my real world too. Well meaning friends often ask me why I'm so negative about myself, why I'm continually putting myself down, beating myself up over my weight as well as many other things. Even when I had lunch with Grace and Roxie in March, Roxie said the same thing to me (said with compassion).

I know these comments and questions about how I don't value myself are said from the heart and meant to help me. For some reason that I can't explain, I find them hurtful. I usually immediately get defensive and almost always want to cry because I know it's true. I know it's really stupid to feel hurt, and it doesn't make any sense to anyone except to me.

It's feels like in addition to being fat, stupid, and ugly, now I have a personality flaw:  I don't value myself.

I realize that people who say these things to me don't really mean it as an insult, they're merely trying to help me and boost my self-confidence. I hold nothing against anyone who has made these types of comments or asked these questions. If anything, I know you're compassionate and caring.

I really wish I knew why I feel this way about myself. I guess I just don't see what other people see. I look at pictures of myself or look in the mirror or even look at my soul. I don't see anyone worthwhile or attractive or even healthy. I see a fat, middle-aged woman barely hanging on.

I know this is something I need to work on, just not today.

Greek Tostada

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 1 tbsp olive oil or vegetable oil
  
  


• 1 tsp fresh lemon juice
  
  


• ¼ tsp paprika
  
  


• Dash salt
  
  


• Dash freshly ground pepper
  
  


• 4 medium, skinless and boneless chicken breasts
  
  


• 2 whole wheat pita bread rounds (4” diameter), split and toasted
  
  


• ¾ cup tomato, coarsely chopped
  
  


• ½ cup cucumber, chopped
  
  


• ½ red onion, chopped
  
  


• ⅓ cup crumbled feta cheese
  
  

Hummus ingredients:

• 1 (15 oz.) can garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed
  
  


• ½ cup fresh cilantro, chopped
  
  


• 3 tbsp fresh lemon juice
  
  


• 3 tbsp water
  
  


• 2 cloves garlic, peeled and chopped
  
  


• ⅛ tsp salt
  
  

Preparation:

• Combine oil, lemon juice, paprika, salt and pepper in a small bowl.
  
  


• Place chicken in broiler pan and brush each side with the oil mixture. Broil chicken about 4“ from heat until meat is tender and no longer pink (about 10 minutes), turning once. Cool chicken slightly then coarsely chop.
  
  


• Make the hummus: Combine all hummus ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth.
  
  


• To serve, spread hummus over toasted pita halves and top with chicken, tomato, cucumber, red onions and feta cheese.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (325 g)): 436 Calories, 4 g Protein, 46 g carbohydrates, 9 g Dietary Fiber, 1 g fat, 3 g saturated fat, 79 mg cholesterol, 683 mg sodium

I want to write a good post, I really do

I had a plan for a thoughtful post tonight, based around a really kind and sweet comment I received yesterday (thank you Rebecca!).

I had an exhausting two days sitting in a training class where I was bored out of my mind. For some reason, that just wore me out and now I just want to sleep.

In addition, my lower back and is killing me, and it's because of a new exercise I tried yesterday. The inch worm. It looked simple in the book. Just stand up, feet flat on the floor, shoulder width, and bend over from your waist. Put your palms flat on the floor in front of your feet. Don't bend your knees. Walk out your hands (right, left, right, etc.), until you're in a full pushup position but walk your hands out even further out i front of you, then walk your hands back until you're bent at the waist again. Sounds really easy, right?

The guy in the video isn't really doing it correctly because he's bending his knees, they're suppose to be straight, but you get the idea. I only did six reps but thought I was going to die. It's suppose to be for your abs, so I must have been doing it wrong because it's my back that hurts.



My lower back is in total agony from this exercise. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I guess I pulled something or used a muscle I didn't know I had back there. Anyway, I don't think I like this exercise.

I'm going to do some stretches, take a couple aspirin and go to bed. Thoughtful post tomorrow. :)

Ginger Garlic Beef

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 8 ounces lean top round steak
  
  


• ½ cup reduced sodium beef broth
  
  


• 3 tbsp reduced sodium soy sauce
  
  


• 3 cups fresh broccoli florets
  
  


• 2½ tsp cornstarch
  
  


• 4 green onions, sliced in 1” pieces
  
  


• 1 tbsp vegetable oil or olive oil
  
  


• 1 tsp grated fresh ginger
  
  


• 1 clove garlic, smashed
  
  


• 1 cup sliced mushrooms
  
  


• 1 tsp sugar
  
  


• Low-fat cooking spray
  
  

Preparation:

• Wrap steak in plastic wrap then place in a freezer for about 30 minutes to partially freeze to make it easier to slice.
  
  


• Trim off any excess fat then thinly slice beef into small pieces.
  
  


• Whisk together the soy sauce, ginger, sugar, cornstarch and garlic in a small bowl, set aside.
  
  


• Spray a large-sized skillet with low-fat cooking spray then heat to medium-high heat. Add broccoli, mushrooms and green onions, stir-fry until broccoli is crisp-tender (about 4 minutes). Remove vegetables from skillet and set aside.
  
  


• Add beef to skillet and stir-fry for 3 minutes or until browned on both sides. Stir in the soy sauce mixture then cook until thickened and bubbling. Add vegetables into skillet and stir together until heated through then serve warm.
  
  

Tip: Serve over cooked rice or Asian noodles.

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (194 g)): 153 Calories, 17 g Protein, 9 g carbohydrates, 1 g Dietary Fiber, 6 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 32 mg cholesterol, 513 mg sodium

Garlic Shrimp with Noodles

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 1 tbsp vegetable oil or olive oil
  
  


• 3 cloves garlic, peeled and chopped
  
  


• 1 lb. uncooked shrimp, peeled and de-veined
  
  


• ⅔ cup shredded carrot
  
  


• 2 tbsp cilantro, chopped
  
  


• 16 oz. egg noodles
  
  


• Pepper and Salt to taste
  
  

Preparation:

• Cook the noodles according to package directions, drain, set aside.
  
  


• In a medium skillet, heat oil to medium-high heat.
  
  


• Add garlic and stir-fry for about 1 minute then add shrimp and stir-fry for about 1-2 minutes.
  
  


• Add shredded carrot and stir-fry until shrimp is pink (about 2-3 minutes) and cooked through.
  
  


• Stir in cilantro, add pepper and salt to taste then serve over cooked noodles.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (137 g)): 162 Calories, 2 g Protein, 4 g carbohydrates, 1 g Dietary Fiber, 6 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 172 mg cholesterol, 175 mg sodium

Learning from my past

Reading some of my old posts from when I started Weight Watchers in 2008 made me realize just how obsessed I was back then on getting to goal. There was no stopping me (so what the hell has happened?).

In five short months I lost 60 pounds. On February 19, 2008 I weighed 239 and on July 7, 2008 I weighed 179. I was down 60 pounds. By February of 2009 I had lost a total of 84 pounds and weighed 154.6. I wasn't obese or even overweight, I had a normal BMI. For about five minutes as my weight starting bouncing up and down for the next two years.

After reading some of my old posts from that first year I saw some huge differences in what I was doing then versus what I'm doing now.

  Tracking what I eat.

Then:  I was fanatical about tracking my food. I weighed and measure EVERYTHING and used the online eTools to keep track.

Now:  I often start out the day with the best intentions to track every bite, but usually by late afternoon I quit tracking. I often don't tack anything after lunch ad get very sloppy about weighing and measuring my food. I guess on portion sizes, which is a huge mistake.

Exercise

Then:  I was a crazy woman about exercise.

Now:  I'm still pretty crazy about exercise. Although reading about my workouts in 2008 versus my workouts now, I was really into trying different routines, new exercises. At the moment I'm in a bit of a rut. I work out on most days, but it's basically always the same routine.

Meetings

Then:  I rarely missed a Weight Watcher meeting.

Now: I seem to continually come up with excuses to skip meetings. I wasn't going to go yesterday (Saturday), but my husband asked me point blank, "why do you keep paying $40 a month and you hardly ever go to a meeting?". I went to the meeting, and I was one of the best meetings I've ever been too.

Blogging

Then:  I read a lot of blogs back then and left comments on those other logs. I had a lot more readers that left comments.. I remember how much so many people there helped me along my path. People were always encouraging and kind.

I posted on my own blog almost every day.

Now:  I have a few faithful folks out there that leave comments, but I haven't been returning the favor like I did in the past. I know how much I appreciate comments, so I'm pretty sure the rest of the bloggers feel the same way. In the blogging world what goes around comes around.

I think about blogging every day, but I often go days without posting anything.

 Enthusiasm

Then:  I had really high hopes for getting to my goal weight. I was excited, and I just knew I'd make it.

Now:  Lately I've been overridden with guilt for gaining weight, and fear that I won't be able to stop the weight gain. My enthusiasm has dwindled to almost nothing.

Goal Setting

Then: I was always setting mini goals for myself and even though I didn't always make them, at least I tried.

Now: I don't set goals, or if I do, I don't even try.

Health Eating Guidelines

Then:  I really paid attention to Weight Watchers Healthy Eating guidelines. I took them seriously.

Now:  I try halfheartedly, but since I don't keep track of my food, I'm obviously not keeping track of the healthy eating guidelines foods (ex. 2 teaspoons of healthy oil, three dairies etc). 

Posting my weekly weighins

Then:  I posted my weight every week.

Now: I almost can't remember the last time I posted an official Weight Watcher weighin.

My self-assessment of where I am now

The last several months I haven't really been trying to lose weight. I feel like I've barely been hanging on.

I know what to do and how to do it. I have a proven track record that shows I'm capable of losing weight. I say I want to lose weight, but I don't make the effort it takes to get there. I know that losing weight takes hard work. Just like most good things in life, you have to work for it. It doesn't just happen.

Basically, I have a lot of work to do. I need to address every one of the items above. Those are the things that worked for me in the past and they can work for me again.

Garden Frittata

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 1 onion, chopped
  
  


• ½ tsp Italian seasoning
  
  


• 1 clove garlic, finely chopped
  
  


• 1 tbsp vegetable oil
  
  


• 2 tomatoes, sliced
  
  


• 6 eggs, lightly beaten
  
  


• 1 (10 oz.) package frozen spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
  
  


• ¼ tsp black pepper
  
  


• ½ tsp salt
  
  


• ½ cup sharp cheddar cheese, grated
  
  

Preparation:

• Saute onion, tomatoes and garlic in oil until tender.
  
  


• Add Italian seasoning, black pepper and salt to the eggs and add to onion mixture.
  
  


• Stir in spinach and cheese.
  
  


• Cover with a tight fitting lid and reduce heat to low.
  
  


• Cook for 15 minutes and check for firmness.
  
  


• Cut into wedges with spatula and serve warm.
  
  

Make 6 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(164 g): 152 Calories, 10 g Protein, 6 g carbohydrates, 2 g Dietary Fiber, 10 g fat, 4 g saturated fat, 197 mg cholesterol, 347 mg sodium

Obesity and the Fluid-in, Fluid-out Therapy for Edema

I recently attended a lecture by Dr. Arya M. Sharma here at the University of Washington. Dr. Sharma is a Canadian clinician who specializes in the treatment of obesity. He gave the UW Science in Medicine lecture, which is a prestigious invited lecture.

He spent a little bit of time pointing out the fallacy behind conventional obesity treatment. He used the analogy of edema, which is an abnormal accumulation of fluid in the body.

Since we know that the amount of fluid contained in the body depends on the amount of fluid entering the body and the amount of fluid leaving the body, the treatment for edema is obvious: drink less, pee more.

Of course, this makes no sense. It doesn't address the underlying cause of edema and it will not help the patient. Yet we apply that exact same logic to fat loss. Since the amount of energy contained in the body (in the form of fat) depends on the amount entering and the amount leaving, the solution is easy: eat less, move more. Well, yes, if you can stick to that program it will cause fat loss. But that's equivalent to telling someone with edema to drink less water. It will cause a loss of fluid, but it won't correct the underlying problem that caused excessive fluid retention in the first place.

For example, if you have edema because your heart isn't pumping effectively (cardiac insufficiency), the heart is the problem that must be addressed. Any other treatment is purely symptomatic and is not a cure.

The same applies to obesity. If you don't correct the alteration in the system that causes an obese person to 'defend' his elevated fat mass against changes*, anything you do is symptomatic treatment and is unlikely to be very effective in the long term. My goal is to develop a method that goes beyond symptomatic treatment and allows the body to naturally return to a lower fat mass. I've been doing a lot of reading and I have a simple new idea that I feel confident in. It also neatly explains the results of a variety of weight loss diets. I've dropped a few hints here and there, but I'll be formally unveiling it in the next couple of months. Stay tuned.


* The body fat homeostasis system. The core element appears to be a negative feedback loop between body fat (via leptin, and insulin to a lesser degree) and the brain (primarily the hypothalamus, but other regions are involved). There are many other elements in the system, but that one seems to set the 'gain' on all the others and guides long-term fat mass homeostasis. The brain is the gatekeeper of both energy intake and energy expenditure, and unconscious processes strongly suggest appropriate levels for both factors according to the brain's perceived homeostatic needs. Those suggestions can be overridden consciously, but it requires a perpetual high degree of discipline, whereas someone who has been lean all her life doesn't require discipline to remain lean because her brain is suggesting behaviors that naturally defend leanness. I know what I'm saying here may seem controversial to some people reading this, because it's contrary to what they've read on the internet or in the popular press, but it's not particularly controversial in my field. In fact, you'll find most of this stuff in general neuroscience textbooks dating back more than 10 years (e.g., Eric Kandel and colleagues, Principles of Neuroscience).

Fried Rice

(makes 6-8 servings)

Ingredients:

• 3 cups cooked brown or white rice
  
  


• 2 eggs, lightly beaten
  
  


• 2 cups fresh vegetables, chopped
  
  


• 1 small onion, minced
  
  


• 2 tsp vegetable oil
  
  


• 1 cup cooked poultry, fish, or meat (optional)
  
  


• 3 tsp soy sauce
  
  

Preparation:

• Heat vegetable oil on medium-high heat in a large-sized pan. Add onion and rice. Stir and cook for about 5 minutes or until onion is soft.
  
  


• Reduce heat to medium and add vegetables and meat to rice mixture.
  
  


• Cook for about 5 to 7 minutes.
  
  


• Spread the mixture out to the sides of the pan, leaving space in the middle for the eggs.
  
  


• Add the eggs, and scramble until cooked firm.
  
  


• Mix the eggs with the rice and vegetables then sprinkle with soy sauce.
  
  

Make 6 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(1/6 of recipe (195 g)): 231 Calories, 1 g Protein, 34 g carbohydrates, 2 g Dietary Fiber, 4 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 82 mg cholesterol, 284 mg sodium

Curried Beef and Rice

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 1 lb. flank steak, trimmed of excess fat
  
  


• ½ cup green onions, chopped
  
  


• 1 clove garlic, finely chopped
  
  


• 2 tbsp curry powder
  
  


• ½ tsp salt
  
  


• 2 tomatoes, chopped
  
  


• 2 cups hot cooked rice
  
  


• ¼ tsp turmeric
  
  


• Low-fat cooking spray
  
  

Preparation:

• Cut steak diagonally across the grain into thin slices.
  
  


• In a large-sized skillet, spray low-fat cooking and heat to medium-high. Add green onions, garlic and sauté for about 2 minutes then add curry powder, turmeric, salt and sauté for about 1 minute.
  
  


• Add steak and sauté until done (about 6 to 7 minutes).
  
  


• Stir in tomatoes and reduce heat to low.
  
  


• Cook until heated through (about 3 minutes) and serve over cooked rice.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (268 g)): 295 Calories, 26 g Protein, 26 g carbohydrates, 1 g Dietary Fiber, 9 g fat, 4 g saturated fat, 57 mg cholesterol, 382 mg sodium

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Chicken Picante

(makes 6 servings)

Ingredients:

• 6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves, cut crosswise into ½” wide strips
  
  


• 3 tbsp olive oil
  
  


• 3 (14.5 oz.) cans Mexican-style stewed tomatoes
  
  


• 1 (29.5 oz.) can hominy, drained or 3 cups whole kernel corn
  
  


• ½ cup cilantro, chopped
  
  


• 1 tbsp chili powder to taste
  
  


• Salt and pepper to taste
  
  

Preparation:

• Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-low heat.
  
  


• Add chicken to the skillet and sauté until no longer pink (about 3 minutes.).
  
  


• Add tomatoes, hominy and chili powder and bring to a boil.
  
  


• Reduce heat and simmer uncovered for about 8 minutes or until chicken is cooked through and sauce is slightly thickened, breaking up tomatoes with back of spoon.
  
  


• Mix in cilantro and season to taste with salt and pepper.
  
  

Make 6 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(1/6 of recipe (415 g)): 283 Calories, 30 g Protein, 20 g carbohydrates, 3 g Dietary Fiber, 9 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 68 mg cholesterol, 1,084 mg sodium

The rock climbing experience

 Yes, that's me, climbing the wall today.

I have never gone back and read any of my old posts. Until tonight. I wanted to find the post from the last time I went rock climbing. It was February 6, 2009. Here's the blog post.

It was on my "old" blog. If you don't know the history of my old blog it has to do with an online "fight" I had with a guy named Tony, the Anti-Jared. It was very ugly, and becasue of it, I shut down my blog. The entire incident reminds me of some of the online stuff I see these days between bloggers. Really stupid. Of course I immediately regretted my knee-jerk decision about shutting down my blog in February 2009, so I started a new blog, same title (this one). 

As I was going through my old posts trying find the rock climbing one, I read several of them. I use to put a lot of thought into my posts. I was also very determined to lose weight and be healthy back then. As I read through my posts from 2009 I started wondering what happened to my spark. I was on fire back then and now I barely have an ember of enthusiasm left. I want to recapture that feeling.

I've decided to go back to my very first post on May 13, 2008, and read my history. Maybe I can learn something about  myself. Maybe that girl that was so determined can help this girl that's feeling hopeless.

The Rock Climbing event today
It wasn't as fun as in 2009. Part of it was probably because I was exhausted from the last two weeks of working crazy hours and major stress, but a much larger part of it is my weight. When I did this in February 2009 I weighed 157 pounds (I posted that weight in the rock climbing post). Today I weighed 185 pounds. That's a difference of 28 pounds. The difference in how much harder it was today than it was in 2009 was huge, 28 pounds of huge.

I only climbed one wall today. In 2009 I climbed four walls. It wasn't the toddler wall like in the video from my 2009 post, but it was one of the easier ones. The only things positive about it is that a.) I did get to the top and b) my butt isn't quite as gigantic as I have it pictured in my head. Although the difference in my body from 2009 as seen in the video on my old post, and today, as I saw in pictures of myself, is huge and not in a good way.

Sadness
I'm not sure why, but for some reason I can't pinpoint I feel very sad tonight. Sad that I didn't get to my goal weight when I was so close to it in 2009, sad that I've regained 28 pounds from my February 2009 weight, and sad that I didn't really have a good time today because of my weight.

Something I wrote in my 2009 rock climbing post keeps going through my head:

"That's what it all boils down to: self-care. Do we care enough to take care of our body? Maybe it's just something fun, like climbing a rock wall or opening day at the pool with your kids or riding in a 100-mile bike ride and giving it your best. Or maybe it's some type of critical surgery that your life depends on. Will you be ready? Think about that the next time you want to throw this all out the window. The next time you want to say to hell with counting Points, to hell with the freaking treadmill, to hell with the whole thing. You might as well be saying to hell with your life."

Why didn't I listen to myself back then? Maybe it's not too late. I can still take my own advice, right?

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LivingAfterWLS Weekly Digest: Refresh You WLS Menu

One of my favorite things about spring is the variety of fresh berries and vegetables that come to the markets. After a long winter of cooking from the pantry I welcome the light freshness of asparagus and strawberries and baby lettuce and such. There is just something about this time of year that renews my interest in cooking. Today in the digest we spend a few moments refreshing our

Pretty funny & Climbing the Rock

A comment left on my last post titled "Fewer candy bars, more vegetables":

"On Wed, Apr 13, 2011 at 7:10 AM, hrgottlieb <Inoreply-comment@blogger.com> wrote:
hrgottlieb has left a new comment on your post "Fewer candy bars, more vegetables":

I wonder if your readers would benefit from a good resource for candy fundraising ideas? There are tons of different candy fundraisers to consider. But not all candy fundraising programs are the same."

Can you imagine me with a couple cases of candy in my house, for "fundraising" purposes? Pretty freaking hysterical.

Climbing the Rock
Remember my post from a couple years ago about my 25th anniversary with my company. Probably not. I can't even find the post, I think it was February 2009, so that's in my "old" blog (long story). I weighed 166. I always remember my weight. I chose rock climbing as my activity of choice for my team. So off we went to Vertical World in Seattle.

So, here I am, 20 pounds heavier and my coworker celebrating his 20 years with the company today has chosen rock climbing for the team. Everyone had so much fun at mine that he wanted to do it again. Today I will be pulling my 185 body up a wall. I hope my arms can sustain this extra weight. I have my doubts but I'm going to give it my best try.

Wish me luck!

Chicken Oregano with Sweet Peppers

(makes 4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 1.5 lbs.(about 0.68 kg.) chicken pieces, skin removed
  
  


• ¼ tsp salt
  
  


• ¼ tsp ground pepper
  
  


• ¼ cup onion, chopped
  
  


• ¼ cup dry white wine
  
  


• ¼ cup fresh parsley, chopped
  
  


• ¾ cup reduced sodium chicken broth
  
  


• 1 clove garlic, chopped
  
  


• 1 lemon, sliced
  
  


• 1 tomato, chopped
  
  


• 1 tbsp fresh oregano (or 1 tsp dried)
  
  


• 1 sweet green pepper, cut into strips
  
  


• 1 sweet red pepper, cut into strips
  
  


• Non-fat cooking spray
  
  


• Cooked white rice
  
  

Preparation:

• Sprinkle chicken with ground pepper and salt.
  
  


• Lightly coat non-fat cooking spray in a nonstick skillet.
  
  


• Cook chicken over medium heat for about 15 minutes or until light brown, turning once. Reduce heat.
  
  


• Sprinkle garlic, half of tomato, lemon, onion, oregano and parsley over chicken pieces in skillet.
  
  


• Add white wine and chicken broth.
  
  


• Cover and simmer for about 15 minutes.
  
  


• Add remaining tomato and sweet green peppers, cover and continue to simmer until chicken is tender (about 7 to 10 minutes) and cooked through.
  
  


• Serve with cooked rice.
  
  

Make 4 Servings:

Weight loss recipes Amount Per Serving(¼ of recipe (346 g)): 236 Calories, 41 g Protein, 8 g carbohydrates, 2 g Dietary Fiber, 3 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 99 mg cholesterol, 275 mg sodium