A walk down memory lane

I'm typing this from my 1998 Dell desktop computer, Windows 2000. My beautiful, less than a year old Toshiba laptop hasn't been playing nice with my 23" monitor. I even bought a new monitor and new $40 HDMI cable for it, both big monitors are still red flashing lines at me. The laptop monitor is fine. I finally caved and asked my husband, the computer geek guy, to look at it. Something about the HDMI port on the laptop. Needs to be repaired. I have to take it in to the computer guys to be fixed. Bummer.

Since I can't live without a computer with a big monitor (for work stuff), I thought I'd turn on my old faithful 12-year old Dell. I hadn't really used it since my first laptop in 2004. Amazingly it booted up, connected to the internet and works with the new monitor. The grinding sound the hard drive keeps making is annoying me, but it works. Gotta love old technology.

I was looking at all the old files that I never bothered to transfer over to my laptops. Apparently I was much more career-driven in 2004. There are tons of work files, work goal setting documents and very few pictures. I found two pictures of myself sitting on the desktop.

2004 - 240 pounds

June 28, 2009 - 156 pounds (I think I added this one when my old laptop was dying last year).

So where am I today? Sitting right where I've been for months. 175 pounds. Sixty-five pounds less than the top picture but 20 pounds heavier than the bottom picture (and I still thought I was fat at 156).

The reason I haven't been posting is because I've been in a slump lately. Just sick and tired of the whole thing, yet each day I start out full of hope that this will be the day I stay totally on plan, drink my water, and lose weight. Yet each day I fail. Not horribly because I'm not gaining weight, but still, I'm failing because I'm not losing weight.

These pictures stirred something up in me. A little bit of sadness that I didn't stick with it and get to goal. A bit of hope that heck, I did it before and got so close that I can do it again. A little bit of fear, looking back where I started and what IF I go back there?

I've printed both pictures and stuck them on the bathroom mirror. A visual reminder of where I've been, and where I want to go, but this time go even a step further and get to goal.

In other words, I'm back!